Trump Tentatively Schedules Apocalypse For Tuesday. Maybe He'll Forget?
Armageddon excited yet?
Madman Trump’s attack on Iran has not yet turned the country of 93 million into a US oil colony. The president has spent the past five weeks since he bombed Iran (again) pushing back his own deadlines seven times, while still being unclear about what Iran is supposed to do: open the Strait of Hormuz to ship traffic bound west and call it the Strait of Trump? Give him the same nuclear deal Barack Hussein Obama had before Trump himself ripped it up in 2018? Install a leader he hand-picks, the full Venezuela?
His apparent strategy to obtain his unclear goal is escalate war crimes in what was already an unprovoked and unpopular attack operation. Meanwhile, Israel now has boots on the ground in Lebanon and is attacking Christian villages there; the Lebanese also claim they are targeting medics.
On Easter, the most holy day in the Christian faith, instead of like, attending church, or tweeting some message about hope or Jesus, Dear Leader went on one, to the nth degree. Seemingly emboldened by the rescue of the pilot of that F-15 that was downed behind enemy lines, he started his day with this expletive-laden genocidal threat:
Crazy bastard says WHAT?
In a parallel universe, Congress immediately convened an emergency session due to the fact Donald Trump is so blatantly completely, utterly out of his gourd that Iran wondered if that post was fake.
But no, it is real, and Trump’s rage has been ramping! After the screed above, he called up Trey Yingst of Fox News and rambled in a similar mien for 15 minutes.
Then he rang up the Wall Street Journal’s Meredith McGraw for eight more minutes to repeat his threats about blowing up bridges and power plants like some kind of Carlos the Jackal. Meanwhile over the weekend his two most extra special envoys, Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner, were working some regional countries’ backchannels, trying to convince them to reopen the Strait. C’mon, guys, quit making it so hard for us to come in and kill you!
Asked if he is concerned that the people of Iran, a country of 93 million people, could suffer if civilian infrastructure is hit, Trump said, “No, they want us to do it,” arguing that Iranian people are “living in hell.”
Trump said the Iranian people are scared to protest in public and risk being killed. “The only reason they’re not on the street is they’ve killed 45,000 people. When they go in the street, they get shot,” Trump said.
Oh, the irony, from the guy whose regime is proud to have shot a protester on the street, and still hasn’t apologized to Alex Pretti’s family, or the families of anyone else ICE has killed. What a cluster.
At some point in his Easter morning, Trump also took time to ramble to Rachel “Most Obnoxious Reporter” Scott of ABC News that he was thinking of “blowing up the whole country.”
The president […] told me he doesn’t think American troops on the ground is necessary as of right now. “I don’t think it’s necessary but I don’t rule anything out.”
When I asked the president about his comments to Fox that there could be a deal tomorrow — he said he didn’t know if there would be, saying “I have no idea with these people.”
“There could be a deal, and there could also not be a deal. I don’t know. I have no idea with these people, they’re getting the shit beat out of them, and that’s, that’s all I can tell you. There’s been no country that’s ever taken a pounding like that.” […]
I asked if the president if he would move back his deadline for Iran. He said “I don’t want to talk about it, they have plenty of time to make a deal. If they don’t want to make a deal — their whole country is gone,” he said.
All that accomplished, Trump went for a slow ride to and around the site of what he hopes will be a future 250-foot-tall Arc de Trump, high enough to block views of monuments from mourners at Arlington National Cemetery. Also during his ride, he dropped by the Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia.
We imagine the drive-around was Susie Wiles’s idea to soothe his pique-fit. Strap him in for a soothing ride to ”Nessun Dorma” and the CATS soundtrack. Sorry that mean judge said you can’t have your ballroom right now, and mean Iran won’t call it the Trump Strait, but you might still get an arch, and it’s going to be sooo big!
Veterans and an architectural historian have sued to block the construction of an arch without authorization from Congress, and DC Judge Tanya Chutkan is in the process of dealing with that. Later on Sunday night Trump posted an AI rendering of it:
Masterfully and patriotically rendered, sir!
But back to the very old baby’s car ride, the vibrations did not work and the his colic was not soothed. He hopped back on his shitty platform to narrow down his threat some more. That or he was trying to voice-activate his limo’s TiVo to record wrestling.
Last week Trump started in with talk of wanting to bomb Iran “back to the Stone Ages where they belong.”
We sure do hope Trump chickens out on all this, because Iran has promised to retaliate. Trump has fired hundreds of the civil servants who helped secure our infrastructure and nuclear facilities, he let Big Balls and company go in and access sensitive data, and seemingly barely literate nepo baby plumber Markwayne Mullin is now in charge of Homeland Security.
But if Iran feels compelled to murder a bunch of Americans so Trump can emergency seize power forever, well, that’s just a price Trump and Pete Hegseth are probably willing to pay! Why, it might even be what Hegseth and his cuckoo white supremacist church and their doomsday-hankering ilk have been praying for. And in the meantime, there are all these war bucks to grift, and he sure hopes this’ll give him an in to declare a fake election emergency and mount a(nother) coup attempt. Whatever it takes to make Jesus come back and punish His unbelievers! If Trump is Putin’s Operation America Go Fuck Yourself, it’s a wild success.
What will Trump do next? From tariffs to end times, chaos is either the strategy or all his addled mind can produce. Or both! Then maybe every tenth threat he’ll make good on, or maybe every 15th!
That’s what you voted for, America, to spin the wheel while Russia, China and defense contractors like Palantir pick your pockets.
[Wall Street Journal gift link / ABC News]
Call me crazy, but I actually don’t think Iranians are gonna “greet us as liberators” after indiscriminate bombing of their schoolgirls and infrastructure.
“No, they want us to do it,” says the serial rapist.