Supreme Court Found An Easter Treat For Steve Bannon
It is setting the stage for him to get his contempt charge thrown out, Gut Yontif!
What could make a Monday better? How about a generous helping of Steve Bannon! Mmm, can’t you just smell his basting haunches through the screen?
The Supreme Court, not content to merely bestow Donald Trump with kingly powers, has straightened the path for Bannon to get his contempt of Congress conviction dismissed, vacating a judgment by the US Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit upholding it, and sending the case back to the appeals court for reconsideration in lieu of a motion to dismiss that the Justice Department filed two months ago.
Bannon already spent four months in Danbury prison being cruelly deprived of access to internet shows like the Mike Lindell and Rudy Giuliani MyPillow Variety Hour, instead forced to watch the picks of whatever OG shotcaller of the rumpus room. If Bannon moaned to Rudy it was “torture,” probably that means it was The View followed by The Young And The Restless. Oh, the Steve-manity!
Surely Steve Bannon does not need a clean record to podcast. Maybe he hopes to enlist in the military? LOL, how much fun we have entertaining ourselves over here. No, he is trying to make a point, which is that NOBODY IS THE BOSS OF TRUMP!
As un-liberal as it might be to say, though, it seems to us that Jeffrey Epstein’s close confidant surely ought to be (back) behind bars for something. What must that disgusting pig have known and done in real life? How to even rank the ways? Most memorable? Most historically significant?
Being Trump’s right-hand man in the planning of his 2020 coup, hyping it on his WAR ROOM podcast and then going to prison on the principle that no subpoena dare apply to him, instead of just showing up and pleading the Fifth to the January 6 Committee like most treason-adjacent others did. Notably, only he and that looney tune Peter Navarro took that line. Even Rudy Giuliani talked to the January 6 committee for more than nine hours.
But we guess he has to keep proving his loyalty.
After all, when the Trump ship became unmoored in 2016 with reporting of that meeting Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort and Junior had at Trump Tower with the Russians to discuss “adoptions” “later in the summer,” Bannon was quick to stab Trump in the back, fussing to Jeffrey Epstein that he did not want his brand anchored to the Trump family failures. He refused to make nice with dipshit Kushner, and he gabbed for hours to writer Michael Wolff about what a moron every Trump family member is:
“They’re going to crack Don Junior like an egg on national TV.”
And,
“The three senior guys in the campaign thought it was a good idea to meet with a foreign government inside Trump Tower in the conference room on the 25th floor — with no lawyers. They didn’t have any lawyers.
“Even if you thought that this was not treasonous, or unpatriotic, or bad shit, and I happen to think it’s all of that, you should have called the FBI immediately.”
And,
Bannon went on, Wolff writes, to say that if any such meeting had to take place, it should have been set up “in a Holiday Inn in Manchester, New Hampshire, with your lawyers who meet with these people”. Any information, he said, could then be “dump[ed] … down to Breitbart or something like that, or maybe some other more legitimate publication”.
Bannon added: “You never see it, you never know it, because you don’t need to … But that’s the brain trust that they had.”
Bannon also speculated that Trump Jr. had involved his father in the meeting. “The chance that Don Jr. did not walk these jumos up to his father’s office on the twenty-sixth floor is zero.”
Jumos, speculate away about that. Short for “jamoke” / giamope? Portmanteau of mook and jabroni? Junior Moscow Morons? You must admit, Bannon does have a way of painting a picture with words! Bannon later backtracked, claiming he only meant to trash talk Paul Manafort, not brain geniuses Junior and Trump’s little In-Law-In-Wonder, but too late! Bannon’s leaky and disloyal kisser got him booted out of the Trump 1.0 White House, opening up an abscess for Stephen Miller to further infect.
Trump let Bannon twist and sweat in his barncoat until the last possible second before pardoning him for the We Build The Wall scam that Bannon later pleaded guilty to in New York state court.
What else? There was that 2015 hot tub destroyed by acid. It seems Bannon may not have been living at the place much at the time, though he claimed to be when he registered to vote at the Florida address. The acid damage, though, was possibly the doing of his third ex-wife, Diane Clohesy, who he’d divorced in 2009. She sounds like a character. From the WaPo story:
“At the same time Bannon said he was living with his ex-wife, she was under investigation for involvement in a plot to smuggle drugs and a cellphone into a Miami jail.”
Oh my! Too bad her services were not available to help alleviate her ex’s torture at Danbury!
Then there was Bannon’s best-friendship with Jeffrey Epstein, which included using him as a hookup to meet other connections, as a therapist for his sick fantasy about fucking, then shooting, an Ethiopian girl, among other things, and Bannon making an entire documentary funded by Epstein to help rehab Epstein’s image.
Of all the roaches skittering around Trump’s junkyard, though, Bannon might just be the most intelligent of them all, evil and creepy as he may be with his 24-year-old cute-girl assistant and shit.
Believing a writer like Michael Wolff would not write about what they’re writing about, while a tape recorder is sitting right there, does seem stupid, yes. But that is how it works with reporters, and criminal enterprises, and human intimacy in general, a two-step of trust! Bannon had to assure Wolff that he was on the level and keeping it real, and Bannon and Epstein were apparently preparing for a possible Trumpless conservative future and positioning to be the go-to experts on it, like how the now-marginalized Marjorie Taylor Greene is attempting to pivot.
And a Bannon future, though it does look like a Nazi recruitment poster, has humans in it, as opposed to Elon Musk and Peter Thiel-style cyborg Mr. Robotos in-sperm-inating Matrix vials with armies of clones.
Look, we are trying to be Jesus-y and say nice things. Bannon is proof the LL Bean barn coat flatters everyone? His influence is waning more every day?
Guess nobody ever said being Jeezy was easy.
[NBC / Washington Post gift link, “Supreme Court sides with Steve Bannon in bid to dismiss Jan. 6 conviction” / Washington Post gift link, “During his political rise, Stephen K. Bannon was a man with no fixed address”]
Bannon should sue his mortician.
This is the Mondayest Monday to Monday in a month of Mondays. I’m so sick of these assholes.