Sex Tips With Stephen Miller!
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We are sorry to have to do this to you, but it happened, so you need to know about it.
Jesse Watters had Trump Nazi Stephen Miller on his Fox News show last night — Stephen Miller, the one who looks like Voldemort, or Nosferatu, or one of the “gentlemen” from “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” — and they spent far more time than you’d imagine talking about how sexually attractive Stephen Miller is, and allowing Stephen Miller to dole out hot sex tips for scoring the lady of your dreams.
Hey where are you going? Video time, you sit back down!
It went like this:
WATTERS: We are getting a lot of texts from women about Miller and his appearances and his appearance.
At this point Miller made some kind of “Nervously laughing with a boner while pooping” sounds, you just have to hear it yourself.
WATTERS: Our audience at “Primetime” believes you are some sort of sexual matador. What do you have to say for yourself?
Some sort of sexual matador, that Stephen Miller.
What a cool audience Jesse has.
MILLER: Well let me give advice to any young man that’s out there.
Sex advice from Stephen Miller, the president of sex!
MILLER: I’m married now, I have children, but I wasn’t married that long ago. I was single and I was in the market.
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, want to rip some babies out of their mommies’ arms while they all cry?
MILLER: If you’re a young man — it’s very important in an election season — who’s looking to impress ladies, to be the alpha …
There’s that well-documented MAGA masculine insecurity complex.
MILLER: … to be attractive, the best thing you can do is to wear your Trump support on your sleeve. Show that you are a real man.
It’s funny because MAGA people bitch so much about how everybody swipes left on Trump supporters on dating apps, and now they’ve created their own dating app, which is totally cool except for how there are no girls on it.
MILLER: Show that you are not a beta, right? Be a proud and loud Trump supporter and your dating life will be fantastic.
Sure thing.
Also, he pronounced “beta” like “betta,” because that’s how talking works. And dating.
Are even Fox News viewers going for this? We know Jesse Watters’s average viewer is probably an 85-year-old white supremacist drooling into their pudding cup before passing out, but can they see the TV? Do they think Stephen Miller is a sex symbol of the MAGA movement?
If you’ve never read the story of how Stephen Miller found another unpleasant Trump Nazi deplorable enough to marry him and even breed with him, refresh yourself. Jesse Watters, of course, once bragged about how he snagged his much-younger wife (while he was married) by letting the air out of her tires and manipulating her into getting into the car with him.
So these guys are on the same level, although we reluctantly admit that Watters has a leg up on Miller, because he doesn’t look like a med school cadaver.
Regardless, if any human men are taking sex and dating advice from Jesse Watters and Stephen Miller, they deserve whatever charges they end up catching as a result.
[video via Acyn]
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Grossferatu®
> Some sort of sexual matador
I mean, he's pretty much a walking red flag, so