Surprise, Trump’s Tacky ‘Golden Visa’ Will Be Available Two Weeks From ... Never?
Losers.
You’re going to be shocked here, but it turns out a laminated card from Hobby Lobby with Donald Trump’s face on it, which one of Trump’s room mother volunteers made to amuse him — probably Karoline — is not actually a valid $5 million citizenship agreement with the United States for high rollers.
The Washington Post reports this week that despite how Donald Trump loves to pull it out and and show it to people, his idea for a $5 million golden visa is probably never gonna fuckin’ happen. Sad news for Trump, but it turns out that — we hope you’re sitting down for this one — no real rich people were actually that interested in it anyway.
In other words, the world’s real rich people are ignoring Donald Trump, the trashiest semi-rich guy who ever lived, because they do not actually want the gauche thing he’s selling.
Must feel like the 1980s in New York for him.
Trump announced these tacky golden cards back in February, and because the toddler-in-chief is nothing if not literal, he did it by waving an actual card around with his face on it, as if he imagined those who wish to bribe him for citizenship in his gold-plated new America would present that card in order to be admitted to Ellis Island or something. Trump swore then that it would be available “in about less than two weeks,” because “in about less than two weeks” is his standard answer when making promises that will never ever fucking come true.
They even made a website so you can give Trump your personal information and express your interest in being the first to hear about it if and when this dumb thing actually comes out.
Here are some problems, as the Washington Post explains:
Presidents can’t just snap their tiny fingers and make up new kinds of visas;
Lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits, there would be lawsuits, especially if, as dumbfuck Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick — who looks like “the short idiot” in every cartoon movie where there’s a comic relief “tall idiot” and “short idiot,” who follow the king around and beg him for scraps or whatever — has suggested, Trump’s golden shower visa ended up replacing the regular EB-5 investor visa, which lots of people are already technically in line for;
The famously zippy US government hasn’t changed anything about the visa program since 1990. We’re sure it’s at the top of the list now, though!
As Doug Rand, a former immigration official in the Biden administration, told WaPo, “There’s no lawful basis to do this, and if they do it anyway, they’re going to get sued, and they’re almost certainly going to lose.”
Plus there’s the fact that Congress is run by, um, Republicans, who aren’t known these days for getting hard about the idea of “making new ways for people to become citizens.” Even if it’s Russian oligarchs who just want easy access to come blow Trump.
“There’s zero appetite for people in Congress to consider this right now,” says a Cato Institute guy named Alex Nowrasteh to WaPo. That guy testified last month before Congress in a hearing about visas, during which hearing literally nobody talked Trump’s stupid fucking golden shower visa idea.
And again, it turns out there’s very little interest in the idea in general, despite how a bunch of people have allegedly put their contact info on the website to “find out more” about Trump’s dumbass idea. Actual people trying to apply? Zero. (There is apparently a non-public website up and running, set up by the DOGE trolls.)
Immigration attorneys are reportedly steering clients away from the idea, because, as one lawyer from Philadelphia named Ron Klasko said, “Why would I want to do that before I know if it’s a law, what the law says, what the requirements are, what information the form is going to ask me for, what documents I have to produce, what the terms and conditions are[?]”
Details, details.
Another immigration attorney in WaPo, Rosanna Berardi of Buffalo, says, “This administration keeps forgetting that the executive branch doesn’t make the law.”
So the Trump administration is nailing it as usual.
But Igor the Short Idiot has been so excited!
In a March interview on the All-In podcast, he said that the funds raised by sales would pay off the country’s $1.3 trillion annual deficit, or about 260,000 visa sales. He also said that eventually the program could effectively pay off the entirety of the U.S. debt, more than $36 trillion, meaning more than 7 million people would need to sign up for visas.
Hahahahahahahahaha, you betcha. These people really do get off on smelling their own farts, don’t they?
The Washington Post notes that a number of countries that have had golden visas in the past several years have discontinued them recently, for a number of reasons. There have been concerns about money laundering and other corrupt and improper uses for the arrangements.
But here’s the thing: Those golden visas are going away in countries people actually want to move to. Spain, Portugal, Australia, etc.
Who in this world who possesses the privilege and financial wherewithal to buy a golden visa for citizenship wants to move to the Nazi shithole police state Donald Trump and Stephen Miller are creating? People are leaving the US, in ever-increasing numbers. Not the other way around.
Besides, those who really just want to bribe Donald Trump already probably have his cell phone number anyway, and they know they can just text him and say “Mario Kart Ride?” or whatever the code is these days, and before they know it, they’re wiring whatever money to whatever new crypto asset or Russian intermediary, whatever.
They don’t need a visa. What would give Trump or Lutnick the idea that even those people would want to live in the country they’re creating?
Ha ha ha ha ha, fucking losers, fucking losing again.
It’s the only thing you can absolutely count on with Trump.
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What would I do I had $5 million? Two Scandinavian countries at the same time, man.
"But here’s the thing: Those golden visas are going away in countries people actually want to move to. Spain, Portugal, Australia, etc."
Why would people choose great weather, delicious food, friendly people, low crime rates, etc. over TRUCKNUTZ 'N FREEDUMS?!