Uh Oh, BIG MAGA FIGHT Over Iran, And Tucker Carlson Is ... Correct.
You do not under any circumstance have to hand it to Tucker Carlson.
It should go without saying that you do not under any circumstances have to hand it to Tucker Carlson, just like you don’t have to hand it to Marjorie Taylor Greene.
But Tucker Carlson was appalled by the vile anti-Christian and anti-Muslim things the godless trash pig Donald Trump said on Easter morning, as he was threatening to rain down mass murder and war crimes on the Iranian people, who he foolishly believes will say thank you for the privilege of being raped and massacred by him.
(He’s obviously still going, and escalating. “A whole civilization will die tonight,” he declared on Truth Social just now. “I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will,” he declared, like the supreme leader who controls things. “We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World,” like an absolutely insane person. Every minute every member of his Cabinet is not removing him via the 25th Amendment should be a criminal count against them at the upcoming American Nuremberg trials.)
We think it’s important to talk about this because, of course, it’s fun to watch MAGA eat itself alive as some of them discover that Donald Trump is the insane, stupid fucking dumbass, warmongering dementia clown and conman we always said he was. But it’s also important to watch them eat themselves alive right now. These are the weaknesses to exploit. And as much as we loathe Tucker, always have, as much as we rejoiced when Fox News kicked him off the air, he still matters quite a lot.
So when Tucker is telling the millions of MAGA faithful who still listen to him things like this:
It. Matters. The fraying of MAGA in response to the recreational suicide of the American republic that might just take out the entire world.
Or maybe it won’t be that bad, ha ha. But hey, just this one time, let’s [vomit] hand the mic to Tucker Carlson.
CARLSON: How dare you speak that way on Easter morning to the country? Who do you think you are? You’re tweeting out the f-word on Easter morning.
OK, so clutching of pearls by conservatives with an undeveloped sense of morality aside, the word “fuck” was not the biggest problem with what Trump said on Easter. His full message, you will remember, was “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.”
We said “fuck” on Easter. Your mom said “fuck” on Easter. Jesus Christ himself probably said “fuck” on Easter when that Trump tweet was the first thing He saw upon resurrecting.
“ME FUCKIN’ ME,” said He, shaking His risen head.
But Tucker did accurately explain that Trump’s message amounted to an explicit threat to “commit a war crime, a moral crime, against the people of the country whose welfare, by the way, was one of the reasons we supposedly went into this war in the first place.” No argument there.
And regarding Trump’s mocking of Islam in his message — which seems also to run counter to his alleged desire to “liberate” those extremely Muslim people — Tucker said:
“So obviously you’re mocking the religion of Iran. OK, if you seek a religious war, that’s a good idea. But by the way, no decent person mocks other people’s religions. You may have a problem with the theology — presumably you do if it’s not your religion — and you can explain what that is. But to mock other people’s faith is to mock the idea of faith itself.”
Decency explainer Tucker Carlson explains what is decent.
He continued:
“And we should never mock that. Because at its core is the acknowledgement that we are not in charge of the universe, we did not build it, we won’t be here at the end of it, we can destroy life, we cannot create it because we are not God. The message of all faith at the biggest picture level is the message in our Bible, which is you are not God, and …
And?
“Only if you think you are do you talk this way.”
Welp.
Also this happened:
We’re trying to find something to argue with in that Marjorie Taylor Greene tweet, but again, we are coming up empty, LIKE THE RISEN LORD’S TOMB.
Yes, we should exploit this MAGA civil war that’s breaking all the way out over Iran, even more than when Heritage Foundation was losing all kinds of staffers and support for supporting Tucker Carlson over his interview with white supremacist Nick Fuentes. As we said, under no circumstances does one have to hand it to Tucker Carlson, now or at any time. It’s just that the different sections of MAGA lean into different sorts of evil.
Like how right now, there are evil people like Lindsey Graham writhing around having pruned up prostate orgasms over the possibly coming mass murder of the Iranian population, and that creep Carl Higbie on Newsmax, the one whose face always looks like he would totally be down to do a date rape if he wasn’t always so forgetful about remembering to ask his mom for some money so he can buy roofies — in other words he looks like Pete Hegseth’s brother from another mailman — that guy is responding to Trump’s sick mass murderer Hitler shit by saying things like “[W]ar crimes — get bent, I don’t care,” and “[Y]eah, man, that’s exactly what I voted for.”
Oh, and Jesse Watters is on Fox News living vicariously through Donald Trump’s shriveled up almost-octogenarian testicles, declaring that this is all part of Trump making himself look like a “madman” who will totally get Iran to do an Art Of The Deal. Just you wait, you guys! You’ll see how smart he actually is!
All these men, thinking with their little insecurities and fears instead of with their brains.
Meanwhile voice of reason Alex Jones (LOLLMAOOOOOOLOLLLERSKATES) is just asking “How do we 25th Amendment his ass?”
And there’s Tucker.
And there’s MTG.
But then there are guys like Erick Son Of Goatfuck Erickson, who didn’t like the Easter message from Trump, but at least Trump didn’t do something Christlike like washing a transgender person’s feet on Easter!
So that’s one kind of MAGA guy. (Megyn Kelly is the same kind of MAGA guy.)
Oh yeah, and then you have willfully stupid bitch Republicans like Wisconsin GOP Senator Ron Johnson, who “hopes and prays” that Trump is “just using this as bluster,” with his threats to mass-annihilate the Iranian people. And GOP Rep. Lawler, who accused CNN’s John Berman of “parsing” when he asked if Congress should maybe have a say on whether Trump is going to “make a whole civilization die.”
All these different MAGA reactions! Here is a clip from Sam Seder’s show of MAGA weirdos having trouble processing what Donald Trump is doing, or splitting away, or still sucking Trump’s cock but kind of making a weird face like they don’t like the taste anymore, and more! (See? MAGA is the big tent party. It is the tent in Donald Trump’s skidmarked tighty whities.)
Lose your shit, MAGA. Come apart at the seams. Destroy yourselves before your son of a bitch terrorist adjudicated rapist president destroys the world.
By the way, here is Tucker’s own tweet advertising the full contents of the show from whence the monologue came:
We … are going to watch that maybe?
What in the fuck.
Wonkettes watching episodes of Tucker Carlson while explicitly not handing it to Tucker Carlson.
Strange times.
Hope the world is still here tomorrow.
[Politico]
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> "A whole civilization will die tonight"
It is us. It is the US and A. Our humanity, our civilization, our moral standing, all gone. We don't even have to wait for tonight.
(I keep reposting this, sorry about that, chief)
They need to call this ETHNIC CLEANSING. The President is promising ETHNIC CLEANSING. He's celebrating ETHNIC CLEANSING. And this because he BROKE THE LAW by not releasing HUNDREDS OF PAGES of documents that most likely implicate him and his friends in the RAPE OF CHILDREN. If anyone tries to spin this otherwise, you should spit in their face. We're talking about ETHNIC CLEANSING.