Trump Cannot Believe The Gall On You Still Caring About Jeffrey Epstein!
And Pam Bondi meant the file okay?
For the last God knows how many years, the Right has been obsessed with Jeffrey Epstein. Not because they necessarily give a flying shit about the horrible things he did to young girls, but rather because they were so completely sure that if his client list and file came out, he would out all of the bad Democrats as evil pedophiles — Bill Clinton in particular. You know, because he’s so fabulously relevant these days.
You see, because they don’t have regular, blatant confirmation of our intrinsic evilness — like, we’re not the ones going around kidnapping people from their homes, harassing children who just want to play sports, or going around sounding like David Duke — conservatives have to come up with stories about what we are probably doing. Like trafficking children in Wayfair cabinets, pushing for vaccines for the purpose of “controlling them,” eating babies, and, as always, worshiping Satan.
And yet, despite all of the years and years talking about their beautiful plans for the day when the Epstein files would be released, they are suddenly very willing to just get over it. While there are likely a variety of reasons for this, the big one is their beautiful dream of taking down a 78-year-old vegan who hasn’t been president for 25 years.
I mean, there might be others, but they don’t seem to mention them all that often.
Speaking to the press on Monday, Trump completely lost his shit over a reporter asking him about the Epstein files instead of about all the great things he’s done since retaking office. He would even have rather talked about the floods in Texas, during which he was golfing this past weekend.
“Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years. You’re asking — we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. And are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable,” Trump said.
“I mean, I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this where we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy, with what happened in Texas,” he added. “It just seems like a desecration.”
Pam Bondi then went on to claim that she never said that she had the Epstein client list on her desk, despite the fact that she definitely did do that.
“In February, I did an interview on Fox. And it’s been getting a lot of attention because I was asked a question about the client list. And my response was, ‘It’s sitting on my desk to be reviewed.’ Meaning the file — along with the JFK, MLK files as well. That’s what I meant by that,” Bondi explained.
In response to questions about the fact that there was a Rose Mary Woods-style minute missing from the tape that was supposed to prove nobody entered Epstein’s cell during which, some suggested, someone could have hypothetically snuck in and murdered him and then deleted the footage, Bondi explained that the same minute is always missing from that tape.
“The [prison] video was not conclusive, but the evidence prior to it was, showing he committed suicide. And what was on that — there was a minute that was off the counter. And what we learned from Bureau of Prisons was every night they redo that video — it’s old, from like 1999 — so every night the video is reset.
“And every night should have the same minute missing. So we’re looking for that video to release that as well, showing that a minute is missing every night,” she explained. “And that’s it on Epstein!”
That’s it, folks, nothing to see here!
Every other article I have seen on this incident so far has a headline like “Donald Trump's Response to Jeffrey Epstein Question Leaves MAGA Stunned” — except, from what I can tell, most of them are not stunned. If anything, what I’ve mostly seen is people flipping incredibly fast to “We never cared about Jeffrey Epstein anyway, what are you even talking about?” or speculation about how this is 5D chess meant to lull all of the pedophiles into a false sense of security so that he can round them up and arrest them later.
Or, as noted Pizzagate idiot Liz Crokin explained:
Of course, there were a few holdouts, like Laura Loomer and Roseanne, but they were largely met with “Ugh, stop it, no one ever cared!”
Anyone who hasn’t fallen in line so far will be doing so soon enough. These people are well trained to come up with excuses for everything Trump does or doesn’t do — because, much like God, if he isn’t entirely infallible, everything falls apart and none of it makes any sense anymore.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
>>You’re asking — we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things<<
Do. not. even. PRETEND. that. you. give. a. single. FUCK. about. Texas.
“Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years. You’re asking — we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. And are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable,” Trump said.
I mean, apart from what this says about him, I really think it's fucking rich that he pretends to be upset that people are "still talking about" one of the worst sex criminals in recent history when he himself still nurses the pettiest grudges about celebrities nobody really remembers from the eighties and nineties and talks about them whenever prompted.