Trump Trial: Nine Contempts Then The Tenth Is Free!

Also, Trump brought up the pee tape at a high school.

Jeff McConney, buffoon

So what did you do last weekend? 

Former president Donald John Trump started his on Friday glaring at pretty white woman Hope Hicks, and making her cry over her ruined career (you can read the recap here). Then he spent his time off dropping by the Grand Prix in Miami, then to Fort Dodge, Iowa, where he talked about how he’s not into golden showers in a high school gym.

‘Russia, Russia, Russia,’ ‘he was with four hookers,’ remember that? Do you think it was good that night, to go up and tell my wife, ‘it’s not true, darling, I love you very much. It’s not true.’ Actually that one she didn’t believe, because she said ‘he’s a germaphobe, he’s not into that, he’s not into golden showers,’ as they say they call them. I don’t like that idea. I thought I was going to have a rough night, but that one she was very good on, she said ‘you’re okay on that one.’

The Steele Dossier actually didn’t say how many hookers, so … curiously oddly specific? Is he thinking about how compromised he is? And who’s going to explain that one to grandma?

Meanwhile, his former affair partner Karen McDougal wants the world to know she prefers baths.

Girl, your knees look fabulous, and that is a great book, a must-read if you want to learn more about AMI chief David Pecker and the Enquirer’s dirty deeds, particularly involving Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and Woody Allen. Especially the audio version, with Ronan Farrow’s velvety voice.

Anyway, Monday was back to the courthouse! Speaking of pee tapes, Russian connection Boris Epshteyn returned, sitting with his college buddy Eric, who missed Friday because he was stuck inside a Plexiglas case of skin lotion at Duane Reade. Also lending to the ambience, Alina Habba, Trump’s two-time loser lawyer who is such a dullard she’s TikTok famous for her difficulties slicing vegetables.

Judge Juan Merchan got off with a bang, finding that Trump was being a contemptuous little shit for the 10th time when he whined that the jury was “95% democrats,” fined him another G, and double-dog warned him, “Mr. Trump, the last thing I want to do is put you in jail, you’re the former president of the United States, and possibly the next president as well.” 

SO MAYBE NOW IS THE TIME FOR SOME CONSEQUENCES?! 

“I am concerned about the ramifications of putting you in jail. But I have a job to do, to compel respect for the dignity of the court. Your behavior constitutes a direct attack on the rule. If I need to, I will.”

FARFEL, IF YOU STEAL THE BACON OFF THE COUNTERTOP FOR THE ELEVENTH TIME I’M PUTTING YOU IN THE CRATE, I SWEAR TO GOD.

First Up This Guy, You Haven’t Heard Of Him

First witness up, Jeff McConney, buffoon and former Trump Org controller who was with the company since 1987, and who said that Trump is paying his lawyer bills. You may remember him from the civil fraud trial, where he was granted immunity, spent four days on the stand, and wept over the company’s legal woes. There sure are a lot of crying people in Trump’s orbit!

The controller in the house means it’s time to get to the “payments” and “34 counts of falsifying business records” part of our story. Relatively boring, but still the meat of the whole criming porkchop that the DA’s frying up here, and Trump knows it. He was wide awake and paying rapt attention, and sounds like for the first time he even kept his eyes open for the entire day.

Like hips, numbers don’t lie, and McConney’s got receipts.

Notes! Bank records! Allen Weisselberg’s handwriting on Michael Cohen’s bank statements! McConney admitting it was a “reimbursement,” not “legal fees” or a “bonus” or whatever the defense is trying to say. We’ve got emails directing the wiring of $35,000 hanky-panky monthly payments, starting in February 2017 from DJT’s personal account, plus $50k added under the category of “Red Finch,” from the time Cohen paid the CIO of Liberty University a shoebox full of cash and an old boxing glove to rig online polls, then was reimbursed and pocketed the difference. (I am not making that up.)

And invoice emails. To get paid, Cohen had to submit an invoice, so he wrote Allen:

To Allen Weisselberg

Dear Allen,

Pursuant to the retainer agreement, kindly remit payment for services rendered for the months of January and February, 2017.

January, 2017: $35,000.00

February, 2017: $35,000.00

And likewise for every month until December.

So was there actually a retainer agreement, Jeff? Didja send send copies of invoices to the legal department for those legal services, like one would? He sure didn’t! These were very special payments indeed.

Not only that, the money was coming out of DJT’s personal trust account, which meant DJT himself had to sign the checks.

Later payments came from the Trump Org, which meant one of his greasy sons had to sign. “Ok to pay as per agreement with Don and Eric,” Weisselberg wrote to McConney. Yep, Eric had to sign off on payments for the lady dad cheated on stepmom with while she was home with his half-brother, which must have made for awkward Thanksgivings once everyone figured it out. Anyway, so much for that “rogue Michael Cohen” theory Blanche and Bove were trying to float.

That reminds me, I need to mail my letter to Allen Weisselberg too.

Dear Allen, how is being in Rikers again? It will be September by the time you get out. How are the baloney sandwiches? Have you trained roaches to smuggle cigarettes yet, and gotten used to watching other dudes poop? Does the Trump family fund your commissary so you can have ramen as a treat? I hear you can make wine in a garbage bag with juice and a crust of bread. I hope The Boss will be joining you soon!

Next It’s This Accounts Payable Lady But That Seems Like A Pretty Easy Job Since Trump Doesn’t Pay Anything

Next on the stand, it’s Deb Tarasoff, the accounts payable supervisor in the Trump Org accounting department, who still works there today. She confirmed that any payments over $10,000 had to go through Trump or his loser sons, and if Trump didn’t want to pay something, he’d write “VOID” on it with a Sharpie. "If he didn’t want to sign it, he didn’t sign it.” Checks were FedExed to Trump at the White House for signing in his distinctive scrawl, and before trial ended for the day, the jury saw payoff checks with Trump’s signature. 

Once sprung, the porn-peener-payer-check signer who’s stalled and delayed every case at every turn took to the courthouse steps to moan that the trial wasn’t going fast enough and the judge hates him. 

“The government just said that they want two to three more weeks, that means they want to keep me off the trail for two to three more weeks. Now, anybody in there would realize, there’s no case, they don’t have a case, every legal scholar says they don’t have a case, this is just a political witch hunt, it’s election interfering, and this is really truly election interference, and it’s a disgrace. And then the other thing that’s maybe even more disgraceful is the gag order, where basically I have to watch every word I tell to you people, you ask me a question, a simple question, I want to answer the question, but I can’t talk about it, because this judge has given me a gag order and said that you’ll go to jail if I violate it. Frankly, our Constitution is more important than jail, it’s not even close. I’ll do that sacrifice any day. But what’s happening here is a disgrace, our appellate courts ought to get involved. Between this judge and Engoron and Kaplan, a triple team of corrupt judges, it’s a disgrace to our nation. This judge is a disaster, with the gag orders and the hatred he’s got for me, God bless the USA.”

“Is Stormy Daniels a liar? Is Michael Cohen a liar?” a reporter shouted after him, in case Monday was the day he wanted to make that constitutional sacrifice, but Trump was outta there, off to Truth Social to post a potato-quality rap video touting himself as the “First Black President.”

You just can’t make this shit up.

Monday night’s Fox News headline: Ex-Trump Org official gives stunning answer on witness stand: DA's witness testifies Trump did not direct him on Cohen repayments. And gasp, how are these secret payments if people knew about them, riddle us that!! Is “conspiracy” even a word??

So, who will take the stand today? Michael Cohen? Stormy? Karen? The suspense is killing us!

Until next time!