Trump Ends War In Ukraine, Gets Nobel Peace Prize
Just kidding, he has failed again and now things are worse.
Donald Trump was going to end the war in Ukraine in 48 hours five months ago, but it has not been so easy! Especially when he is not sure invaded who, and which one is the dictator. Still, he wants you to know, he’s tried everything. He hosted Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to the White House, where he, JD Vance and Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bloated boyfriend yelled at him about his outfit and insufficient gratitude.
Ginger Donya tried tough love, but only for our ally Ukraine, of course, violating the Budapest Memorandum (again) and doing illegal impoundment (again) to temporarily cut off their supply of weapons, and then he tried to extort them for their entire mineral wealth, lovingly, as one does with an ally. Zelenskyy won’t dig up dirt on Hunter Biden? Trump will extort them and take ALL of Ukraine’s dirt! Forever!
And Trump sent his golf buddy Steve Witkoff over to Russia four times without a translator, and while he got a big beautiful painting of Trump getting shot, still no peace!
What Trump has not tried:
Demanding a timeline for a ceasefire
US involvement
More sanctions
Insisting Vladimir Putin sit down with him and Zelenskyy at the same time
or
Putting any kind of pressure on Putin whatsoever, unless you count pretending to be mad.
Last month he did seemed to acknowledge, “there was no reason for Putin to be shooting missiles into civilian areas, cities and towns, over the last few days. It makes me think that maybe he doesn’t want to stop the war, he’s just tapping me along, and has to be dealt with differently, through ‘Banking’ or ‘Secondary Sanctions?’ Too many people are dying!!!”
And squealed, “Vladimir, STOP!”
And so last Thursday, Türkiye fluffed cushions and brewed a bunch of tiny, strong little coffees in hopes that Zelenskyy, Putin and Trump would come meet and make some peace there. Which was Trump’s own idea!
Then right before, Trump decided he had other priorities, like going to give away US’s AI chip technology to the UAE. And then Putin was also a no-show too. RUDE! Zelenskyy still went, though, and met with the Russian delegation, where head “negotiator” Vladimir Medinsky told him, “We fought Sweden for 21 years. How long are you ready to fight?” and snarled, “maybe some of those sitting here at this table will lose more of their loved ones,” then demanded Ukraine surrender, and threatened to do even more annexing. Great talk, productive!
And then yesterday Dear Leader and Other Dear Leader talked on the phone.
All very productive! For Putin! Whatever he heard from Trump sounded like “we surrender,” because as soon as he hung up the phone Russia attacked Ukraine some more with drones, and announced that was beefing up its meat grinder of troops with 20,000 recently naturalized citizens, to go along with the usual monthly recruitment drives of 30,000 to 40,000 people. (Hey, wonder what happened to that Canadian guy who dragged his wife and eight kids to Russia to escape Pride flags, remember them? Is he in the army now?)
Then right after his Putin chat, Trump rang up Zelenskyy and European leaders to let them know that not only was there no ceasefire agreement, or a timeline for one, there was not even a sit-down agreement anymore, and in fact, Trump was no longer willing to sit down with Putin and Zelenskyy at all, anymore. But Putin is going to present everybody a "peace memo" with his terms to consider!
A source noted to Axios that leaders on the call were “shocked” and “surprised” that Trump seemed utterly content with this, and presented it as some kind of a new development, even though progress was negative and Putin had not changed his position in the slightest.
Then Trump told reporters in the Oval Office, it would be great if Zelenskyy and Putin could meet, maybe at the Vatican, it might be helpful, but it’s not really his business any more: "Big egos involved, but I think something's going to happen. And if it doesn't, I just back away and they're going to have to keep going. Again, this was a European situation, it should have remained a European situation.”
“I said, when are we going to end this, Vladimir, when are we going to end this bloodshed, this bloodbath, and I do believe he wants to end this. And I said to him, gotta get goin’! And I did say also, if I thought that you couldn't do it I'd step away because what are you going to, we don't have boots on the ground, we wouldn't have boots on the ground.”
Do or don’t do, there’ll be no boots on the ground. Way to tell him!
Is there a red line for Trump? Oh, you betcha! But it’s in his head, and he won’t tell you what it is. “I have a red line in my head on when I’ll stop pushing on Russia-Ukraine. I won’t say what that red line is.”
But Trump “believes he wants to stop.” Some people smoke cigarettes, some massacre Ukrainians, it’s a vice.
Really, after everything he has seen in three years, he thinks Putin wants to stop? Him, the smartest business negotiator in all the world?
Ginger Donya knows Putin has no intention of stopping until he has all of Ukraine, even though he has lost nearly 100,000 people and gazillions of rubles of equipment and is no closer to winning than he was three years ago. He knows pretending to make an agreement with Putin, like one of the 190 Putin has already made and then broken with Ukraine would only embarrass them both. He’s not going to let Zelenskyy sit there and point out the lying lies to both of their faces, in front of God, the pope and Fox Nation.
So, no Nobel Prize for Trump today.
Same as it ever was!
[Sky News / The Atlantic / RBC Ukraine / Axios ]
Sweden: still exists, is more prosperous than you, is now in NATO. What else you got?
“We fought Sweden for 21 years."
This was the Great Northern War, 1700-1721. Bragging about it now is like saying "I scored 4 touchdowns in one game for Polk High."