The Top Three And A Half Conspiracy Theories Wonkette Absolutely Believes! Tabs, Fri., June 28, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Roy Edroso stole Obama’s time machine and got the debate transcript hours early. You’re terrible, Roy! (Edroso)

Edroso internal citation raising the question: Rebecca, what are the three-and-a-half conspiracy theories you absolutely believe? Sarah Palin’s youngest child was not born of her; Diebold stole Ohio for John Kerry and (related and I semi believe because they should have shown SOME proof) Anonymous stopped Karl Rove from doing it again; and George W. Bush was so fuckin’ wired. (Salon)

Meanwhile, Amanda Marcotte previewing the debate said it doesn’t matter if Jake and Dana factchecked Trump, because the people who care about facts are already opposing him. (Salon) At mid-debate time Thursday evening, that prediction seems to have been incorrect.

Because I am watching this right now and trying very hard to listen to Evan and not panic but this is not going well. And I’m not going to tell you it is. Would I vote for half-dead Joe Biden against all comers? You betcha. And it seems tonight like I am. This is the worst thing I’ve seen on television since Trump was president. IT’S NOT GREAT BOB.

The indispensable More Perfect Union has made a whole ass video about how Joe Biden’s put an end to the era of neoliberalism — a term that usually grates on my chalkboard because it usually just means “Hillary’s a bitch” — in favor of muscular do-gooding government. I BEEN saying!

I’m sorry, but this woman is hilarious. Now she’s holding a hearing on “was the chief judge of DC correct when he said Trump’s lawyer’s notes were crime fraud exception” and another on “OK so the FBI had the right to seize top secret documents but what if they didn’t.” (Gift link New York Times)

Oh dang, (FORMER OBVS) Uvalde school police chief indicted for WHAT THE FUCK MAN. (CNN)

Well that’s gonna be a story. (CNN again)

Some bad people — no, not the ones in the previous tab “adopting” Black children, who live in the barn, for forced labor, aka slaves, some different bad people — are opting out of feeding children over the summer. That’s bad and should also be a story too. (Business Insider)

This Missouri lawsuit, suing New York state for prosecuting Trump: Does it actually exist? (Popular Info)

Here’s Madiba Dennie last year after the lucky fraudster had his day at the Supreme Court. (Balls and Strikes) Oh look, she’s updated herself! I should read that too! (Balls and Strikes again!)

Texas schoolchildren safe from Anne Frank’s Diary and Maus. Whew. (Jewish Telegraph Agency)

Oklahoma schoolchildren will now be taught from “the” (but which?) Bible. I watched the video. He said it. "Every teacher, every classroom in the state, will have a Bible in the classroom and will be teaching from the Bible in the classroom." (Meidas Touch)

This is the lovely “mahu” “third gender” in the Hawaiian culture. Sadly, you’re going to see why it’s relevant today, shortly, grrrrrrr. (Wikipedia)

Since you’re paying the airlines to check your bag now, they should probably make sure they’re not stolen, right? Somebody get Mayor Secretary Pete on that please. (Frommer’s)

Oh that 18th century French media, always stoking a werewolf panic! (Atlas Obscura)

This bat boy thing (not Batkid or Bat Boy) is a JOURNEY. A whole career. (Yahoo!)

FRIDAY EVAN TABS POP-IN: At my Friday newsletter place, it’s an end-of-June roundup of the 565,384 Stupidest, Most Hilarious, Temper Tantrums America’s Bigots Had During Pride Month! Come by and subscribe and whatnot! [The Moral High Ground]

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