We mentioned that Hunter Biden was in Congress yesterday testifying behind closed doors. Just what House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer has dreamed of his whole life, ever since he got birthed on the farm with the other Kentucky livestock. Of course pretty much everybody is making fun of his impeachment investigation and calling him a failure and laughing at how his star witness is remanded to prison for — checks notes — lying to the FBI about the Bidens. Whose lies did he tell them? Russian spies’ lies.
Here is Steve Doocy on “Fox & Friends” yesterday making fun of Comer for what a limp grundle his investigation really is.
“A lot of Republican lawmakers say they have seen zero evidence of high crimes and misdemeanors. And right now, the Republicans do not have enough votes to impeach. And after dozens of interviews and over 100,000 documents released to the committees, the Republicans have yet to produce any direct evidence of misconduct by Biden."
Hahahahaha, his cohosts were so fucking mad. Ainsley Earhardt and the hunk of butt mucus that Mr. and Mrs. Kilmeade took home and raised as their baby just HUFFED HUFFED HUFFED after Steve Doocy said that. Doocy is always so mean about pointing out what a loser failure James Comer is. And he does it a lot.
Kilmeade shrieked, he was so pissed. Nobody (everybody) calls Brian Kilmeade stupid to his face and gets away with it.
“They’re just so corrupt!” sputtered Ainsley Earhardt. “The whole family’s so corrupt!”
So, so angry.
If you think that’s hilarious, you should see the way Neil Cavuto and Fox News reporter Aishah Hasnie reacted in the afternoon after Hunter’s testimony, once it became clear Comer had yet again uncovered nothing new.
PREVIOUSLY IN STEVE DOOCY BEING SO MEAN!
![James Comer Sick Of Being Outsmarted By Evil Genius Archnemesis [CHECKS NOTES] Steve Doocy](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!D0d-!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcfa78458-2605-4f9f-86ae-3513593427d9_684x354.png)
There will of course be time to look at more hilarious reactions to Comer’s latest embarrassment, and his next one, and the one after that. In this post we want you to read Hunter’s opening statement to Congress, because it’s really all you need to know about all this. Bonus: He called Comer and the others he shares a pigpen with Russian dupes to their faces.
Here it is, in its entirety:
I am here today to provide the Committees with the one uncontestable fact that should end the false premise of this inquiry: I did not involve my father in my business. Not while I was a practicing lawyer, not in my investments or transactions domestic or international, not as a board member, and not as an artist. Never.
You read this fact in the many letters that have been sent to you over the last year as part of your so-called impeachment investigation. You heard this fact when I said it weeks ago, standing outside of this building. You heard this fact from a parade of other witnesses — former colleagues and business partners of mine, including my uncle — who have testified before you in similar proceedings. And now, today, you hear this fact directly from me.
For more than a year, your Committees have hunted me in your partisan political pursuit of my dad. You have trafficked in innuendo, distortion, and sensationalism — all the while ignoring the clear and convincing evidence staring you in the face. You do not have evidence to support the baseless and MAGA-motivated conspiracies about my father because there isn’t any.
You have built your entire partisan house of cards on lies told by the likes of Gal Luft, Tony Bobulinski, Alexander Smirnov, and Jason Galanis. Luft, who is a fugitive, has been indicted for his lies and other crimes; Smirnov, who has made you dupes in carrying out a Russian disinformation campaign waged against my father, has been indicted for his lies; Bobulinski, who has been exposed for the many false statements he has made, and Galanis, who is serving 14 years in prison for fraud. Rather than follow the facts as they have been laid out before you in bank records, financial statements, correspondence, and other witness testimony, you continue your frantic search to prove the lies you, and those you rely on, keep peddling. Yes, they are lies.
To be clear, I have made mistakes in my life, and I have squandered opportunities and privileges that were afforded to me. I know that. I am responsible for that. And I am making amends for that. But my mistakes and shortcomings are my own and not my father’s, who has done nothing but devote his entire life to public service and trying to make this country a better place to live.
During my battle with addiction, my father was there for me. He helped save my life. His love and support made it possible for me to get sober, stay sober and rebuild my life as a father, husband, son, and brother. What he got in return for being a loving and supportive parent is a barrage of hate-filled conspiracy theories that hatched this sham impeachment inquiry and continue to fuel unrelenting personal attacks against him and me.
Over the last year, Republicans have taken my communications out of context, relied on documents that have been altered, and cherry-picked snippets of financial or other records to misrepresent what really happened. Examples of this include a few references to my family in emails or texts that I sent when I was in the darkest days of my addiction. If you try to do that again today, my answers will reveal your tactics and demonstrate the truth that my father was never involved in any of my businesses.
My testimony today should put an end to this baseless and destructive political charade. You have wasted valuable time and resources attacking me and my family for your own political gain when you should be fixing the real problems in this country that desperately need your attention.
Like we said, it’s pretty good. Especially that part we bolded.
Here’s a bonus clip of Comer piddling with his ding-dong and shrieking after Hunter’s deposition, because a reporter asked him basic questions about his investigation and it tripped his Deliverance brain right up, his pigfuck vocal cords ululating ever higher and shakier as he tried to regain control.
If that was your dad you would drive him way out into the country and drop him off and instruct the children never to speak of grandfather again.
By the way, Comer announced another public impeachment hearing yesterday. Because he just likes staple-gunning his own dick to the wall, apparently.
Wheeeeee!
[Mediaite / videos via Aaron Rupar / Acyn]
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Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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The fundamental thing is that Republicans simply don't understand kindness and decency and empathy. Such things do not exist inside them, so to see it in other people it must be a sham, a grift, a lie, a cover for nefariousness. It's literally the only thing that makes sense to them, their brains cannot compute that a father could love his addicted son, that a man could dedicate his life to public service from a sincere desire to make things better, that a President could be motivated not by power or personal gain but by a sense of duty to honor and bring out the best of America. And so, because they don't understand these motivations, they project their own sociopathy onto actually decent humans and spend their lives trying to figure out where the lie is....because deep in their cold black souls there is a scared, lonely, angry part that wonders....what if others actually *are* decent? What might that say about me? That line of thought leads to a black hole of shame....so they continually build the brick wall around it higher and higher and higher, and lucky for them, there are a LOT of people (top of the list: FoxNews) supplying the bricks.
Meanwhile, how anyone can look at Joe Biden and not see one of the most decent men on the planet astounds me. I feel the same about Hillary.
“𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘵!” 𝘴𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘵. “𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺’𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘵!”
Some of us are old enough to remember this identical tactic from the Clinton years. Whitewater! Vince Foster! Demons in the forms of dogs, for all I know!
Forty fucking years of that kind of thing and you end up with an idiot rapist TV show star and repeated business failure with his finger on the button.