And now, a followup to our earlier post about the general panic gripping Republicans right now nationwide. In this post, we’ll narrow the focus to Donald Trump, and how truly pathetic he is.
Because, well, bless his heart, but Trump is telling “sir” stories about Melania now. Or at least he’s telling “sir” stories about “my wife.” It’s always possible — and there’s precedent for this — that he is not sure who he’s talking about when he refers to “my wife.”
It could have been Natalie he was talking about. Maybe these days he really doesn’t know which lady is in the room with him, and has lost the power to discern between the cold Slovenian one who bats his fish hand away every time he attempts to touch her and the nice blonde one who would cross an ocean just to take one of his diapers to the dumpster, who calls him “Father Jesus Lord Captain My Captain World’s Best Dear Leader Daddy-O” and squeaks the squeaky toys that make him laugh.
But last night, at that pathetic rally Trump did for Ken Paxton in Texas — “for” — Trump told a sir story about “my wife.” Apparently she’s been correcting his pronuncation of “vegan.”
“You know, my wife told me ‘sir, you have to do me a favor — it’s not vay-gan, it’s vee-gan.’”
So, that didn’t happen. Donald Trump’s wife under no circumstances calls him “sir.” Maybe it was Todd Blanche wearing an assless French maid’s costume?
Trump continued telling the story he hallucinates about James Talarico once a day, between sunrise and sundown:
“Now he says he loves meat, but he’s a vegan — see, Melania? I got that right.”
Melania Trump did not call Trump “sir.” Perhaps it was Kash Patel wearing an assless French maid’s costume?
“He’s a vegan. He wants to eat a piece of lettuce, a little piece of lettuce, please. You know where he is? He’s sick because he’s been forced to eat meat for political reasons, and he’s throwing up all over the place. He’s sick.”
OK. James Talarico has the flu because he has been trading his normal meals of “a little piece of lettuce please” for “political meat” and now he’s throwing up.
Trump concluded with another lie: “How the hell would I know? I like steak!”
No. Donald Trump likes burned cow meat with ketchup. That is not steak. Calling what he eats steak would be like calling his ballroom “architecture” or calling his presidency “successful.”
But sure, whatever.
So that’s a little snapshot of how Trump’s sadness rally for Paxton went.
There were a number of protesters in the room who disrupted the event multiple times, and one of them was assaulted by one of Trump’s MAGA cows on camera.
Trump tried to pre-emptively brag about how many people were there, as the camera panned to reveal lots of empty seats.
Trump incited hatred with lies about migrants killing everybody.
He repeated his mangled, babbling lines about letting Iran nuke Los Angeles or San Diego, which, we hate to say it, but we’ve been covering this man’s butchering of the English language for over a decade now, and it is not actually correct to say he was inviting Iran to bomb those places. He’s trying to fearmonger over the possibility of Iran doing that if Hero Trump hadn’t stopped them from getting a bomb they definitely never would have gotten if he had just left Barack Obama’s goddamned fucking nuclear deal in place.
For a longer explanation of this, read Jonathan Bernstein at the Good Politics/Bad Politics Substack, on how Trump really didn’t say the thing he’s being accused of, but nobody should really give a damn that he’s being misinterpreted, because for one thing, he can go fuck himself.
Never let it be said that Wonkette is unfair to that pedophile-protecting Little Hitler stupid-ass senile pantshitting dictator wannabe loser.
As the New York Times notes, the thing Trump really didn’t talk about during his Ken Paxton rally was Ken Paxton, which is probably good, because this is Ken Paxton last night at the same rally:
Got that? No? OK, well what Ken Paxton said there was:
“Have y’all ever heard that this is the most important election of your lifetime. Anybody ever heard that? Well, you know what, I’ve been thinking about that — and, you know, why do we always say that? And you know what, I want you to think about this. The Continental Divide in the United States. If a drop of rain falls one inch or more on the right side, on the East side, it ends up in the Atlantic Ocean. If it falls one inch on the other side, or more, it ends up in the Pacific Ocean — unless we’ve renamed it. I think that’s possible. This election, we’re not talking about red versus blue. We’re not talking about a moderate Democrat. We’re talking about the Constitutional Republic. Freedom. The Bill of Rights. We’re talking about capitalism. On the other side, we’re talking about communism, socialism. The government controlling. That’s why these elections are really mattering. And they matter, unfortunately, right here in Texas.”
Huh.
Well maybe the people in the room were fired up for Ken Paxton anyway?
“Look, we’re voting for him, let’s just put it that way,” said Julie Funk, a 66-year-old retired first-grade teacher from nearby Bulverde, Texas. She was there with a few of her girlfriends, all of whom winced at the mention of Mr. Paxton.
“I absolutely agree with all of” the president’s characterizations, Ms. Funk said.
Conversations with likely voters were a tad awkward, since all of them seemed to have heard the president describe their Senate candidate as a pain who looks bad, dresses bad and talks bad. Some tried looking on the bright side.
“He probably already has changed some of that,” a 73-year-old former agriculture worker named Jody Gatto said of Mr. Paxton. “The way he dresses, he definitely has sharpened it up a little bit. Yeah. But you know what? He is what he is.”
Whoa, those are some Texas-sized boners for Ken Paxton, don’t let the enthusiasm knock you over!
As we noted in our morning post, Trump got back to the White House and started yammering on Truth Social, accusing James TalaFREAKo of being missing in action (you know, because of that slice of lunchmeat he ate), and daring him to debate Paxton.
To which Talarico replied:
“This is what Trump panic looks like,” wrote The New Republic this morning, about Trump’s bonkers tour of high school gyms in red states that he can’t seem to sell out anymore.
“In actuality, my Events for very good Republican Politicians are probably more crowded than ever. There are no empty seats, there haven’t been for years, and there never will be. The Rallies are ‘HOTTER’ than ever,” Trump writes on Truth Social, because of how hot his rallies are, actually.
And then the camera pans around and …
TNR:
Trump will keep jetting from rally to rally, and keep jerking his arms as “YMCA” blares in ever-smaller venues. He will keep reciting old grievances about Hillary Clinton and newer ones about trans people and Canadians. He will keep doing what he’s always done because he doesn’t know how to do anything else. But there was a kernel to what he said in Mobile about seeking the company of the people who loved him all along. As he becomes more unpopular and his party’s panic grows, these cozy rallies are his safe space—the last remaining place where he is still adored, still funny, and still winning.
Much more about how pathetic Trump has become at that link.
Quick, Donald! Make up another story about your wife calling you “sir”! Say “transgender for everybody” again!
The strong men with tears in their eyes are hanging on your every word!
[New York Times / The New Republic]
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Piggy doing half empty high school gyms is the perfect ending to this wretched era.
During the heckling last night in San Antone, the MAGAts started screaming "We love you, Daddy Trump!"
IT IS NOTT a CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!