Trump's 'I Am Not A Rapist' T-Shirt Has People Asking Questions Already Answered By Shirt

We bet Calvin Coolidge never got questions like this.

Sir, as your lawyers, we advise you to say it like you mean it.

Because we love you, we subjected ourselves to Donald Trump’s entire 60 Minutes interview on Sunday night so that you could spare yourselves. Anyone who wants to subject themselves to the 40-minute extended version that the show posted on its YouTube page is welcome to watch it or read the transcript. We recommend making sure your affairs are in order first.

The interview was hastily thrown together in the wake of the shooting during the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night. One can almost imagine CBS news honcho Bari Weiss, seen here breaking into a Rodgers and Hammerstein medley at Vanity Fair’s WHCD party, texting every senior White House official in her contacts while she was still hiding under CBS’s table in the Washington Hilton ballroom. Let’s do the fucking news, indeed.

Norah O’Donnell got the unlucky assignment of trying to get Trump to answer questions like a human being with feelings and empathy for 40 minutes. It went how these interviews always go with our beignet-brained president: like crap piled atop a mountain of crap. Like a garbage barge caught in a hurricane. Like the hazardous waste disposal dumpster at a liposuction clinic.

The whole WHCD is already a moral vacuum; we don’t really need to know what this hateful sociopath of a president thought about it, do we? And yet.

But there were some funny moments. Early in the interview, O’Donnell walked him through those moments when the gunfire was going off just as Oz Pearlman, the mentalist hired to provide the evening’s what we suppose some would call entertainment, was trying to guess the name of Karoline Leavitt’s unborn child. Here is that moment:

We must hand it to First Lady Melania Trump: we didn’t think she was capable of that level of expressiveness. We assumed Mar-a-Lago Face had frozen her more solid than Captain America after 70 years in a block of ice. Good for her!

As for Trump, we don’t know when he first realized something was going on, but based on the look on his face, it sure wasn’t at the same moment everyone else did. That is the expression of a man irritated because no one at the dinner has yet asked him his golf handicap.

O’Donnell tossed Trump a softball about whether, while everyone around him was hitting the deck and the smell of gunpowder wafted into the ballroom, he worried about people getting hurt:

“I wasn’t worried. I understand life. We live in a crazy world.”

Thank you, Stupid Yoda. Shit, happens it does.

O’Donnell asked Trump if this incident would in any way change his relationship with the press. This was a perfect opportunity for him to give the answer the self-important WHCA would love: something along the lines of We have our disagreements, but at the end of the day we’re all patriotic Americans who love our country, I respect the First Amendment, blah blah blah.

Trump went with this:

“I’m very strong on crime. It seems like the press isn’t. It’s not so much the press, it’s the press plus the Democrats because they’re almost one and the same.”

O’Donnell asked if Trump thought he had any responsibility to tone down the heated rhetoric that leads to political violence. Naturally, Trump denied there was any more hate speech than there was “500 years ago.” Unfortunately, he kept talking before O’Donnell could ask him if he was referring to Rodrigo de Bastidas being stabbed to death by his own men.

“I do think the hate speech of the Democrats much more so is very dangerous.”

More dangerous than Trump calling Democrats traitors and treasonous and demanding the death penalty for his enemies? Which he does a lot.

Can everyone in the press stop wondering if something that can be classified as a near-death experience will change Trump’s attitude about anything yet? He’s almost 80 years old. He got shot in the ear and he’s still the same old jackass. Please stop trying to make his humanity happen, he doesn’t have any.

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Trump Hears Gunshot At White House Correspondents' Dinner, He Can Have Ballroom Now?

Beltway Journos To Wear SUCK IT, TRUMP Pocket Squares To Correspondents' Dinner, Democracy Saved!

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We guess if any reporters had gotten shot, they could have used those First Amendment pocket squares as tourniquets, though. So that meaningless gesture wouldn’t have been a total waste.

All this led up O’Donnell reading parts of the manifesto the alleged gunman emailed his family just before he charged the ballroom. And that’s when everything almost went off the rails:

“I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would because you’re-- you’re he-- you’re horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m -- I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

“Oh you think-- do you think he was referring to you?”

First, we have to give credit to O’Donnell for that exaggerated reaction and that deadpan “Oh, do you think he was referring to you,” as if that was the first time it had occurred to her. A+ trolling, ma’am. Infinite cry-laughing emojis!

Second, he is an adjudicated rapist. Ask the New York state courts or the judge who presided over the E. Jean Carroll trial.

Maybe next year — or in the next few weeks, should Saturday’s dinner get rescheduled — the White House press corps could wear pocket squares printed with one of Trump’s many criminal indictments. It wouldn’t heal the hurt, but it would be a better demonstration of the First Amendment’s power and strength. Also, it would really piss him off.

OPEN THREAD.

[YouTube / YouTube]

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