SPLC Politely Tells Judge That Trump DOJ Is Full Of Sh*t And Lies
What an absolute pain in the ass this all is for the good guys. But then again, that's the point.
There have been a bunch of humiliating moments for the Department of Justice this week, things that cement the fact that until or unless the Democrats retake power and reform the agency in a way that erases and reverses its entire Trump legacy, it will never be an institution worthy of freely given respect, honor or deference ever again.
It’s sad how they’ve 86-ed themselves in that way, 86-ed their integrity, 86-ed their reputation, but the same can be said for every other American institution that’s voluntarily 86-ed itself ever since the fascists took control.
(For those unfamiliar, “86”-ing is a term for the violence that naturally occurs when James Comey sees seashells on a beach.)
![Kash Patel Spent 11 [Hic!] Months Investigating Comey’s MURDERRRRR Seashells](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!hG4F!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F198a54ba-d61e-4ee6-b9ec-af53667d82df_974x540.png)
Obviously we are referring to the DOJ’s latest limpdick attempt to indict Comey, and the embarrassing cum towel of a Truth Social post (acting) Attorney General Todd Blanche affixed his name to and filed as a brief in the Trump Big Beautiful Bunker Bitch Baby Ballroom case this week.
And then there is the latest series of filings in the Trump DOJ case against the Southern Poverty Law Center, in which the syphilis-brained Mr. Wizards at DOJ attempt to prove that the SPLC “defrauded” its donors by using paid informants to infiltrate white supremacist and other extremist groups. (Which is in actuality one of the things its donors just fuckin’ love about the SPLC, love turning those fucking losers out and exposing them from the inside!) The asinine argument is that somehow SPLC was secretly taking its donors’ money and um, using it to take the Klan to romantic dinners or something.
In reality, this is happening because the Trump DOJ is still mad the SPLC essentially took out the Klan and has continued to do that with so many extremist groups over the decades. Extremist groups made up of white supremacists, pedophiles, and rapists are the bread and butter of keeping MAGA in power.
Obviously they hate the SPLC.
It’s also happening because in order for authoritarians to capture a nation, they have to make it impossible for the good guys to keep operating freely, by whatever means they can manage, and one of the authoritarian playbook’s favorite ways of doing that is to bankrupt them with legal bills.
These new filings come to the court from the SPLC’s real, professional lawyers, and they dickslap the very premise of the DOJ’s case over and over and over and over again.
Precisely, the SPLC would like to know exactly what kind of bullshit lies Trump’s attorneys told the grand jury. Two of the main headings in one of the filings read:
I. THE SUBSTANTIAL LIKELIHOOD THAT THE GOVERNMENT CARRIED GROSS MISREPRESENTATIONS OF MATERIAL ISSUES INTO THE GRAND JURY PROCEEDING WARRANTS DISCLOSURE OF GRAND JURY MATERIALS
and
II. THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT ENTITLED TO THE PRESUMPTION OF REGULARITY
In other words: “Your honor, if it may please the court, allow us to please enter into the record that these bitches lie, and everybody knows it, so hand us all the grand jury records.” (Paraphrase.)
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That filing begins by noting that the DOJ’s case against the SPLC is trying to criminalize their very work to take apart extremist organizations like the KKK and the Aryan Nations. (Again, Trump’s base.) And from that first graf, they explain that they have done that work in part by sharing what they find with the FBI.
In other words, you dumb shitholes didn’t “investigate” or “discover” anything while Ka$h Patel was doing God knows what on the FBI plane. They just took the established relationship between the FBI, the DOJ, and the SPLC, eliminated it, then declared that the SPLC’s work itself was now a crime.
SPLC’s lawyers explain that they have reason to believe DOJ “misled” (lied to) the grand jury and the public about the facts of the case, and indeed that the grand jury “was not merely misled by the government’s presentation of the law, but likely […] it was actively weaponized.”
If you don’t already assume the Trump DOJ actively lies to grand juries, it might be time to start assuming that as your baseline.
Receipts!
The filings lay out the dishonesty of the indictment itself, and specifically call out Todd Blanche lying on Fox News that the DOJ had “no information” that suggests SPLC “then turned around and shared what they learned with law enforcement” from its informants.
Indeed, one of the motions is fully about how Todd Blanche blatantly lied to Laura Ingraham about the case, asks the judge to force Blanche to issue a retraction, and order him to go forth and stop his damned lying. (That motion also details other public lies from Trump, Patel, Blanche, Karoline Leavitt and more, asking the judge to please also order them to all shut their lie-holes.)
Block quote, with a big example about how the SPLC worked with the government related to the Charlottesville Unite the Right Nazi rally during Trump 1.0:
The SPLC used the informant program to gather voluminous and detailed information about the risk of violence at Charlottesville. That information was memorialized and provided to law enforcement, including to the FBI’s Mobile, Alabama office—the very office leading the investigation of this case—in advance of the rally in the form of a 45-page “Event Alert.” That document warned the FBI of the specific individuals likely to attend the rally and foment violence, providing not only names and pictures, but specific details about associates, backgrounds, and criminal histories. For some of the individuals identified in this Event Alert, the SPLC even provided details about those individuals’ weapons of choice based on intelligence gathered through the informant program.
Filings further bring receipts showing the SPLC tipped the DOJ about a potential 2019 terrorist attack on Las Vegas by the white supremacist group Atomwaffen Division, and more. There are numerous examples of “the extensive coordination that the SPLC maintained with federal and state law enforcement over the years, including but not limited to details regarding criminal activity detected, prevented and prosecuted.”
The filings cite Trump administration officials’ repeated lies that the SPLC is “giving money to the KKK,” and note that not even the DOJ’s idiot indictment alleges that. They cite, again, Blanche lying through his teeth, saying in the press conference announcing the charges that SPLC “pa[id] sources to stoke racial hatred” and “manufactur[ed] racism to justify its existence.”
They cite Ka$h Kant Investigate Good Patel going on Fox News after the indictment — God knows what state he was in — and lying and saying the SPLC “turned around and paid the leaders of these very extremist groups” and used SPLC donors’ money “to sow discord and hate.”
And then of course, by the time the game of Dementia Test Telephone got to Donald Trump, the lie vomited itself out of his mouth as “[S]outhern law, whatever it is, has given money to KKK, they’re supposed to protect people and they're paying all these people, crooked as can be millions of dollars, millions of dollars going all, to all these people that they’re supposed to be protecting from[.]”
These repeated, false, and prejudicial remarks by the Administration’s most senior officials not only violate Justice Department norms and long-held principles of federal prosecution, but they illustrate, among other things, the stunning and blatant irregularity, politicization, and manifest risk of prosecutorial misconduct in this case.
Therefore the defense would like the full transcripts of the grand jury proceedings. Sorry if that’s irregular, but all this shit is irregular, Your Honor. Or as the SPLC’s filing puts it, “the presumption of regularity historically afforded to such vital proceedings, cannot be used as a shield for a prosecution that is so clearly untethered from the facts, the law, and the historic relationship between this organization and the very law enforcement agencies now seeking its destruction.”
The lawyers cite the scenarios under which the veils of grand jury secrecy should be pierced — in legal terms, when there’s reason to believe there is some serious bullshit and/or fuckery that’s taken place there — and then moves on to the all caps headings we listed above.
We will attempt to summarize, in our dickish way, what the lawyers argue:
We think they lied to the grand jury, based on all their public lies, specifically Todd Blanche’s public lies, particularly concerning the whole “did not disclose evidence gathered to FBI” lie, and if those are the lies they’re telling in public, we think Your Honor would agree that fuckall knows what they told the grand jury.
We don’t think they properly instructed the grand jury what any of the laws allegedly broken actually mean. For evidence of this, may we direct Your Honor’s attention to the indictment itself, which … doesn’t actually contain specific allegations of the laws cited in the indictment being broken? Like, pretty much any of them? They are just saying, Your Honor?
“These concerns about misstatements to the grand jury are not abstract or speculative.” No, this is a Trump DOJ pattern, they argue, of “the government engaging in highly unusual conduct simultaneous with political pressure to bring charges, and misstatements of law at the highest levels of government.” Attorneys remind Your Honor of all the dumb fuckshittery Baywatch insurance lawyer Lindsey Halligan pulled while she was squatting at the Eastern District of Virginia trying to indict James Comey the first time, after which a judge did indeed hand over all those grand jury transcripts, and oh look what happened to those charges.
Your Honor, this is all part of Donald Trump’s longstanding witch-hunt against the SPLC, and here are all the receipts on that, including the part where in October 2025 Kash Patel severed the information-sharing arrangement SPLC had with the FBI, which we guess was necessary if they were going to indict the SPLC for existing.
Did we mention, Your Honor, that the DOJ never even subpoenaed or contacted the SPLC during its “investigation,” but rather the SPLC had to call them to try to figure out what the hell was going on? Kind of weird for a legit investigation, huh! This is all in a separate motion that explains that a “source” had allegedly told the DOJ that the SPLC had deleted everything about its informant program, which sounds sinister. Once SPLC did manage to get a grand jury subpoena from the DOJ — which required pulling teeth — they cooperated fully and handed over 15,000 pages, including on that informant program. You know, the one Todd Blanche lied and said the SPLC never told them about. Then they got indicted five seconds later.
Guess DOJ’s “source” is full of shit, Your Honor! (That may not be DOJ’s only full-of-shit source either, according to SPLC’s lawyers.)
Indeed and forsooth, in the days and weeks before the indictment dropped, the SPLC provided the DOJ with beaucoups information about its informant program, specifics, with times, dates, extremists who had been convicted, and so forth. Then Todd Blanche went on TV and lied about that. Very rude of him, Your Honor!
There is a whole section that basically explains to Your Honor that no sane judge in the US believes a damn word out of the Trump DOJ’s mouth at this point, and brings receipts on that. A good excerpt: “As one court recently described, while ‘[g]enerations of presidential administrations and public officials have validated this underlying premise of the presumption of regularity,’ ‘[i]n just six months, the President of the United States may have forfeited the right to such a presumption’ entirely.”
In summary and in conclusion, Your Honor, we believe that we should have all the grand jury shit handed the fuck over to us, respectfully of course, Your Honor.
Signed, Abbe Lowell, actual superlawyer who is leading the actual dream team defending the SPLC. The judge has until May 5 to rule.
If you’re in the mood to dig in to all the ways SPLC’s lawyers allege Trump’s DOJ is full of shit and lies, all these motions and filings are great reads, particularly this one right here. Marcy Wheeler also has a particularly detailed deep dive.
But the main idea throughout is that these people are liars who like to lie, to grand juries, and in public, and when you call them out on their lies, they do not correct their lies, which is why we are filing these motions today.
What an absolute pain in the ass for the good guys this all is. But that’s the point when authoritarians are trying to capture nations, isn’t it?
This is true, about everything DOJ is doing right now:
It’s up to every one of the good guys to make sure these evil motherfuckers don’t win.
OPEN THREAD.
[filing / filing / Marcy Wheeler]
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He thinks this will help his polls but the people that are happy about his bullshit prosecutions are the 30% that still like him.
The rest of America is trying to find a buyer for their kidney so they can fill up the gas tank.
Well, folks, an update on the jerb situation. Last Friday had an interview with a hospice. I felt like it went well-and apparently it did, because I have another interview tomorrow. If all goes well, I may be starting orientation next week. We shall see.