The Right-Wing Griftosphere Is Going Up In Flames. Come, Let Us Warm Our Hands By The Fire.
Robyn made you a spread sheet. Not afraid to be servicey!
It’s been a very cold and snowy December, but as luck would have it, we have a nice toasty dumpster fire to keep us warm. It’s been building for a while, but now it seems as though practically every prominent right-wing grifter is embroiled in at least one major public feud with another prominent right-wing grifter, to the point where they barely even have time to come up with insane conspiracy theories about the rest of us. At the same time, practically all of their podcast numbers are in the toilet. (Not to mention the fact that there’s also that whole other MAGA civil war going on between Mike Johnson and the female Republicans who didn’t previously realize that his deeply held religious beliefs prevent him from taking them and their “spaghetti and meatballs brains” seriously.)
Admittedly, this whole thing is unbelievably confusing, because we are dealing with people who make shit up for a living, so half of what they are mad about are things they made up or things others among them made up about them or about other people.
We Start, As We Must, With Tim Pool
Let’s start out with Tim Pool, because he’s somewhat at the center of it all. He announced last week that December 17 just might be the very last episode of “Timcast IRL,” as he now lacks the funds to keep it going ever since he lost access to those sweet, sweet Kremlin dollars.
THESE ONES!
“At what point do we say we can’t do this anymore? The cost of running ‘Tim Cast IRL’ studio and the projects around it exceeds the amount of money it brings in,” he explained last week. “That’s just that breaking point, isn’t it? For any business.”
“The cost isn’t cameras or lights, the cost is security, because of the escalation” he added. It apparently also is not billboards, as I am cruelly forced to look at that douchebag’s face every time I get on the I-90 and it’s very upsetting, because I can’t stop thinking of how bad that beanie must smell. Pool claims to have been receiving death threats recently, and on Tuesday claimed that his “compound” (yes, his “compound”) had been shot at, although an aspiring right-wing grifter who goes by “Adam the Angler” recorded himself calling the sheriff’s department near said “compound,” and was told they have no record of anyone named Tim Pool reporting a shooting.
Granted, all of these people are liars, so who knows what’s true?
Anyway, you know who he says doesn’t have to have 30 security guards? According to him, it is Candace Owens, with whom he is currently bickering over Owens’s various conspiracies about Charlie Kirk’s murder.
Candace Owens’s Various Conspiracies About Charlie Kirk’s Murder
If you’re not familiar, Owens initially claimed that Israel orchestrated Charlie Kirk’s murder because he was going to come out against them — except her timeline for this started about three months prior to the message he sent her that made her believe he was about to do this. Now, I’m fully on Team Free Palestine, but I don’t think Israel has magic powers like that. James Randi proved that Uri Geller couldn’t actually bend spoons years ago. She’s also suggested that the military was involved, or that it was France (which, as you may recall, she believes is trying to assassinate her at the moment, because of how she thinks Brigitte Macron is secretly trans), but her most controversial theory so far is that this was an inside job by TPUSA personnel, specifically his chief of staff, for reasons.
THE BALLAD OF CANDACE AND BRIGITTE!
Recently, Pool went on a tirade about Owens, claiming that she was tearing the base apart and destroying TPUSA and would be responsible if Republicans lost the midterms. I guess that’s more appealing to someone like Pool than blaming Donald Trump for anything.
Then, a few days ago … things escalated. Pool claims that someone shot at said “compound” and blames Owens for it, which caused him to go completely ballistic and start screaming about how she only has a small wall and one guy for security while he, I guess, lives in constant fear for his life.
“She is a degenerate cunt,” he proclaimed. “She is burning everything down and she’s gloating and smiling while she does it.”
It feels worth mentioning that Pool’s rise to the top of right-wing media stardom was largely fueled by his “free speech absolutism” and tirades against those who feared for their safety due to online harassment from right-wing trolls.
The most outrageous, unbelievable bit of all, however, was Owens’s response to all of this. Why? Because … I hate to say it. It kills me to say it. But it is the most sane and factually correct she has ever been, possibly in her entire life.
Owens pointed out — fairly! — that Pool would absolutely not react to something a man did like this. It is factually true that he tends to go completely ballistic when it comes to women. She points out — again, fairly! — that she is widely believed to be wrong and most people, even on their own side, have been criticizing her “investigation” into the Charlie Kirk assassination, and that it’s strange that he, somehow, is the only one getting shot at. Of course, he previously said that he needed all that security not because of Owens, but because of all the “violent leftists” that he fears.
Look Out, Here Come Milo Yiannopoulos And Benny Johnson!
Speaking of treating men and women differently — while Pool was outraged by Owens’s comments about Kirk and TPUSA, he wasn’t so terribly upset when his pal, world famous heterosexual person Milo Yiannopoulos, came on his show the other day and accused Kirk of being a closet case. That, apparently, was just fine. (Though Yiannopoulos also recently told Tucker Carlson that there’s no such thing as being gay and being gay is just a reaction to trauma, as if any one sexual preference has a monopoly on that.)
Yiannopoulos then went on to claim that fellow right-wing grifter Benny Johnson was also gay, claiming that Johnson had participated in orgies at conventions while his wife would sit in the lobby and get drunk and cry.
Look out for the surprise George “I think I’m being the voice of reason here?” Santos cameo.
This isn’t the first time someone has said this about Johnson — Saeed Jones, whom I trust a hell of a lot more than Yiannopoulos, has previously admitted to the shame of having made out with Johnson at a Buzzfeed holiday party in the days before Johnson was fired for egregious plagiarism.
Johnson then responded by tweeting that he is “duty bound to take action to protect my family against those who maliciously defame and attack us. More to come on that soon.” And “Pray for healing for some really sick and delusional people. Jesus is about redemption. The legal system is about justice.”
To be clear, it doesn’t really matter if Benny Johnson is gay or bi or wherever on the Kinsey scale. That’s his business. What matters is he’s a terrible human being, that all of these people are terrible human beings who hate each other, and that we can laugh at it.
Yiannopoulos then fired back with an entire novel, in which he claimed that Johnson’s wife is a swinger who “looks old” — though he did admit that saying the latter was a tad rude — and offered to pay $10,000 for Johnson to undergo conversion therapy with the psychologist who helped him become the butch alpha male pussy hound we see before us today.
Then he signed off with “kisses, kunty,” in the traditional manner of said butch alpha male pussy hounds.
But Where Is Laura Loomer?
Also in on this is Laura Loomer, who has been feuding with Yiannopoulos for what I think is actual years now (so sad, they used to be besties!), who responded to that drama by calling for Yiannopoulos to be deported. Loomer, as far as I can tell, is feuding with literally everyone, including Marjorie Taylor Greene, Nick Fuentes, Tucker Carlson and probably more people we don’t even know about.
In fact, it seems like she’s feuding with nearly as many people as Candace Owens is right now. I have found this to be an extremely difficult thing to keep track of, so I made a handy dandy spreadsheet to highlight the various feuds.
This is by no means exhaustive, especially considering there also appears to be some drama with Ted Cruz and multiple right-wing personalities going on right now as well.
What is it that’s going on here, exactly? Well, for one thing, the ratings on some of podcasts these people host are pretty much in the toilet right now. Megyn Kelly and Candace Owens are at 13 and 29, respectively, but “Timcast IRL” is at 131 and “The Charlie Kirk Show” is at 153 — pretty significant drops from their usual positions. There’s also the fact that Republicans control every single branch of government and things are not going well. They don’t really have liberals to argue with or try to “own” in quote tweets since we all defected to Bluesky. Who are they going to argue with and invent insane conspiracies about, if not one another?
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
You know, one would imagine that this would be post that one could fap to, but nope. Not even one tingle in the bathing suit area.
Aack, what a bunch of grifty poseurs.
Post definitely deserves the upfist, though, for the helpful spreadsheet.