US Attorney Boxwine Ain't Need Federal Grand Juries, She's Got Her Own [Hic!] Grand Juries!
Surprised it took this long for them to start pulling this shit.
Here’s a new one for the saga of grand juries telling Trump administration prosecutors to put their fascist indictments on a hot dog bun and put them in their buttholes:
US Attorney Boxwine née Judge Boxwine AKA Jeanine Pirro, the gushing Franzia spigot who came all the way from Fox News to fail as US attorney in DC, thought she had a creative way to get around all these insolent grand juries who’ve been refusing to just lie down and learn to enjoy fascism, and a judge just smacked her down for it. (And it’s been so many grand juries just in her jurisdiction! US Attorney La Caja de Vino seems to be bad at her job.)
You see, in this case, Pirro was tootling around her office, being bad at stuff, typical Monday or whatever. (Slosh!) But this time, she thought she had an indictment! It came back a “true bill” and everything, the case of Kevontae Stewart, who was arrested after cops say they smelled weed coming out of his car and went fishing for a crime. They say he ran, quickly dropping a gun as he took off. They say they eventually found cocaine on him.
The grand jury told the prosecutors to fuck off on the felony weapons charge last Friday. Don’t know why.
But wait, we thought we just wrote that Boxwine had an indictment and everything!
Yeah well listen to the slimy ass shit she pulled, which is why magistrate Judge Zia M. Faruqui lost his absolute shit at her.
You see, when that grand jury told Boxwine to fuck off on the weapons charge, the normal choices would have been “fuck off” or take it to another grand jury to see if they wanted to indict that ham sandwich. Instead, Boxwine took it OUT OF FEDERAL GRAND JURIES ENTIRELY, went and found a local DC grand jury, which did her dirty work.
Wait what? said Faruqui, who explained in this scathing order:
A federal grand jury refused to return an indictment in this case. This was once unheard of, but has become common as of late.
Because Trump lawyers are bad at everything and very stupid and obvious fascists and cannot even get ham sandwiches to cooperate with that.
Faruqui:
Typically, when a federal grand jury refuses to return an indictment in a case, either the government takes the message as a warning to go no further or, hopefully in only the rarest of cases, presents the indictment again to another federal grand jury.
Shit, the judge is using italics like a common Wonkette, calling these fuckers fools.
To this judge’s knowledge, what has never happened before is doing an end run around the federal grand jury completely. Yet that is what has happened today.
Today, prosecutors again presented a single count federal indictment against the defendant, but this time before a Superior Court grand jury. After receiving a true bill from that local grand jury, prosecutors sought to return the federal indictment in federal court. At a minimum, this is very unseemly; more than likely, it is unlawful. Not to mention, this only deepens the growing mistrust of the actions of prosecutors. That is a sentiment that was once unthinkable, but the irregular is now the regular.
At a minimum, unseemly, more than likely, unlawful. That describes a whole lot in the Trump regime, don’t it.
Prosecutors used to not look for loopholes. They sought justice and respected the decisions of juries, favorable or not.
Yeah but when you’re doing Stupid Hitler Sparkle Motion and federal grand juries won’t do it with you …
The preliminary hearing in this matter is set for October 9, 2025. Multiple federal grand juries sit between now and then. Why not go back before one of those federal grand juries?
It’s probably a bullshit case? Dunno.
Faruqui ordered prosecutors to prove HOW THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS ALLOWED in his courtroom and scheduled a hearing on that for October 9.
US Attorney Boxwine sloshed her glass back in Faruqui’s general direction and tried to issue a retort in a straight line:
“Instead of being an activist judge, Judge Faruqui should spend more time focused on his cases, so that he doesn’t get overruled so often,” she said. “The submission of an indictment to the court is a ministerial act over which Judge Faruqui has no additional powers of judicial review.”
Yeah, we’re sure Boxwine has her finger on the pulse of what is and is not “ministerial act.”
The New York Times says this has indeed been done before according to its legal experts, but in “exigent circumstances,” citing for instance COVID, when it was much harder to get grand juries together regularly. We don’t know that the judge will find “Trying to do Nazi shit and these democracy-loving bitch grand juries won’t let us” will rise to the level of exigent circumstance.
We’re just surprised it’s taken this long for them to start fucking with the grand jury process itself. How long until one of these dipshits is caught tampering with the grand jury process itself, even more than whatever this is? Pencil it in for next Tuesday?
We would remind everyone that grand juries have been telling federal prosecutors to eat bags of dicks in every city Donald Trump has decided to federally invade with his Gestapo. So Memphis, if you get called for jury duty anytime soon! We are just saying, read those indictments carefully, because they’re probably not feeding you real ham sandwich, and if it is, it might be Magda Goebbels’s recipe.
In other awesome Trump legal news, there are theories circulating out there (at the National Review no less!) that Lindsey Halligan may have been improperly appointed in the Eastern District of Virginia, which would totally void James Comey’s indictment, since she was the only one stupid and inexperienced enough to sign that loose leaf slice of poo. And just now, late breaking, a federal judge has disqualified the MAGA idiot woman serving as Nevada’s US attorney, on grounds of “not validly serving as acting US attorney.”
Always remember, our fascists are incredibly fucking stupid, the stupidest ones in human history, and let that strengthen your spirits.
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OT: pour one out for Jane Goodall. Truly a legend.
"activist judge."
But shame on the local grand jury for granting this indictment. That's very fucked.
I guess score one for that lolyer.