US Attorney Boxwine Can’t Convict Her Way Out Of A Paper [SLOSH!] Ham Sandwich

Best people.

Here comes a new funny part of the stories of all these idiot Trump US attorneys trying to indict people on politically motivated charges for made-up crimes!

We’ve been covering how grand juries all over the country have been looking at these cases and saying naaaaaaah on account of reasons of fuck off. All the cases are so stupid, if an ICE agent’s mouth is moving, they’re lying, and just, naaaaaaaah fuck off.

But Fox News idiot Jeanine Pirro in DC, now known as US Attorney Boxwine, she’s been getting creative, trying to find ways to subvert the normal grand jury process, and she’s managed to get an indictment through here and there. (She seems very bad at her job, on any other planet a US attorney who doesn’t get every indictment through would be fired for incompetence. But incompetence is the calling card of MAGA, so!)

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US Attorney Boxwine Ain't Need Federal Grand Juries, She's Got Her Own [Hic!] Grand Juries!

SEVEN TIMES Grand Juries In DC Deny US Attorney Boxwine. SEVEN TIMES.

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One particularly hilarious case was that of Sidney Lori Reid, who allegedly (didn’t) assaulted (nope) an FBI agent named Eugenia Bates (table of SHUT UP, party of YOU).

Boxwine just kept going to grand juries to try to get them to indict Reid. THREE GRAND JURIES told her to fuck off. So she reduced it to a misdemeanor. (Here are the “facts” of the case, according to liars.)

AND YESTERDAY a regular old jury said naaaaaaaah fuck off to even that misdemeanor.

That’s right, a terrible, horrible, no good, very hilarious acquittal! It took them less than two hours.

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As Marcy Wheeler explains, the trial against Reid was a clownshow and a shitshow. The DOJ didn’t want Reid, who was filming ICE thuggery when she allegedly assaulted (didn’t assault) Bates, to be able to introduce all the evidence they had that showed that Reid didn’t do the thing they said Reid did.

Like for instance, Bates referred to her “injuries” as “boo boos,” and didn’t seem to want to charge Reid with assault. Yeah, that would seem to kind of discredit things! But the mean judge would not let DOJ prevent that evidence from coming in.

The prosecutors just. kept. fucking. it. up.

Wheeler notes:

Reid presented evidence that prosecutors had not provided — or even collected — a video she believed would be exculpatory, an issue that Judge Sparkle Sooknanan spent several days last week considering, only to have the government’s story keep getting worse.

While I haven’t reviewed the trial transcript, in her instructions, Judge Sooknanan gave three adverse instructions against the government: Inconsistent testimony from Special Agent Bates; Late disclosure of evidence; Self defense

Also there was the fact that Bates called Reid a “libtard” in text messages the DOJ tried to exclude from evidence, and “downplayed” the incident in those same texts, according to local news station WUSA9.

Just a stupid case from start to finish, and if Boxwine wasn’t so Dunning-Kruger she’d be feeling rightly humiliated right now.

All the reporting we’ve seen suggests that Reid’s lawyers, PUBLIC DEFENDERS named Tezira Abe and Eugene Ohm, were just awesome. Apparently Abe called ICE and the other feds a “goon squad” during closing arguments, and told the judge that “You should be livid that the government brought this case.”

And the after-verdict statements from Reid and the lawyers are just absolutely fire:

That is the appropriate amount of contempt to show Donald Trump and every member of his debased shithole authoritarian administration. Fuck them all.

Fight another day.

[Emptywheel]

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