Is Tommy Tuberville's Reaction To Trump Indictment The Stupidest One, Or Does He Have Competition?

Rep. Byron Donalds is in this fight.

 We visited this morning with some Republican senators who are being tepid at best with their half-assed defenses of Donald Trump, who is indicted 37 times for stealing America's nuclear secrets and trying to hide them from the feds for reasons that still are not clear. (We have some guesses! They have to do with "crime.")

Now let's visit a couple of stupids.  

We'll start with Tommy "Tubs" Tuberville, the Republican senator from Alabama who is the official reigning titleholder for Stupidest Republican in the Entire Whole Ass Senate, a title he has held since February 25, 2022, when Wonkette decided he had earned it. 

 How does Tubble Bubble feel about Trump stealing America's nuclear secrets and hiding them from the feds, thereby putting America's national security at grave risk? HE AIN'T CARE!

“Those who live in a glass house don’t need to throw rocks,” Tuberville told CNN, trying to equate the case to the situation involving Joe Biden.

Yes well, listen, Tubbity Bobbity Boo. We know senator-ing is hard and you weren't that good at coaching either and that all random google searches about you turn up more evidence that you are just the dumbest, most full-of-it bumpkin what ever crawled out of an Alabama creekbed, and sweet lord, that is saying a lot. But a key difference is that Joe Biden actually ordered his lawyers to make sure he didn't have classified documents and a second key difference is that when they found that he did he's cooperated fully the entire time and a third key difference is go fuck yourself, Tubs.

Also "He did it too!" is not actually an adult's defense to "stole nuclear secrets," even if it were true, and it isn't.

 TRUMP AND JOE BIDEN BOTH STOLE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AND TOOK THEM TO MAR-A-LAGO! (Except Joe Biden) 

More Tubber blabber:

Tuberville claimed that Trump declassified the documents, but when asked about the allegation that Trump knew he didn’t declassify the records , he said that the former president needs to clarify the matter.

Um, not really. Any idiot knows he didn't declassify the American national defense secrets he stole.

Asked if he was concerned that Trump may have made false statements to investigators and obstructed this investigation, Tuberville said, “I don’t know anything about that now. They obviously got what they wanted. I don’t know whether he obstructed or not.”

They got what they wanted after they had to show up at his trash palace unannounced and seize the records he was illegally keeping from them . Does poor Tubs know what "obstruct" means?

So that's Tubs. Goddamn, he's stupid. 

“This is also the same Biden Department of Justice that treated concerned parents like terrorists. The Biden Administration has forced us into a two-tiered, politicized justice system in this country. (2/2)”

— Coach Tommy Tuberville (@Coach Tommy Tuberville) 1686277872 

Now here's GOP Rep. Byron Donalds. We already knew Speaker Kevin McCarthy experienced some confusion over Bathrooms, How Do They Work when trying to make up a defense for Trump. He thought it was better to have your nuclear secrets in the bathroom than in the garage where Joe Biden had, um, not nuclear secrets, because at least (?) bathroom doors (?) lock (????).

Kevin is stupid, everyone knows it, it's a whole thing. 

But Byron Donalds is pretty stupid too. Check him out on CNN, having his own trouble understanding bathrooms:

DONALDS: You guys are throwing up the pictures about they were in the bathroom or they were on the stage. As somebody who’s been to Mar-a-Lago, you can’t just walk through Mar-a-Lago of your own accord because Secret Service is all over the place. So if the documents are in a place, they’re in a room, depending on the time of year, you can’t even get into said room. There are 33 bathrooms at Mar-a-Lago, so don’t act like it’s just in some random bathroom where guests can go into. That’s not true.

Oh is this a secret bathroom where nobody else is ever allowed to go? Is it a SCIF?

Are guests allowed to see this bathroom, or only employees? And are only guests likely to include foreign spies posing as guests, or could foreign spies also pose as people who need a job at Mar-a-Lago? And does that door lock from the inside so a spy could go in there and make big sounds like "NNNNNNNGH! NNNNNNNNGH!" on the potty so everybody would think they're dropping deuces when really they are dropping deuces and reading and/or scanning our nuclear secrets?

Does this bathroom have a force field around it? Is it special like that? Does Byron Donalds even know for a fact which bathroom all the nuclear secrets were in? Or is he just lying? Has he shitted in that bathroom? Did he try to shitted in it, but a yuge dragon wouldn't let him in unless he answered three questions? Was one of the questions "Do you promise not to look at the nuclear secrets in here unless you promise to give them to Vladimir Putin?"

This man is the man the stupidest members of the House Republican Caucus wanted to make speaker instead of Kevin McCarthy.

Verdict: Tommy Tuberville is the stupidest person in the Senate, but Kevin McCarthy and Byron Donalds aren't in the Senate, so we can call everybody the stupidest.

[ CNN / Mediaite ]

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