Trump Lickspittles Too Cowardly To Abandon His Sinking Campaign

MAGA has a way of keeping people in line.

Have you noticed the hot new trend in MAGAworld? Oh, you are groaning right now, not another joke about couch-fucking.

Nope, this one is not related to furniture in any way. We have standards to upholster here at Wonkette.

Uphold. Standards to uphold. Whew.

Nope, this trend involves wingnut chuds trying to inch their way out of the cult of Donald Trump via public endorsement of someone else — somebody nutty, it’s not as if these guys have been coconut-pilled — only to turn tail and come scurrying back like rats who realize the water is too cold and then convince themselves in their tiny rat brains that maybe, despite the giant holes in the hull and the screaming of doomed passengers and the 80-degree list to starboard, maybe somehow the ship won’t sink after all.

Joe Rogan, for example. On Thursday, Rogan told his podcast audience of incels and Jordan Peterson fans — but we repeat ourselves — that maybe he could see his way clear to supporting a different presidential candidate than Donald Trump. Somebody bold. Somebody who really has it together. Somebody like independent candidate and ursine carcass defiler Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Here is Rogan on his show on Thursday, via The New Republic:

“They gaslight you, they manipulate you, they promote narratives, and the only one who is not doing that is Robert F. Kennedy Jr.,” Rogan said, adding that Kennedy is “the only one that makes sense to me.”

“He’s the only one that — he doesn’t attack people, he attacks actions and ideas, but he’s much more reasonable and intelligent,” Rogan said. “I mean, the guy was an environmental attorney and he cleaned up the East River. He’s a legitimate guy.”

Rogan also went on to praise RFK’s book The Real Anthony Fauci and yammer about a conspiracy between the government and Big Pharma and we don’t know what else, our brain drifted off towards the Orion Nebula about halfway through his spiel.

The RFK love was followed by 24 hours of Rogan getting absolutely bodied by Trump cultists, culminating in the big man himself taking to his floundering TruthSocial site on Friday morning to pour it on:

Booed at a UFC match? The horror. It must have scared Rogan, because by Friday he was on Twitter clarifying for everyone:

Translation: Please stop inundating my producer with hate mail, he is a delicate and sensitive flower.

Also we would submit that Trump being mad about getting grazed by a bullet is also an “American fucking thing,” but probably not for the same reasons Joe Rogan thinks

Rogan was not the only right-wing figure who inched away from Trump recently, only to scurry back under a barrage of online abuse. Last week Kyle Rittenhouse, last seen not taking our advice to thank his lucky stars and retreat back into the obscurity he had earlier, uh, shot out of, announced in a now-deleted tweet that Trump had disappointed him with some perceived squishiness on the Second Amendment. Therefore, Rittenhouse had no choice but to write in Ron Paul for president in November.

That brave and bold stance lasted all of about 12 hours, during which, The Guardian reports, Rittenhouse was flooded with impotent flailing from the dorks who had once celebrated his ability to get away with shooting people:

One of the more typical comments responding to Rittenhouse’s temporary endorsement of Paul was from political commentator Joey Mannarino, who wrote on X: “If not for Maga, you would be rotting in a prison bending over for Bubba … Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!”

Another X user added: “I wish they would’ve let you go to prison so you could be the bitch you actually are.”

So it did not take long for Rittenhouse to get back on ExTwitter to beg for mercy:

Attaboy, Kyle. Way to stick to your principles.

Finally, we have right-wing podcaster Tim Pool, last seen in these pages mistaking Tom Morello for Benito Mussolini. On Friday morning, Tim decided to hop on the old bandwagon with the other people renouncing Trump. Or he hopped off the Trump bandwagon. Maybe he jumped from one bandwagon to the other without his feet touching the ground? Anyway:

After that insane press conference and his buddy Joe Rogan going rogue? Sure, why not, these guys can smell a loser when they see one, sometimes.

Then an hour and a half later:

An hour after that, more damage control. The babies were big mad:

Sadly, RFK Jr. had already tweeted his gratitude for Pool’s endorsement, so Pool had to take it back. Then he spent the rest of the day fighting with MAGA influencer catturd2, because politics in 2024 are really, really weird.

So if two is a coincidence and three is a trend, we can expect a few more of the Right’s dumber influencers — again, but we repeat ourselves — to make a hesitant dash for freedom from the Bronzed One’s cult, only to get dragged back after a few nasty tweets. No one ever accused these guys of having principles.

[New Republic / Twitter / Twitter / The Guardian / New Republic]

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