Sorry Ladies, Sean Hannity Is Engaged
Those Fox News hosts sure do hook up a lot!
Sean Hannity, conspiracy theorist, slumlord, and Fox News’s most devoted Trump ego-stroker, has announced his intention to monopolize the ladygarden of 14-years-younger Fox host Ainsley Earhardt, matrimonially.
The two have been keeping company since at least 2019 when they helicoptered together to Trump’s Colt’s Neck club in New Jersey to attend Pete Hegseth’s third wedding, even though Hannity was reportedly married to another lady at the time.
According to Vanity Fair, Earhardt soon was hosting “Fox & Friends” during the coronavirus from a studio in the basement of Hannity’s $12.7 million Oyster Bay estate, though they insisted that they were not dating. Earhardt’s toddler daughter was living in New York City at the time.
The two say they bonded together over their love of God. The Fox News God, who is a mighty horny God! He often speakeths to Fox News hosts, bidding them to go unto thine married co-workers’ underpants! Hannity and Earhardt deny any adulterous honka honka, with Hannity insisting in 2020 that he and his previous wife of an unknown but more than 20-odd years, Jill, had actually secretly divorced, at some vague date of “before then.” Earhardt separated from her second husband, eight-years-younger Will Proctor, in 2018, and somehow the Daily Mail found out it was because Proctor had an affair, and surely mommy did not spill daddy’s secrets to Rupert Murdoch’s rag where her daughter might someday read them to enhance her own pious image.
It will be a second marriage for Hannity, and a third for Earhardt.
Earhardt is a devoted God-botherer with a Fox Nation show, “Ainsley’s Bible Study,” where she talks Bible talk with keyboards plonking in the background. Because while the sanctity of forever marriage no matter what and women not working outside of the home are the rule for everybody else, Jesus DM’ed her and Hannity (and Trump, Pete Hegseth, and Jesse Watters) that they are special exceptions.
Second-time husband-to-be Hannity is perhaps best known for being at Fox since 1996, and for pushing stolen-election conspiracy theories on air, like about Dominion Voting Systems running “an algorithm that shaved off votes from Trump and awarded them to Biden. And they used the machines to trash large batches of votes that should have been awarded to President Trump. And they used the machines to inject and add massive quantities of votes for Mr. Biden,” while behind the scenes pushing Mark Meadows to tell Trump to shut up about the stolen election, and to just “land the plane,” and later telling Dominion Systems lawyers that “I did not believe [the election was stolen] for one second.” Conveniently Jesus told Hannity that the whole thing about not lying also did not apply to him.
Congratulations poured in for the happy couple on social media, with Matt Gaetz gushing “Two wonderful people!” and thrice-married Trump Truthing “Great news about Sean and Ainsley. They are officially engaged to be married! There are no finer people than these, and there will be no finer couple. Congratulations to both - A deal made in HEAVEN!!! DJT”
Such a deal! And they say romance is dead!
[Washington Post archive link/ CNN/ Daily Beast archive link/ Vanity Fair archive link/ Realtor.com]
*Buddy Christ giving thumbs up while standing over these two TOTALLY not boning but somehow in bed together, wink wink*
I don't want to hear anything more about this story, because you know if we do it's going to be nothing but adultery and faithless justifications for faith and maybe a little rape, sexual harassment or domestic violence on the side.
I got no need for that.