Tucker Carlson Doing Performance Review In Person This Year, Vladimir Hate Zoom
This is news, but is it really?
It doesn’t seem like it should be really big news that Tucker Carlson has gone home to Russia, AKA the mother he never had. Maybe he’ll stay there.
He made the announcement on his little Twitter show, explaining why he was there to interview Vladimir Putin.
TUCKER: Here’s why we’re doing it. First, it’s our job.
Sorry, “job”?
TUCKER: We’re in journalism.
Objection.
TUCKER: Our duty is to inform people.
Or deliver whatever load Putin wants Tucker to bring back to America with him.
Tucker explains in the video above that [Russian propaganda and lies that suggest the war on Ukraine is something other than a war of choice by Putin, a madman, a dictator, and all-around scumbag]. He talks about the war as if it’s just something that happened, as opposed to a decision that was made by one man, the one he traveled across the ocean to braid hair and talk about boys with. He bitches and moans that American media is nice to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, but doesn’t extend the same courtesy to the little bald wannabe Hitler who invaded Zelenskyy’s country. (He refers to Russia as simply “the other country involved in this conflict.”)
“Most Americans have no idea why Putin invaded Ukraine,” says Tucker, who is ever so eager to regurgitate that information (Vladimir’s Version) for you. He says Americans have a right to know about a “war they’re implicated in,” as if America had a role in starting it. That’s a lie from Putin and his modern-day KGB that Tucker has been eagerly telling since the war started.
None of this is breaking news. Tucker Carlson was Putin’s goodest American boy back when he was at Fox News, and there’s no reason to think unemployment would change that. Did Tucker’s firing change the equation for what Putin expects and/or hopes to hear from Tucker? Only they know.
We think the part we laughed at the hardest above is when Tucker said Elon Musk had graciously agreed not to suppress his interview with Vladimir Putin.
As if Elon is not also Putin’s bitch.
SEE?
AND ALSO!
Tucker says other Western governments are going to censor his very important interview with Putin. (We’d suggest at least making it 18+ or whatever the legal age for watching pornography is in a given jurisdiction.) He says everyone is very afraid of this information.
The Kremlin’s official response to all this, as Rolling Stone reports, is to clear its throat about Tucker’s assertion in the video above that “not a single Western journalist has bothered” to interview Putin during his war on Ukraine. No, says Kremlin spox Dmitry Peskov, people try to interview Putin all the time. It’s just that they always say no.
“Mr. Carlson is not correct,” Peskov said in a statement on the interview — which has yet to be released — adding that Russia’s authoritarian ruler has received “numerous requests for interviews with the president, but mostly, as far as countries in the collective West are concerned, these are from major network media: traditional TV channels and large newspapers.”
Wonder why they’re willing to talk to Tucker, but not to others. Hmmm. A mystery.
Oh wait, Peskov said why:
“[Real journalists] don’t even attempt to appear impartial in their coverage. Of course there’s no desire to communicate with this kind of media.”
But Tucker is impartial, or at least he makes sure to lick both sides of Putin’s scrote, fairly.
Nikki McCann Ramirez compiled a thread of all the best Tucker fairness toward Putin, from “Why shouldn’t I root for Russia?” to Putin “does not hate America” like liberals do, and so many more. It’ll go nicely with this box of Wonkette articles about Tucker’s fairness:
WONKETTE BOX!
We wrote most of them personally, but it’s still breathtaking to see it all together like that.
The Russian media is cumming over all of this, obviously, and it’s so glad Elon Musk is also cumming over it. It’s amazing all the Twitter accounts in this screenshot aren’t being operated from the same computer, or at least the same room in St. Petersburg:
If you can’t see that, Glenn Greenwald tweeted, “Who were the American journalists who conducted even minimally adversarial interviews with Zelensky?” (You know, the guy whose country’s women and babies are being raped and murdered on Putin’s orders.)
Elon Musk responded, “To be fair, it’s hard for them to talk while giving a blowjob at the same time.”
RT, the Russian state owned network, quote-tweeted the exchange, adding, “First there was a question — and then there was an answer.”
So that’s cool.
In summary and in conclusion:
That’s Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich, who is still in prison in Russia. Rolling Stone reminds us that Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty journalist Alsu Kurmasheva is also in prison in Russia and also that Russia murders journalists all the fucking time.
In case you were worried Tucker might not be safe in Moscow. He’ll be fine.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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Pooty’s booty must be very clean after that tongue bath.
Sorry, that was gross. But no grosser than whatever Tuckie was trying to do.
We have a great opportunity for a significant geopolitical victory for not just us and our allies but for a more peaceful and free world, and Republicans are trying to fuck it up for no reason other than Trump is Putin's little bitch, and Republicans are Trump's little bitches.
We can support a large and strategically located nation in defending itself from a wholly unjustified invasion from a powerful dictatorship (and long-term geopolitical foe of ours) by supplying them with weaponry and funds that are a small portion of our overall defense budget. This not only supports our arms industry, lets us stress-test our weaponry in real battle conditions, without risking a single U.S. soldier to do it. If successful, we help save a sovereign pro-Western democracy (which, BTW, is also resource rich), embolden our local allies from any future threats, and moreover present a useful object lesson for China in case it gets a little Taiwan-hungry. This is huge, and should be a no-brainer.
It's not like we have to support a dictatorship, or an aggressor nation. It's not like we're putting American troops on the line. This has none of the usual downsides to our previous interventions.
And yet, Republicans, who in the past would have been leading on this, have decided that their fealty to a guy who has a WEIRD relationship with Putin, has to control things. I just hope Biden plans to fund Ukraine no matter what.