Trump Stands Up To Our Greatest Enemies, All Of Europe, To Let Putin Keep Warring On Our Ally Ukraine
How do you say in Russian, 'useful idiot'?
When we last left off yesterday, Donald J. Trump, the convicted felon and fraud who somehow is the president of the United States, was at a table surrounded by the seven most powerful leaders of Europe. They’d rushed over following Trump’s horrifying “summit” in Alaska last Friday with Vladimir Putin, war criminal/murderer of more than 400,000 innocent Ukrainians, which ended with Putin sprinting up the stairs of his plane, gleeful how it seemed Trump was poised to give him pieces of Ukraine that are not Trump’s to give, plus assurances that Ukraine would not join NATO, which is not Trump’s decision to make, in exchange for Ukraine getting absolutely nothing but vague “security assurances.”
PREVIOUSLY!
Yesterday was upbeat, and Trump reveled in the attention. He held a press scrum earlier in the day with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, then had a short private meeting with him, and then called Vlad Putin for 40 minutes while his guests stood around waiting. Then he loudly bragged to Emmanuel Macron, president of France, that Putin really wanted to make a deal, this time, for him, Donald Trump, the world’s most special boy.
Once convened, the European leaders — Macron; British Prime Minister Keir Starmer; Finnish President Alexander Stubb; German Chancellor Friedrich Merz; Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni; NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte; and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen — reminded Trump who they were.
OOF. And they were like, that’s great, Donald (Trump set the precedent of calling everyone by their first names, like it was some kind of hippie summer camp), it’s incredible how much power you have! Putin has never come to the table before, and it is all thanks to YOU! A deal would sure be great, can’t wait, let’s do it! Watch Italian PM Meloni fluffing him up.
President Zelenskyy has been clear that he does not have the power to give away land, but let’s say, for the sake of argument, that he actually might. So what then, brain genius? How about some of the details of this amazing deal you made, that you refuse to release to anyone?
First of all, what about a ceasefire, because a war isn’t over if people are still shooting, duh. And Trump was like, no, no, we don’t need a ceasefire to make peace. I’ve made peace with no ceasefire in SIX WARS already. And German Chancellor Friedrich Merz was like, no, that’s not how peace works, in the nicest and simplest kind of way, on the off chance the man is not being conniving, but just gullible and kind of dumb. (Or both!)
Also the European leaders wanted to know, what about the 18,000-something Ukrainian children Russia has kidnapped? Any kind of deal on bringing them back? Nope.
Well, okay then! On to these land “swaps.” Let’s say you gift Putin this land, what kind of security assurances do Ukraine and Europe have that Putin is not just going to take the gifts of land and not do any ceasefire, or return the children, and just keeps on bombing and trying to take more land? Are boots from the United States military going to be on the ground? Will Putin agree that it would be fair for NATO forces to come into Ukraine and kick his ratty ass on back out at that point?
Well, no. Putin won’t agree to that! But the US will “coordinate” Europe doing something about it. And Trump promised that there would be a trilateral meeting between himself, Putin, and Zelenskyy sometime, which he has been promising since May. Bookmark that one!
It is still a mystery what Putin said to Trump in their quiet car ride in Alaska, and during the closed-door meeting, that made Trump’s aides run out with “ashen” faces and cancel lunch. So let’s speculate wildly, why not.
Maybe Putin just walked Trump like a pig at the fair, and screamed at him for not bringing a surrender offer from Zelenskyy like he said he was going to, and that baking halibut in mayonnaise is disgusting (it’s actually good, mayo is just eggs and oil and vinegar and a dash of mustard, after all, but it does sound disgusting), and Karoline Leavitt was horrified to hear Trump spoken to so rudely.
Or MAYBE ... remember how Russia just breached the Federal Court Filing System? That would give them access to ALL manner of sensitive documents. Confidential informants and witnesses. Sealed grand jury testimony. PERHAPS Russia was listening, as Pam Bondi’s DOJ was making such a lame show of trying to unseal the grand jury testimony that led to Ghislaine Maxwell’s indictment that actually had no new information in it, and noticed that Team Coverup notably has not tried to unseal any of the grand jury testimony that led to Jeffrey Epstein’s indictment, over his child-sex-trafficking activities in New York and Palm Beach between 2002 and 2005.
And as you’ll recall, that was peak Trump, Epstein, and Maxwell BFF-era, with Trump between wives. It was the period of time where Trump was calling Epstein all the time and leaving messages with madam house manager Maxwell. And 2003 was when Trump doodled those boobs and pubes in Epstein’s birthday book. Then in 2005 Trump married Melania, and sometime in 2006 Trump and Epstein broke up, and Trump moved on to cheating with the likes of Stormy Daniels and Karen MacDougal. So, if Mr. and Mrs. Trump do appear anywhere in the Epstein Grand Jury Files, it would be there.
And not just that! There’d be all the other dirt from Trump’s 91 indictments that weren’t made public. All his humiliating bankruptcies and details of his and his family’s various financial frauds. Confidential informants and witnesses, and un-redacted co-conspirators. And surely plenty of dirt about investigations into the criminal activities of Russians in America, as well. A veritable cornucopia!
It’s interesting that Trump’s response to that hack was to shrug and say, well, they’re Russians, hacking is what they do. And Trump claims he did not bring up any of it up to Putin at their meeting. Kind of weird, right? So maybe the thing Putin said was, “I have all the receipts of years of where you put penis.” Just spitballin’! We’ll never know!
Anyway, back to this meeting, not unlike one at my kids’ progressive Lower School, where there are no grades and instead the child has to discuss and defend their portfolio of work in front of their parents and teachers. It always starts with a lot of praise for kids’ high energy before getting to That was an interesting choice to not do all that homework. How do you think that helped you?
Trump left the meeting refusing to put any American boots on the ground, so, just giving up his most powerful card. Or any promises to help strengthen the Ukrainian military with weapons, training, or intelligence. But he left the Europeans with assurances that he was going to set up a trilateral meeting, with himself, Putin, and Zelenskyy, real soon, and Marco Rubio will write up some security assurance details.
And then, make a bet on what happened next! Within hours he was back to his shitty website to pull a TACO and say that it should now be a BILATERAL meeting with just Zelenskyy and Putin. And THEN, after THAT happens, then he’ll sit down with the two of them.
“I had a very good meeting with distinguished guests, President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, of Ukraine, President Emmanuel Macron, of France, President Alexander Stubb, of Finland, Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni, of Italy, Prime Minister Keir Starmer, of the United Kingdom, Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany, Friedrich Merz, President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, and Secretary General of NATO, Mark Rutte, in the White House, which ended in a further meeting in the Oval Office. During the meeting we discussed Security Guarantees for Ukraine, which Guarantees would be provided by the various European Countries, with a coordination with the United States of America. Everyone is very happy about the possibility of PEACE for Russia/Ukraine. At the conclusion of the meetings, I called President Putin, and began the arrangements for a meeting, at a location to be determined, between President Putin and President Zelenskyy. After that meeting takes place, we will have a Trilat, which would be the two Presidents, plus myself. Again, this was a very good, early step for a War that has been going on for almost four years. Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, and Special Envoy Steve Witkoff, are coordinating with Russia and Ukraine. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
“Trilat,” he’s so “in the know.” But, Putin has not agreed to that. Still, Hungary’s President and Putin pal Viktor Orban has offered to host the bilateral talks, and he’s the frontrunner, because Hungary has also pulled out of the ICC and Putin might worry about getting arrested for war crimes if they go to Geneva! And Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan also proposed Turkey as a possible venue in July. July! As in a year away! That would sure please Putin! And all talks of any new or secondary US sanctions on Russia have been put on hold, too, so that’s also nice for him.
Meanwhile, since Prump-Tootin’ Alaskan Summit ‘25, Russian strikes on Ukraine have killed 21 and injured 99. Because Putin is not serious about this peace thing, sincerely believes that Ukraine belongs to him, and is not going to stop until he gets it, not if it takes the rest of his life!
So, can of peace, kicked down road some more. But if this date for another talk actually happens, we will be sure to let you know.
[Kyiv Independent / WSJ gift link]
Wonkette runs entirely on contributions by you, our readers. Thank you for being our friend and keeping us living forever! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.
Do you prefer Venmo? Here’s a button you will like.
Russia, if you're listening, please release those Jeffrey Epstein files. Unredacted. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
“Thank you, Donald Trump! You managed to make me look relatively good!”
- Neville Chamberlain