Trump's And Putin's Wet Hot American White Boy Summer!
And a preview of Monday's affairs!
Expectations for a summit last Friday between President Donald J. Trump and wanted war criminal, child kidnapper and murderer of 400,000 innocent Ukrainians, Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, could not have been any lower. Trump had already conceded defeat before the Russians even landed, agreeing to have it in Alaska, without Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy or any representatives from Europe, and without any promise from Russia to ceasefire for even a single day. A ceasefire would come at some second other meeting, date TBD, Trump said. So the point of Friday’s pre-meeting meeting, apparently, the practice meeting, was for the two of them to fawn all over each other in public, remind the world that they’re dating, and rub it in.
FRIDAY!
But did soldiers need to roll out a literal red carpet? On their hands and knees?
For Putin, the Alaska spectacle was the eleventy-hundredth-and-first need more time to negotiate kicking of the can of consequences down the road, this time to keep Congress from following through with the extra sanctions on Russia that Trump himself has been threatening since January. And now Trump has gifted Putin a photo op worth a billion rubles, and Putin apparently fully expects now that Trump will give him some Ukraine, too, as if that’s a thing he can do.
Is Putin going to stop bombing civilians? Did that motherfucker JUST SHRUG?
Let us cringe together at the whole maddening, ridiculous spectacle, with Russian President Vladimir Putin stepping down from his jet like the second coming of Peter the Great, and Trump excitedly clapping his little hands like Putin is a birthday cake. Then Putin came down the rolled-out red carpet like a teen pageant winner.
It’s the happiest Trump has been since he and Jeffrey Epstein were admiring cheerleaders together!
Then Putin stuck up an admonishing finger at Trump, like he’s a dog. Dominance established! Then they walked together surrounded by planes with Trump chattering and gesturing excitedly like a toddler. Trump apparently grew up on Richie Rich comics and thinks showing off his expensive toys is how to endear himself to people.
And then Trump shepherded Putin into THE BEAST! Your tax dollars paying for Putin’s ass tooting herring farts in that thing, and probably taking spy pictures. The gall.
Un-fuckin’-real. Look at them swanning like they’re headed to prom, and Putin taking a ride and grinning in there like some kind of demon. The war criminal who bombs maternity wards and playgrounds is having the time of his life! What did those two say to each other in their private time? We will surely never find out.
After that intimate moment of wonderful backseat secrets, Putin and his two advisers sat down with Trump, secretary of state Marco Rubio (former head of the Senate Intelligence Committee when it found that Russia had interfered in the 2016 election to help Trump, ahem), and Trump’s moron golf partner/envoy Steve Witkoff, for troika-on-troika.
And then, oof, MSNBC reported that Trump’s staff emerged looking “ashen” and “frightened.” There was supposed to be a luncheon in honor of His Excellency, with filet mignon in brandy peppercorn sauce, halibut Olympia, and crème brûlée, and Trump gifting Putin an American bald eagle desk statue to commemorate the occasion, according to a printout that some moron on Trump’s incompetent staff left on a hotel photocopier. But Putin wasn’t interested in lunch, or any eagle tchotchke, it would seem.
Instead, the KGB master and his mark skipped right to a short press conference together, with Putin talking first, as if he were the host, while Trump fidgeted and white-knuckle-gripped the podium. There is no ceasefire agreement, and no talk of new sanctions, and maybe Trump and Russia will even start trading together again! Whatever was said, Putin sure is one persuasive motherfucker.
But look on the bright side, Trump, at least you are still healthy and alive! Other than those cankles.
PUTIN: When I came out of the plane and I said, 'Good afternoon, dear neighbor. Very good to see you in good health and to see you alive.' I think that is very neighborly. I think that's some kind words that we can say to each other.
It’s more than he says to his neighbors in Ukraine, anyway.
For his part, Trump blamed a lack of deal on, what else, RUSSIA HOAX.
We had many, many tough meetings, good meetings. We were interfered with by the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax. It made it a little bit tougher to deal with, but he understood it. I think he's probably seen things like that during the course of his career. He's seen… he's seen it all. But we had to put up with the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax. He knew it was a hoax, and I knew it was a hoax, but what was done was very criminal, but it made it harder for us to deal as a country, in terms of the business, and all of the things that would like to have dealt with, but we'll have a good chance when this is over.
Putin never would have invaded Ukraine if people hadn’t been talking behind his back, or something.
The conclusion:
PUTIN: Next time in Moscow.
TRUMP: Ooh, that's an interesting one. I don't know. I'll get a little heat on that one, but I could see it possibly happening. Thank you very much, Vladimir, and thank you all. Thank you. Thank you.
Then Putin sprinted spryly up the steps of his plane, just to show off how he can.
An abundance of victorious clips for the comrades back home!
Even Fox News was baffled by what a fast and seemingly pointless flop it all was.
On the way to Alaska, Trump had told reporters, “I’m not going to be happy,” and there would be “severe consequences,” if Putin did not agree to a ceasefire. But he was happy after anyway, and immediately got on Sean Hannity and excitedly told him that the “the meeting was a 10.”
He mused about a three-way summit between himself, Zelenskyy and Putin, but said, “I didn’t ask about it.” Then 20 minutes after saying that, he said that they did talk about it, and it was going to happen. “They both want me there. And I will be there.” His brain is like a pierogi left out in the rain.
Reuters reports Trump then called up Zelenskyy and told him to give Russia all of Donetsk, because “Russia is a very big power, and they’re not.” Which Zelenskyy rejected, because if Russia really was such a big power they would’ve already taken it over without Trump’s help.
Trump took to his garbage website all weekend to complain that he knows that everyone even on his own state TV networks is now saying he is a loser, in between ads for turmeric miracle cures and tactical clothing.
“It’s incredible how the Fake News violently distorts the TRUTH when it comes to me. There is NOTHING I can say or do that would lead them to write or report honestly about me. I had a great meeting in Alaska on Biden’s stupid War, a war that should have never happened!!!”
“If I got Russia to give up Moscow as part of the Deal, the Fake News, and their PARTNER, the Radical Left Democrats, would say I made a terrible mistake and a very bad deal. That’s why they are the FAKE NEWS! Also, they should talk about the 6 WARS, etc., I JUST STOPPED!!! MAGA”
(Russia has, of course, not offered to give up one gottdamned thing.)
“The Fake News has been saying for 3 days that I suffered a “major defeat” by allowing President Vladimir Putin of Russia to have a major Summit in the United States. Actually, he would have loved doing the meeting anywhere else but the U.S., and the Fake News knows this. It was a major point of contention! If we had the Summit elsewhere, the Democrat run and controlled media would have said what a terrible thing THAT was. These people are sick! They even want CRIME IN D.C., and other BLUE Cities throughout our Country, but don’t worry, I won’t let that happen. Just like our now secure Southern Border (ZERO illegals in last 3 months!), our cities will be Secure and Safe, and D.C. will lead the way!“
So defensive!
And now a meeting is scheduled today with Trump and Zelenskyy, and then with seven representatives from Europe: French President Emmanuel Macron; Prime Minister Keir Starmer of Britain; President Alexander Stubb of Finland; Chancellor Friedrich Merz of Germany; Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni of Italy; NATO’s secretary general, Mark Rutte; and Ursula von der Leyen, the president of the European Union’s executive arm. It’s an unprecedented, late-breaking all-star all-hands-on-deck intervention lineup, which shows how seriously alarmed they are of the prospect of an uncorked and oozing Putin, who refuses to mind his own business and will never be appeased by only Ukraine.
There will never be consequences from Trump for Putin. Just like we’re never going to see the Epstein files. The “more time” Trump needs is all of eternity, and the rest is farce.
Ahead of today’s meeting, the US troika of negotiators still can’t keep straight what kind of security guarantees they are going to offer Ukraine in exchange for gifting Russia some land that Russia is not even occupying. And none of them is clear on what land is supposed to be getting “swapped.” Heck, Rubio could not even figure out what the point of the Alaska summit was supposed to be in the first place.
If the point was to have Putin and Zelenskyy sit down, there have already been ample opportunities for that. Saudi Arabia in February! Istanbul in May! Any old time Trump demanded, since he claims Putin listens to him so good. Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan even fluffed the cushions and brewed strong coffee for a meeting, after it was Trump’s own idea to sit down. But then Trump changed his mind and decided to go give some AI chips to the UAE that day instead.
But Witkoff told CNN that Putin has already agreed to vague “robust security agreements that I would describe as game-changing,” which is stupid-larious, because Putin has never stuck to any kind of ceasefire agreement and has already broken more than two dozen of them. If Putin was going to stick to any agreements, he never would have invaded in the first place. Putin knows at the end of the day Trump will not do shit to make VLADIMIR STOOOOPPPPPPPP! And sure enough, by the time Trump was gabbing with Hannity he was back to putting responsibility for the war on Ukraine again, a theme he kept on with.
Oh, Obama did that? And Trump cares about NATO now, just exactly how Putin swears this is about NATO? Zelenskyy has no incentive to make any deal with these liars, and there’s no deal to be made. Ukraine already had a security agreement, the Budapest Memorandum, and agreements with Russia and Trump are not worth the toilyetny paper they are printed on.
Oh, and it’s actually not Vladimir Putin’s call whether a sovereign nation next door to him decides to join NATO, given the opportunity. Just ask Finland. And Norway. And Latvia. And Lithuania. And Estonia. And Poland.
And so the war is even further now from being over than it was more than three years ago. Another Trump promise made and broken, another self-made fail from that coward, another yack to the neck to our NATO allies.
But, Kamala Harris had a weird laugh, so.
[Kyiv Independent / CBS / NPR]
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After reading this article, I have to wonder. Is the President of the United States stupid or something?
😅🎯💯
"It’s the happiest Trump has been since he and Jeffrey Epstein were admiring cheerleaders together!"