FBI: Epstein Client List Does Not Exist, Epstein Committed Suicide, Maybe Never Existed Either

They just existed about a month ago ...

Jul 07, 2025

Back in February, United States Attorney General Pam Bondi announced that the Epstein files were on her desk and she was going to release them just as soon as she could ensure they didn’t contain any child pornography or anything like that.

Right around that same time, the White House released “Epstein Files Phase One” to a bunch of MAGA influencers, seen above. It wasn’t everything they wanted — or anything much at all — but they were assured more was coming soon.

It wasn’t and, as it turns out, it won’t be.

According to an FBI memo published by Axios over the weekend, while they have thousands of hours of video evidence of Epstein and minors or those who appear to be minors being sexually assaulted, they do not have any information about who might have been doing it.

“The files relating to Epstein include a large volume of images of Epstein, images and videos of victims who are either minors or appear to be minors, and over ten thousand downloaded videos and images of illegal child sex abuse material and other pornography,” the memo stated.

And yet, it concluded that “This systematic review revealed no incriminating ‘client list.’ There was also no credible evidence found that Epstein blackmailed prominent individuals as part of his actions. We did not uncover evidence that could predicate an investigation against uncharged third parties.”

I am not much for speculation, but that does seem just a tad odd, no? Like, thousands of girls were trafficked and sexually exploited, by men, but we have no idea who they are, despite thousands of hours of video, and the only person who is going to prison for it is Ghislaine Maxwell, a woman? Really?

The memo also stated that there is now video evidence that no one murdered Epstein.

“The conclusion that Epstein died by suicide is further supported by video footage from the common area of the Special Housing Unit (SHU) where Epstein was housed at the time of his death. As DOJ’s Inspector General explained in 2023, anyone entering or attempting to enter the tier where Epstein’s cell was located from the SHU common area would have been captured by this footage. The FBI’s independent review of this footage confirmed that from the time Epstein was locked in his cell at around 10:40 pm on August 9, 2019, until around 6:30 am the next morning, nobody entered any of the tiers in the SHU,” it read.

That is somewhat less suspicious, frankly. I know everyone believes that he was murdered in order to keep other people from being found out, but it wouldn’t be entirely crazy for him to have decided that spending the rest of his life in prison and facing those charges was not something he wanted to do. In 2019, there were 699 suicides in US prisons and jails, so it’s not as though it’s entirely unheard of, either.

Both FBI Director Kash Patel and Deputy Director Dan Bongino were, prior to their appointments, MAGA influencers who had promoted the conspiracy theory that Epstein had been murdered so that no one would find out about all the “elites” to whom he trafficked minors.

The memo also claimed that Epstein was not planning to blackmail anyone, which seems far less likely than the purported suicide coverup, given that he reportedly tried to blackmail Bill Gates about his affair with a twenty-something Russian bridge player.

Over on Xitter, however, debate seems to be raging among the MAGA faithful. Did Patel, Bondi, and Bongino become evil Deep State actors? Or did the Biden administration remove all of the incriminating evidence from the Epstein files before they had a chance to see it? Supporters are split!

“Assuming this leaked Epstein Files memo is true, then we all know this is a shameful coverup to protect the most heinous elites,” wrote DC Draino, one of the MAGA influencers who received the original phase one Epstein files. “We were told multiple times the files would be released and now it looks like backroom deals have been made to keep them hidden.”

“Just unfollowed you,” one user responded. “Obviously, we are all disappointed, but is it that hard to believe that the deep state that has been in control for the last 50 fucking years wouldn’t have scrubbed any incriminating evidence on themselves?”

“Hopefully someone at the White House press briefing today asks if President Trump plans on FIRING Pam Blondi,” wrote Laura Loomer. “If she doesn’t get fired over this Epstein memo, people are going to be so black pilled.”

Several very normal people started making up a whole story about how the reason the information wasn’t released was because Kash Patel’s girlfriend works for Prager U and the CEO of Prager U was in the IDF — and they’ve got the MSPaint to prove it.

No idea who this guy is, but he’s got 400K followers.

“Kash Patel's girlfriend is a Jewish ‘country singer’ and works for Prager U, run by Dennis Prager whose CEO is a known former Mossad operative,” wrote Salty Girl, whom I’ve never heard of but who has 60,000 followers, “Epstein Island was a blackmail operation for Mossad. If you release the client list You can no longer blackmail the client list.”

Alexis Wilkins, Patel’s girlfriend, met him at ReAwaken America, a Christian Nationalist symposium, and is very clearly not Jewish, not that it should matter. But it sure is something to see these people turning their own nonsense on themselves.

Donate Just Once!

Elon Musk, who has been in the middle of a very public split with the Trump administration and briefly accused Trump of having been named in the Epstein files, also shared several memes on the subject.

The primary theory on the right-wing conspiracy boards right now, however, is that this — along with Musk’s claim that Trump is in the files — is merely a ploy to trick the Left into also demanding to see the Epstein files/client list, after which we will discover that it was filled with only Democrats and RINOs all along. It’s kind of a weird conspiracy theory that only makes sense if everything you know about “the Left” is what you make up yourself, because who is it that they think would be opposed to releasing that information to begin with? And why would we be the thing standing in the way of that release to begin with?

Of course, we’re not really talking about people known to make a lot of sense, are we?

At this point, I don’t think any of us is under the impression that Trump — a man with few friends who liked to go out clubbing with maybe his best friend, Jeffrey Epstein — being named in the Epstein files or client list or whatever would make one bit of difference. There could be photographic evidence of him frolicking around Epstein Island in a speedo, amongst 20 underage girls, and his supporters could find a way to excuse it, just like they’ve done with every other terrible thing he’s done or been recorded doing or saying.

Frankly, I almost feel a little offended that these people think, for one moment, that we respect them enough to believe this would tip the scales for them. Or that the Trump administration would release the files or client list, in full, if his name appeared on them.

PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!