First there was Ballroom. Then there was Arch.
We’re talking about Donald Trump’s triumphal arch, of course, the one that he wants to erect on a traffic circle in the nation’s capital, where it can block the currently uninterrupted sightlines between the Lincoln Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. That view was laid out purposely for the obvious symbolism of Lincoln being connected to the Union troops Arlington was established to commemorate, but Trump doesn’t care because he thinks the wrong side won the Civil War.
The arch is big, 250 feet tall. It is so tall that there is concern it will endanger planes landing at the nearby Reagan National Airport. This would seem to be the sort of thing that might cause a normal human to rethink the arch’s location, or its height, or better yet, cancel the whole fucking thing and put the money toward feeding the poor or something.
Donald Trump is not a normal person, and besides, what’s an occasional fully loaded 737 crashing into the Potomac if it means Washington DC gets the fascist arch that it was not missing and nobody wanted?
But the planners of the arch came up with a compromise anyway. Now the arch will have an “eternal flame” atop it. Pilots will be able to use it as a reference point when coming in for a landing, so they don’t crash into the giant gilded eagle that’s also going to top the arch.
We suppose they could put plain old warning lights on the arch like every other city does with buildings or radio towers near airports, but then how will people know that Donald Trump is the tackiest human being to walk the earth since Louis XIV’s court still existed?
And that wasn’t the biggest arch news of the week. No, the big news was Trump’s announcement on Sunday that he’s turning the arch into a fortified military redoubt manned by snipers and drones. If General Lee tries to march his army into the city, the Union stands ready:
He’s like a 10-year-old boy playing war: My fort has drones! And snipers! And giant rocket launchers! And a moat with sharks in it! Has no one ever explained to him that G.I. Joe was a cartoon?
Let’s take Trump’s enhancements here one at a time, so that we may laugh at him.
First, drones. Recall that the ballroom is supposed to have what amounts to a drone base on its roof. The man loves his drones. In this case, however, we imagine the military, the FAA, the airport authorities, the airlines, and oh yeah, the passengers, will not be thrilled about putting a launching site for drones right in the middle of the flight path for planes landing at one of the nation’s busiest airports.
Second, snipers? Will the snipers be stationed there full time, in case crime in Washington gets really out of control or Hitler finally builds an aircraft carrier and sends an invasion force across the Atlantic? What are snipers going to cover from that spot? Shooting anyone who dares to mess with the peeling paint in the Reflecting Pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial?
Actually, knowing Trump, that probably is what he’s thinking about.
Third, fabulous, now the arch is another military installation with fencing and security checkpoints. You’re gonna need a bigger traffic circle.
What brought about this change in the arch’s purpose, so that it is now apparently vital to the defense of Washington DC, should Johnny Reb attack? We’ve seen speculation from people who should probably know better that this indicates Trump has no intention of vacating office in 2029 and will use the military to stay in power. The arch, along with the constant National Guard presence, the bunker under the ballroom, and the proposal to fence off Lafayette Park and push the White House security perimeter further out, is evidence of this.
We suspect there is a much likelier explanation than the president provoking a crisis that would make January 6 look like a hectic morning at a daycare. Declaring anything as vital to national security helps get it approved by the courts. Specifically the Supreme Court, which already used the ZOMG PRESIDENT DIAPERS NEEDS IT FOR NATIONAL SECURITY “reasoning” to allow construction of the White House ballroom to proceed full speed ahead recently. Trump, facing all sorts of legal headwinds over building the arch, is trying the same move here.
SCOTUS, you will recall, didn’t rule on the merits of whether Trump has the legal right to build the ballroom. It dismissed the case in one of its patented unsigned shadow docket decisions on the theory that the plaintiffs in the case lacked standing. They have set Trump up nicely here to claim the same thing with the groups suing to keep the arch from being built.
So, those veterans who claim the arch will ruin the solemnity of visiting Arlington National Cemetery can look forward to Sam Alito lawsplaining to them why the baby gets to build his giant triumphal arch to loom over the nation’s war dead, and then load it up like it’s an outpost in the Hindu Kush. We’re already outraged.
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If ya got snipers up in the arch all day, yer gonna have to have toilets and probably other stuff (a well-stocked snack vending machine and a coffee maker?) that those snipers are gonna need for their endless days of boredom, staring out at the traffic as it circles around and around and around... Anyway, I'm just sayin', less room to store all those important drones and ammo and sharks and stuff.
OT:
I got a jerb at pay less than what I wanted, but Imma take it till something better comes my way.