'Third Way' Douche Noodle 'Democrats' Know What They Must Destroy, And It Is Democratic Socialism
Vote blue no matter who! Wait, not like that!
One of our favorite perennial battles in Democratic politics is watching Third Way prove that it is made up of lettuce-brained chucklefucks who would throw this country to the wolves if it meant the group would keep its status as the most worthless anything this side of Confederate money. Possibly the only thing more worthless than Third Way itself is the habit media organizations have of giving it oxygen.
But it’s a bonus for us, because we get to be mad at both Third Way and media organizations. God bless us, everyone.
On Thursday, the New York Times in its less than infinite wisdom decided that the world needs to know how Third Way feels about leftists winning primary elections. Surprise! They are not happy about it! And to prove just how not happy, the group is promising to fight democratic socialism on the seas, the oceans, the beaches, the landing grounds, in the fields and streets and hills, and anywhere else Winston Churchill ever thought of.
Because if there is one crisis facing America today, it’s that there might be two democratic socialists in the Senate next year instead of one. That one of those two democratic socialists is not actually a democratic socialist is not relevant. They’re multiplying! Soon America will look like a scene from racist classic The Camp of the Saints, only overrun by policy papers pitching Medicare for All instead of dusky-hued African migrants.
Seriously, what in the ever-loving fuck is this:
“We are preparing for the next war that is coming,” said Jonathan Cowan, the president of Third Way, a leading centrist Democratic group, revealing to The New York Times a new $15 million effort between now and 2028 to discredit democratic socialism.
War! Is Dead Andrew Breitbart advising Third Way, because the idea of being at war with the Left was always part of his shtick.
Fifteen million dollars? Given the billions of dollars that regularly swamp America’s elections like that rogue wave swamping the Poseidon, $15 million will be about as noticeable to the public as a fly on its ass is to an elephant.
Third Way appears to be particularly motivated by Abdul El-Sayed winning the Democratic primary in Michigan for the Senate race there. It was a narrow win, by an avowed capitalist, that apparently augurs in the eventual seizing of the means of production:
Their fear: Dr. El-Sayed was paving a path for a progressive to seize the party’s presidential nomination in 2028 — and then go on to lose the general election.
“It is deeply troubling to see radical, far-left candidates winning in places that are potentially presidential swing states,” Mr. Cowan added.
Look man, if you want to be a Republican, the party is right there. Enjoy hanging out with all the Nazis. Maybe you could take some bland snacks to the next meeting. Do Nazis eat rice cakes?
Even the most annoying goddamn Democrats got past it the minute the race was called. Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who had endorsed Haley Stevens, immediately got behind El-Sayed. Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand immediately endorsed him.
Mr. Cowan said the $15 million his group would spend through 2028 was not directed at individual candidates. Instead, the group plans to target the Democratic Socialists of America movement, which he believes poses a “mortal danger” for Democrats.
Oh please, spare us the theatrics. Democrats are still Democrats. El-Sayed — again, a capitalist! — saying he would like to improve American healthcare somewhat is not going to result in a socialist takeover of the Democratic Party. Nor is having half a dozen democratic socialists in the House.
And if we’re wrong about that, so what? In case Cowan and his ilk haven’t noticed, there is a lot of energy coming out of the DSA right now, even if you are not crazy about some of its wilder platform planks like abolishing the current prison system or whatever. Your most normie suburban wine mom is ready to hunt Republicans down in the streets, in between sweating how she’s going to stretch this month’s food budget. Maybe that energy could be embraced?
Even Van Jones, as lickspittly a moderate as ever regularly graces the CNN green room, gets it, sort of. He said on Tuesday that the Democratic Party is now Blockbuster, while “these kids are Netflix.”
We might have gone with TikTok in that analogy, since that seems to be where so much content is being made by the young, but whatever. Point is, even Van Jones!
Imagine being a diehard supporter of Third Way right now. Could you possibly be more useless? Only if you are literally a skin tag. Like a skin tag, you serve no purpose. You are dangling there, unsightly, doing nothing.
Our own take is this: Donald Trump is a corrupt fascist wrecking America’s finances, its reputation, even the aesthetics of its previously-lovely-but-now-resembling-Albert-Speer’s-wet-dream capital city. The Republican-led Congress is letting him run wild. After they are all gone, Democrats can go back to arguing about means-testing school lunch programs. But for now, deal with what’s in front of you.
We guess since the Republican Party is now a reactionary movement instead of a conservative political party, someone had to take up the mantle of standing athwart history and yelling “STOP!” It might as well be a bunch of people who haven’t been relevant since Al Gore was running for the presidency. Congrats guys, can’t wait to hear your proposal for privatizing all the public schools.
[NYT]
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