Tim Walz Called Elno A Dipsh*t And All We Got Was This Wonderful Memory
And Barack Obama rapped in Detroit!
America’s Dads were out in Madison, Wisconsin, yesterday, fired up and ready to go. Then one of the dads, you might remember him, skinny funny fella named Barack, went to Detroit and rapped at a rapt audience. See what we did there? Dad jokes! They are terrible.
Bamz was in fine form in Madison, urging the audience, “If you haven’t voted yet, I won’t be offended if you just walk out right now! Go vote. Go do it!” As far as we can tell, nobody actually walked out early, since it wasn’t a Trump rally.
Here’s the full video, cued to the start of Walz’s speech; if you want to go back to the start and see the intro by Madison native actor Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman on “The West Wing”) that’s fun, and there are brief speeches by Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers and Sen Tammy Baldwin, too.
Walz and Obama both mocked Donald Trump’s strange clueless photo op where he trick-or-treated as a McDonald’s fry cook for a few minutes. Walz highlighted the strangeness of a rich guy pretending that he was doing a low-wage job, like some kind of freaky 18th Century French aristocrat playing at being a peasant:
“There’s something not just nuts but cruel about a billionaire using people’s livelihood as a political prop. His agenda lets big corporations not pay people for overtime and diminishes those very workers that he was cosplaying as. […] That restaurant wasn’t even open. It was a stunt. Fake orders for fake customers.”
Walz also noted that we haven’t seen a lot of JD Vance these days, at least not since the VP debate, when Vance couldn’t bring himself to admit Trump lost the election in 2020. Then, the coup de grace:
“Look, I won't waste all of the time, I mean I’m gonna talk about his running mate. His running mate, Elon Musk. […] Look, Elon is on that stage jumping around, skipping like a dipshit.”
Ouch. And accurate.
Walz pointed out Trump’s recent spate of cancellations, noting that Trump has refused to debate Harris a second time and acknowledging, “You can’t blame him, because when you get your ass whipped that hard, you don’t come back for seconds.”
Walz added that Trump’s staff, “in a moment of clarity and truth, said he was exhausted. Look, I don’t care how exhausted he is, because I can promise you, he’s not as exhausted as the American people are of him.”
As for the few actual policy ideas Trump has, Walz went after Trump’s plan to cut taxes for the rich again, saying that Trump should have asked people at the fake McDonald’s drive-through if they’d like a massive tax cut for the rich with those fries.
He also noted that Trump’s now calling tax cuts “positive taxation,” which prompted several people in the crowd to yell “bullshit!” Walz readily agreed: “I heard some of you say it: You call it bullshit!” My, Tim, such a potty mouth.
He also pointed out that there’s no contradiction between being a gun owner and hunter and wanting gun safety laws that will keep kids from being shot in schools, adding that “Both members of the Democratic ticket for president and vice president are gun owners, all right? And the Republican nominee can’t pass a background check.” Thirty-four felony convictions will do that.
On abortion rights, Walz made an impassioned call for men in the audience to think of all the women in their lives and recognize that this election is “literally about their lives” and their right to bodily autonomy. He said he couldn’t believe that Trump would brag about overturning Roe: “He’s glad that my daughter, Hope, [and] all of those women in your lives that you love, now have fewer rights than their mothers did.”
Walz reviewed the terrible outcomes for women due to the Trump abortion bans already and vowed, “I’ll be damned if anyone in this country should be denied to have the family that they choose, when they choose, where they choose.”
It was a damn fine speech.
Then it was time for Obama to do his Charming Handsome Bastard We Love Him So Much thing, and it was very much what’s become his standard stump speech for 2024, not that there’s anything wrong with delivering a speech that’s that good in as many locations as possible. So we’ll mostly focus on the stuff that was new in this iteration, or at least the things that stood out to us.
Barry noted that he had already cast his ballot Monday in Chicago, joking that his decision to walk a few blocks to the mailbox made the Secret Service a little “nervous.” And he had a very characteristic corny Obama Dad joke about Kids These Days, too, adding that his Gen Z aides were amazed to see how it worked: “My younger staff was like, ‘What’s that blue thing?’ And I said, ‘That’s a mailbox.’”
Obama even posted a cute video of his walk to the mailbox, which we are posting here mostly because he exclaims to some neighbors, “That’s a good-looking dog!” and you know that the Republican candidate would have just said “keep that mutt away from me, you know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore.”
We also loved the impromptu/practiced aside where someone in the audience shouted, “We miss you!” and Obama replied “I miss you too!” In Detroit later that evening, he’d play grouchy: “Yeah, I miss you too. [Beat] We’ll catch up later.”
Another mostly new bit that joined the repertoire after Trump’s bizarre 40-minute Not-Quite-Dance Party: Obama paused and mused, “He's standing there and he's swaying to ‘Ave Maria’ and ‘YMCA.’ Can you imagine if Tim did that or Kamala did that or I did that? — now, our playlist would be better — but you would say to yourself, ‘this is odd behavior.’”
Speaking of which! After the Madison rally with Walz, Obama went on to Detroit for one more rally, and this time he was introduced by Detroit’s own Actual Shady Slim Jim, the hippety-hop artist M&Ms, so named because his rhymes melt in your mouth, not in your hand:
In return, Obama did his own tribute to Eminem, yes we know his actual name don’t @ us.
The end, Dominic will have a photo feature of the rally for you later bye!
Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please become a paid subscriber, or if you wanna, you can use this button to send us a one-time donation with no mailbox at all, you wacky kids.
It's Dad Jokes all the way down.
Also, byline fixed, but you probably figured it was me anyway
"Look, I don’t care how exhausted he is, because I can promise you, he’s not as exhausted as the American people are of him.”
Shoot this shit right in to my veins.