Surroundings Are The New Groceries. Tabs, Tues., Nov. 18, 2025
Can't wait to taste your mom's homemade Giblet Surroundings next week.
Put these tabs in your pipe and smoke it!
How much of a fuckup is Lindsey Halligan, Trump’s insurance lawyer at the Eastern District of Virginia? Well, Wonkette will tell you all of it today, but here is some amusing bouche.
How bad of a lawyer is Lindsey Halligan? So bad that apparently she thought she could tell the grand jury that James Comey didn’t have Fifth Amendment rights. Did she believe that in her heart, or did she think she could do that without everybody finding it?
How bad? So bad that she told the grand jury that they didn’t have to rely only on the evidence she presented them that day. No! They could also IMAGINE all the cool other evidence she said maybe they also had! They could imagine it maybe coming out at trial! That’s how stupid.
How bad? So bad that we are literally feeling like we’ve gone easy on her in every post we’ve written about her. And shit, y’all, we have been mean.
How bad? So bad that she may have managed to step on her dick so hard that the Comey case will be thrown the fuck out. So stupid that we have to now imagine that anybody who gets indicted by her will be like “What a pain in the ass, maybe the real Lindsey Halligan indictment is the LOLs we’ll have along the way.”
But as we said, Wonkette will have more on that later!
Big announcement from Donald Trump, it’s that Thanksgiving meals at Walmart, including all the “surroundings,” are 25 percent cheaper this year. Which is a lie, but let’s be fair, he’s senile and has heavy dementia and he thinks “groceries” is an old-fashioned words and that green bean casserole is called a “surrounding.”
Which led us to ask the first question that came to mind:
Can’t wait for Thanksgiving every year, because of your mom’s homemade Giblet Surroundings.
Here’s a headline: “Trump, border patrol retreat IN FAILURE from Chicago.” Why? Well for one thing, because that little tiny bitch Greg Bovino, who comes across like the next-door neighbor from American Beauty in the rainy garage scene, what he lacks in stature, he does not make up for in cleverness or smarts. Read some Garrett Graff about this! He also says Bovino is the Nathan Bedford Forrest of the current era. And who is a bigger loser than that guy? Every man and woman in the Trump administration, that’s who. “Ordinary Americans are stronger — braver and better” than Trump’s Gestapo cry-weenuses. Hey, that’s you! [Garrett Graff]
Meanwhile, in news of the federally occupied city everybody is ignoring because we have a bootlicking fascist governor and two taint-sniffing fascist senators and — we really hate to say it but for local reasons it needs to be said — a Democratic congressman who really isn’t showing up the way the moment demands, a federal judge in Nashville has put a temporary injunction against the deployment of the National Guard in Memphis. Memphis’s mayor, a Black Democrat named Paul Young, also did not join the lawsuit. So if you’re wondering why you’re not hearing about Memphis, that’s some why for you. Kudos to the seven elected Democrats whose names are on the lawsuit. [Tennessee Lookout / New York Times]
Guess Trump’s ICE Gestapo in Florida is now getting around to literally picking up where Hitler left off. [Orlando Sentinel]
Hey, speaking of the Epstein business, that drama queen in the White House who was best friends with the big pedophile — the guy the big pedophile said was WAY more evil than him — got so mad at a reporter for asking about the Epstein business that he said “Quiet, Piggy!” to her. But don’t write in the newspaper that he’s mad, because he isn’t mad. [People]
Just kidding, he is very mad. Read this Zeteo business to find out how mad he is at Marjorie Taylor Greene about the Epstein business. [Zeteo]
Speaker Mike Johnson does not seem very worried that Marjorie Taylor Greene is getting death threats from MAGA people for her failure to protect pedophiles for Donald Trump. We guess that’s just the price of not being fully committed to Sparkle Pedophile. Right, Mike? Right, pious conservative Christian little bitch Mike Johnson? Right? [JoeMyGod]
Meanwhile, the Trump administration is clearly working even harder than we knew to make sure they don’t investigate pedos and child rapists. No, we mean OUTSIDE the ones Trump has been friends with. We mean they’re so obsessed with being Hitler to immigrants that they’re pulling agents at DHS off cases involving child exploitation, so those agents can be Hitler to immigrants. [New York Times]
But anyway, forget about this Epstein business! Did you all hear that sweet, smart Texas Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico may have seen a booby on Instagram? It’s true! He could have seen two boobies even, when you consider that most booby-havers are in possession of a couple of them! BOTH BOOBIES DO IT! And also both sides do it! Or at least Axios thinks both sides do it. Read about it and subscribe at my other place! [The Moral High Ground]
What’s amazing about this latest humiliating story about Trump wanting to do more disgusting tacky enshittifying of the White House — he wanted to put a trashy chandelier in the Oval and they had to stop him — is that it comes from a fawning love-piece written by Trump asslicker and CNN dipshit Scott Jennings. Because Scott Jennings is such a stupid philistine he thinks Donald Trump is a real developer with a real eye for design. He thought this was a cool story to write about for his book. [Daily Beast]
The leopards are eating Trump’s face, says Will Sommer. And they are still hungry, says Will Sommer. Read some damn Will Sommer! [Bulwark]
Here’s a headline: “The Great AI Bubble.” In that article, great journalist Carole Cadwalladr is TALKIN’ SHIT, and you will like it. [How To Survive The Broligarchy]
Gary says read this Ryan Lizza ALL THE WAY TO THE END. [Ryan Lizza]
Nancy Mace can also too do poo-poo planes! CAN YOU?
Here’s something to listen to.
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I’m so excited that I get to tell you about fossas today. They are in your gif and more info is here: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/four-feisty-freshly-fabricated-fossa
When you find yourself on an unfamiliar Thanksgiving table, don’t panic! First, take a deep breath and familiarize yourself with your surroundings…