Trump In Garage In Puddle Of Tears Trying To Find Some Of Eric's Old Toys To Sell For $454 Million
Day of judgment approacheth.
The updates keep coming on what may be the worst week of Donald Trump’s life so far, the week he’s unable to make his $454 million civil fraud bond in New York.
Is there an OnlyFans fetish market for Yeti pubes and failure? Can he sell his plasma? What about DoorDash? Can he deliver that on his golf cart? And good lord, are there NO hostile foreign powers to bail him out, now that he’s proven himself to be a world-historical loser who can’t deliver?
CNN reports that Trump is freaking the fuck out, trying to find rich supporters to grift and assets to sell, and quickly. He apparently really thought that company Chubb — the one that underwrote his bond in the civil case of the woman he raped, then defamed repeatedly, oh, and, in a fraud ouroboros, that one that originally did the penthouse “appraisal” for which he just earned that judgment for which he is currently trying to find a bond! — was going to come through here too, but they told him to fuck off.
And he’s “increasingly concerned” — probably pants-pissing scared, more like it — of what it’s going to look like if/when the March 25 deadline comes and he really can’t make bond. Those fucking idiots who love him really think he’s a successful businessman, because they’re dumb cows who don’t know any better, who thought “The Celebrity Apprentice” was a documentary.
Obviously, we all saw evidence of Trump’s state of mind as we watched him melt down on Truth Social yesterday.
Trump’s campaign says all reports about Trump freaking out are lies, and you can tell they’re telling the truth because of how cool, calm and collected their denials are:
“These baseless innuendos are pure bullsh*t,” Trump campaign spokesman Steven Cheung said in a statement Tuesday. “President Trump has filed a motion to stay the unjust, unconstitutional, un-American judgment from New York Judge Arthur Engoron in a political Witch Hunt brought by a corrupt Attorney General. A bond of this size would be an abuse of the law, contradict bedrock principals of our Republic, and fundamentally undermine the rule of law in New York.”
Hahahaha, clean up on aisle Mar-a-Lago, they’re queenin’ the fuck out.
Also it’s “principles,” but we understand if poor Steven Cheung was just hysterically screaming into his voice text and didn’t proof it.
As for that stay request, New York Attorney General Letitia James responded in a filing this morning that if Trump is having a hard time finding one entity to bond his $454 million judgment, he’s always free to split it up among however many sugar daddies he needs to. She also responded to Trump’s whining that no companies will accept his real estate as collateral, saying that “sureties may have refused to accept defendants’ specific holdings as collateral because using Mr. Trump’s real estate will generally need ‘a property appraisal’ and his holdings are not nearly as valuable as defendants claim.”
Which is … damn.
So anyway!
One thing Trump really doesn’t want to do, reportedly, is file bankruptcy. The New York Post is a bullshit paper, but this kind of seedy New York business gossip is its bread and butter, and its sources say Trump might not post bond at all, and instead let Tish James seize Trump Tower. Or other buildings. Or bank accounts.
But surprise, it’s not because he’s humbled. It’s because he’s always letting people blow kisses up his rectum that say he’s going to win on appeal, or even that the Supreme Court will give it back, eventually!
It’s an option Trump appears to have considered – partly because he believes the chances are good that he could recover the assets on appeal, even if he is forced to take his case to the US Supreme Court, according to friends.
“Even if there is a taking, it doesn’t mean he can’t take it back later,” a source close to Trump told The Post.
LMAO. Would that be before or after Tish James sells all his shit on Facebook Marketplace?
Trump thinks he has a strong case. He thinks he’s making sense when he says this is going to make businesses flee New York, as if everybody is as pathetic a criminal as he is. (We aren’t saying there aren’t a bunch of corporate criminals in New York. We’re saying there are none so breathtakingly stupid.)
Look at this delusional wishful thinking:
Among other considerations, if the decision is not overturned, “it will have a chilling effect on people who do business in New York because it could happen to anyone,” according to one insider.
“There will be severe consequences — not an insurrection. People will stop doing business in New York. No one will take the risk, and lenders are now spooked. The real estate market is already a disaster, with office buildings worth a fraction of what they were once worth, and there are metastasizing effects when a large part of the city’s budget is from real estate.”
Bless. His. Goddamned. Heart.
In summary and in conclusion, happy 18th birthday, Barron Trump!
This has been a blog post about your good-for-nothing piece of shit deadbeat dad.
[CNN / New York Post]
YESTERDAY!
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@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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>> "The real estate market is already a disaster, with office buildings worth a fraction of what they were once worth" <<
Yeah, this is known as "supply and demand" and when the internet allows people to work from home so 20%-60% of your desks are open every day (depending on the type of business you run), it actually occurs to the shareholder types that they could save 20% to 60% of their real estate costs in exchange for very modest increases in IT -- much of it in communications security which many companies should have been investing more in already, so it's almost cost free.
But when their leases are up and they say, "Sure, I only want to lease 4 floors not 5," the building owners can't find anyone to rent that 5th floor because literally all their other tenants are also looking to rent less, not more.
And so entire floors go unoccupied and landlords offer cheaper rents since "cheap" still gets them more money than "zero". And if the rents fall, then by definition your building's theoretical ability to generate income falls, and if that falls, then the building, like any business asset, will be valued less.
All of this was inevitable with the rise of the internet and videoconferencing technologies which were pioneered first by academics to see what was possible on the bleeding edge of tech, for research purposes, and then by the pornographers, because if 900 numbers worked so well, what about 900 numbers WITH LIVE VIDEO?, and then for the tech nerd video gamers, who wanted to do it, but not so much that they wanted to pay for it.
And that's how you get low cost tech. But the business community wasn't going to embrace it unless and until they had to, because the people at the top of business are old and conservative.
ENTER TRUMP.
Because he couldn't manage the COVID crisis of 2020 (and regretfully to be fair, it's not clear that anyone could have, but you gotta admit he was particularly bad at it), we all had to dramatically limit face to face interactions and suddenly many industries found that the nature of their work allowed an alternative to shut down: OnlyFans. Wait, excuse me, "Zoom," which is OnlyFans without the pay-per-minute option. Sure restaurant workers never got a telecommute option, and sure as hell hospitals' medical staff didn't, but just about anyone who plays with numbers, writes reports, or codes computers did. And that's how we got where we are.
Why did I write out this long thingamabob, you ask? It is because Trump is complaining about real estate values falling in NYC after he specifically told the people under him he wanted COVID to run rampant to punish the people he didn't like in NY and Cali and all those other dense urban areas that tend to vote blue.
It boils down to this: Trump is complaining in court filings that Trump crashed his property values on purpose to own the libs and guess what? Now the libs are gonna own everything he thought was his.
SAD.
NOBODY WANTS TO BUSINESS IN NEW YORK ANYMORE! Well, except for all of the companies that want to do business in New York, one of the priciest real estate markets in the world, for some reason, which might have to do with supply and demand, I dunno, I’m no “billionaire” real estate mogul.