This week, should you not be aware, is Turning Point USA’s Young Women’s Leadership Summit, featuring the likes of Charlie Kirk, Benny Johnson, Candace Owens, Dana Loesch, Morgonn McMichaels (not to be confused with Morgan McMichaels, from the second season of RuPaul’s Drag Race), Lara Trump, Laura Ingraham, Lauren Boebert and, of course, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Monday’s first speaker was The Blaze’s Allie Beth Stuckey, whom we last heard from in March when she was very surprised that a bunch of MAGA men responded to a video of some young women dancing at a Mardi Gras celebration by claiming it was the reason “men” don’t want Western women. Or at least men like John Lithgow in Footloose, were he to appear on 90 Day Fiancé, engaged to a woman who does not speak English.
Clearly, that incident did not push her to rethink anything, because yesterday, she got up on stage and declared that “most of our problems … in society” are caused by premarital and extramarital sex.
In her best Fundie Baby Voice, she explained:
Don't live with your boyfriend or your fiancé before you get married. Statistically, you are far more likely to break up or to divorce if you do. Not everyone, of course, but that is statistically true. Plus, you are giving him all of the milk without having to buy the cow, you are playing wife without him really having to play husband.
Who doesn’t love a good analogy comparing women to livestock?
See, this only made any sense as an analogy when women had to rely on men for their literal survival. It was a bargaining chip. Now we can all have all the milk we want without any of us starving to death.
The truth is, and this is uncomfortable and unpopular to say, most of our problems in society, most of our problems, a huge portion of problems in society are caused by premarital and extramarital sex. Fatherlessness, abortion, all kinds of sexual depravity, even gender confusion are caused by a culture that prioritizes irresponsible and perverted sex. That is the truth.
These are not real problems! They are things that personally bother Allie Beth Stuckey, but which are ultimately none of her damn business. We have actual, serious problems in this country and elsewhere and she’s standing on a stage being worried that someone, somewhere is having a good time.
There are people who are starving, who have nowhere to live because greedy assholes keep jacking up the rent or AirBnB-ing all the apartments, there are sick people who don’t have healthcare, there are people getting beaten and killed by police, there are women in Texas, Idaho and elsewhere who have had to come minutes away from death before they weren’t allowed to get the basic standard of care from their doctors. There is an absolutely horrific war, there are mass shootings (which we “have” to put up with, because the alternative is MAGA types not being able to overthrow the government!), there is bigotry, there is child labor, there are people in prison and on death row who have been wrongly convicted. And none of these problems have jack shit to do with people having sex in a way that would upset or annoy Allie Beth Stuckey.
Once again, I feel the need to quote Fran Lebowitz:
I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the annoyed. I myself find many—even most—things objectionable. Being offended is the natural consequence of leaving one’s home. I do not like after-shave lotion, adults who roller-skate, children who speak French, or anyone who is unduly tan. I do not, however, go around enacting legislation and putting up signs. In private I avoid such people; in public they have the run of the place. I stay at home as much as possible, and so should they. When it is necessary, however, to go out of the house, they must be prepared, as am I, to deal with the unpleasant personal habits of others. That is what “public” means. If you can’t stand the heat, get back in the kitchen.
People like Allie Beth Stuckey are desperate for the root of all of our problems to be “other people are breaking my rules about sex, not following my personal religion and feeling a way I don’t want them to feel.” Why? Because it is the cheapest and easiest option for them. Because it involves them having to do absolutely nothing. It doesn’t require them to pay higher taxes or wear a mask or not buy products made in sweatshops.
Allie Beth Stuckey could live in the Gilead of her dreams, and there would still be premarital sex and extramarital sex and gay people and trans people and every other kind of people she doesn’t like. Sure, they might be in the closet, but they’d still exist, just as they have always existed.
That is not a bug, but a feature in this sort of rhetoric. Because we all know that the world will never be as sexually pure as Allie Beth Stuckey wants it to be — certainly not as long as people like the Falwells and Josh Duggar and Ted Haggard and Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene are around — which means she can never, ever be officially proven wrong when she claims that it would fix all societal problems.
PREVIOUSLY:
“you are playing wife without him really having to play husband.”
A: lemme check her math here. If the sex act is the only metric for the marital relationship and the fella is participating, then he is, in fact, playing husband.
B: they’d probably have more fun if they were playing Magician and Sexy Assistant or Naughty Patient and Out of Network Doctor.
Five bucks says not one of these fucking idiots recognized the fact that trump was just found guilty of 34 felonies as a result of extramarital sex.