Like a faltering CW teen drama that suddenly decided to introduce a whole supernatural element in the fourth season, Tucker Carlson appears to have evolved from being but a simple smarmy hatemonger into … oh God, I don’t even know. Pat Robertson, I guess? Roseanne? The guy who stands around State Street in Chicago yelling about how we were all Jezebel whores who are going to burn in hell forever?
Last week, we heard Carlson’s strange tale of how he was mauled by a literal demon while he was innocently sleeping in his very own bed.
And that’s not all Tucker thinks the demons are doing.
During an election-eve convo with a fresh-out-of-prison Steve Bannon, Carlson discussed … well, all this.
Via The Guardian:
“Nuclear weapons are demonic, there’s no upside to them at all, and anyone who claims otherwise is either ignorant or doing the bidding of the forces that created nuclear technology in the first place, which were not human forces, obviously,” Carlson said during a discussion on the perceived “spirituality” involved in the US development of atomic bombs that were dropped on Japan in August 1945, hastening the end of the second world war.
“Let me ask you this,” he continued. “What was the moment we can point to that nuclear technology was invented? I’ve never met a person who can isolate the moment where nuclear technology became known to man. German scientists in the 1930s? Really? Name the date? It’s very clear to me that these [nuclear weapons] are demonic.”
Now, I would certainly be the last to defend nuclear anything. I’m sure we all would be. Generally speaking, it’s usually the Left saying nuclear weapons are bad and the Right saying they’re super great and they would like some more.
But, as terrible as nuclear bombs are, nuclear technology was not invented by literal demons. Even if demons existed, which they obviously do not, that story would not make any narrative sense. Did they have to invent it or did always know it existed but just waited until December of 1938, when they popped into the bodies of Otto Hahn and Fritz Strassmann and did some atomic fission for funsies?
No one can isolate the exact moment “where nuclear technology became known to man” because, like pretty much all other scientific discoveries of that kind, it was a process contributed to by many scientists over many years.
Incredibly, this is not even the wackiest thing Tucker said during his time with Steve Bannon, because he also went on a very wild tangent about how all of the hurricanes we are seeing now are not caused by climate change … but by abortions.
Transcript via Media Matters:
I mean, look. If you're making the case that, you know, sometimes we need to have an abortion, OK. If you're making the case that abortion is an affirmative good, you are evil. You're practicing child sacrifice, And that is exactly what they're doing as every culture before us has. But to see the Treasury Secretary, that dwarf Janet Yellen, get up and say, you know, you can do your part to help the American economy by killing your child, that's no different than the Canaanites, actually. So if people who don't see that clearly, that's exactly what it is. Worshiping abortion, the killing of kids, not as something that, like, needs to happen unfortunately, but as something that is good, that's pro-abortion. You know?
People — and I have to say, and I'm sure I'll be attacked for saying this, but I really believe it. People are like, oh, well, we had another hurricane, must be global warming. No, it's probably abortion, actually. Just being honest. Like, you can't do that. You can't kill children on purpose knowing that you're doing that in exchange for power or freedom or happiness, whatever you think you're getting in return. You can't participate in human sacrifice without consequences. You just can't.
While I am sure there are many (non-supernatural) consequences for human sacrifice, exactly none of them are weather-related. Even if that were true … wouldn’t the hurricanes leave the states where abortion is illegal alone? Quite frankly, that’s a pretty terrible God you’ve got there if he takes out his anger over abortions on states like Florida where abortion is illegal!
Carlson is far from the first to claim that God created hurricanes to punish humanity for one thing or another. Pat Robertson, of course, blamed gay people for 9/11, nuclear war, and hurricanes. Tony Perkins was sure hurricanes were caused by both gay people and abortions … before his own house got flooded in one.
It’s seriously just so weird how God is always sending these hurricanes to punish people who so vehemently oppose the thing he is mad at! No wonder church attendance is down.
The fictional character Sherlock Holmes famously said, “Eliminate the impossible, and what is left, however improbable, must be the truth.” Of course, the creator of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle, famously fell for the Cottingley fairies hoax and believed the Fox sisters were definitely talking to people’s dead relatives when, in fact, they were just cracking their toes. Because that is the kind of bullshit one falls for when they eliminate probable things as “impossible.”
To Tucker, climate change causing hurricanes is “impossible,” it just cannot, cannot be true, he’s bet everything that it is not true — and therefore it has to be something insane like “Abortions are child sacrifices and God is punishing that by sending hurricanes to places where abortion is illegal.” I think that’s how it works.
Stupid beliefs require stupid explanations, and Tucker has clearly demonstrated a talent for coming up with the stupidest of them all.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
<Last week, we heard Carlson’s strange tale of how he was mauled by a literal demon while he was innocently sleeping in his very own bed.>
"He's lying, we wouldn't bother with a tosser like him."
--Crowley
I think I might give real money if all the Republicans would just SHUT UP for ONE DAY