Trump Too Busy Golfing To President, And That's Probably For The Best
They told us if we voted for Harris, Trump would go back to constant golfing, and they were right.
We do not care if Donald Trump plays a lot of golf. Frankly, every minute that he’s waddling down the fairways at Doral is a minute he’s not threatening Ukraine, or giving Vladimir Putin a handy, or telling Americans to suck it up on tariffs because there are many beautiful jobs in the domestic manufacture of tube socks on the other side of all the economic hardship. Every minute that he spends shanking easy chip shots into sand traps is a minute that he is not complaining that trans people exist, or installing unqualified drunk Fox News hairballs in the highest positions in government, or signing executive orders outlawing poor people breathing, or whatever wacked-out idea currently swirls around that dump site of rancid yogurt and roach spray that occupies the space between his ears where most people have a brain.
Truly, man, golf away. Golf until your eyes bleed. Golf until your cheeseburger-infused heart finally seizes up and collapses with one final prolonged fart.
We just ask that Trump’s sycophants in right-wing media do not try to pass off this lazy sack of liposuction waste’s golfing as some sort of grand negotiating strategy that will force foreign governments mad about his tariffs to make a deal with him. It’s anything but that. Trump just loves golf more than he loves just about anything else — overcooked steaks, his own children, you name it.
For example, Mark Kaye, a right-wing podcaster with an unfortunate resemblance to a skeleton decoration from Spirit Halloween, told a couple of blow-dried Newsmax dolls on Monday that Trump is simply adopting the advice he got from Dry Idea deodorant commercials in the ‘80s:
The big thing I saw was they were all complaining that President Donald Trump was casually playing golf over the weekend. Well, when you're in the middle of a negotiation, you don't want people to see you stressed out. You don't want them thinking that you've made a mistake. So Donald Trump goes, here's the deal. It's Liberation Day. You're all getting reciprocal tariffs. I'm going to go hit the links.
Kaye talks about this as if it was a regular golf weekend for the president, just like literally every other weekend of his second term except for one. But it was not, for multiple reasons.
For starters, Trump’s club was hosting a professional tournament of the Saudi-backed LIV golf circuit, a rival to the Professional Golfers Association tour. Trump himself was attending a dinner on Thursday night at Doral with some of the golfers competing this weekend, along with who knows who else. He rushed out of town, skipping an important presidential duty. We’ll come back to that.
In short, this was a big weekend for Trump’s family business and for his own ego gratification. China could be invading, and Trump would have thought the golf tournament more important. Hell, he’d probably send Xi Jinping an invite.
But what it looked like to the rest of the world was that Trump just melted down the world’s economy, then flew off on Air Force One to spend the weekend hobnobbing with Saudi oil money and making himself a pile of cash. While every financial index spent the weekend falling through the basement, Trump was lining his own pockets through the mechanism of that eternal symbol of rich person exclusiveness: golf.
Then there was this. Last week four American soldiers died in a training accident in Lithuania. The Lithuanian people and the nation’s president paid tribute to the soldiers as if they had been their own. Thousands of people, including political leaders, lined the roads as the soldiers’ caskets headed for the Vilnius airport to be flown home. The AP reports that people were in tears as they waved American flags.
Compare that to Trump. It is customary when fallen soldiers return to the States for a president to greet the plane when it arrives, usually at Joint Base Andrews or Dover. It’s not an activity he wanted to perform during his first term because dead people depress him. Any chance he’ll find an excuse to weasel out of it?
Yup! Trump sent Pete (hic) Hegseth so that he wouldn’t have to delay heading down to Florida to, again, hobnob with Saudi oil money. There are no reports of Hegseth downing 19 shots of Jägermeister and pulling off his pants on the runway, so already he has beaten our expectations.
But sure, sentient Spirit Halloween skeleton, the giant toddler with a demonstrated record of lacking impulse control was showing strategery.
Then there was Steve Krakauer, an executive producer of Megyn Kelly’s podcast when he’s not busy making excuses for the most powerful man in the world. Krakauer told Anna Koiman on NewsNation that AKSHUALLY, Trump was thinking several chess moves ahead of his foes when he dumped economy-melting tariffs on the world and immediately flitted off to his club in Florida for a golf tournament:
“I’m not sure they’re bad optics,” he said. “I would say that what’s interesting about this is they are optics for sure. And you think about what could have been good optics, and it’s something that President Trump understands, perhaps, better than anyone is the idea of how optics drives the cycle.”
Interesting! The president is conducting corruption out in the open while showing no respect for fallen American soldiers — again — and Krakauer finds it “interesting.” Not nearly as interesting as pronouns or whatever Megyn Kelly wants to scream about this week, we’re betting.
Krakauer went on to credit Trump for doing “golf diplomacy,” as if Trump wouldn’t have ignored nuclear war for the chance to talk about pitching wedges with Bryson DeChambeau.
On Sunday, when world markets were starting to freak out, Trump tweeted or truthed or whatever a short video of himself teeing off while his sycophants tell him, “Great shot” over and over. Then he bragged about winning the senior club championship to reporters on his plane as he flew back to DC. And he probably still had a higher score than our current 401k balance.
To us, these are poor optics. To Trump, it’s Sunday.
[Media Matters / The Independent / AP]
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