Vanilla Ice, The Not-Dead Half Of Milli Vanilli To Headline Trump's Freedom 250 Event
Can't blame this on the rain.
To celebrate America’s 250th birthday, the Trump administration has arranged for a 16-day festival on the National Mall, starting on June 25. They are calling it “The Great American State Fair,” on account of how they don’t know what a state fair is, or a state, or how that would be different from an entire nation.
We do not yet know if there will be butter sculptures.
What we do know, however, is that there will be a musical lineup guaranteed to make the organizer of your local ribfest mildly jealous. Or not. Probably not, if we are being entirely honest.
The festival will include performances from such musical luminaries as Vanilla Ice, C+C Music Factory, Martina McBride, Bret Michaels, Commodores (without Lionel Richie), C+C Music Factory (without Martha Wash), Flo Rida, and Milli Vanilli.
Yes. Milli Vanilli. The group that famously got caught lip syncing to other people’s voices. One of whom died of an overdose in (checks notes) 1998. Fab Morvan, the half that didn’t die is, incredibly, still performing and still singing the “hits.”
Here he is performing at The Hague, which feels, I don’t know … appropriate?
I kid! He’s better than he was when they first started trying to sing their own songs. I’ll give him that.
So far, two big names have dropped out. Morris Day and The Time (phew!), whose initial inclusion nearly gave me a heart attack, very swiftly issued a statement saying that they were not, in fact, playing the Fair. Soon after that, Young MC followed suit, saying that his management had booked the show without notifying him of what it was. That seems to have also been the case for C+C Music Factory, whose frontman Freedom Williams also had no idea what he was booked for.
In response, Williams posted an 8-minute diatribe to his Instagram account, explaining how he was confused when everyone he knew started messaging him and asking him why he’d do such a thing.
He clearly stated that he doesn’t “fuck with Trump” and anyone who knows him should know that. He also said he was initially going to pull out as well, but then he got mad about people saying they were going to cancel C+C Music Factory (which, to be fair, I kinda thought already happened when they failed to credit Martha Wash on “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” and decided not to. Things got progressively more strange from then on out.
I think we can fairly assume that Bret Michaels will not be backing out, though this may significantly hurt his chances of starring in any Rock of Love reboots in the near future.
Want to donate to us but not to Substack? Click here or join our Patreon!
Strangely, neither Kid Rock nor Lee Greenwood, the official representative celebs of the Trump administration, were included on the line-up.
It is, honestly, kind of sad that our nation’s 250th birthday will be celebrated with performances from people who aren’t even notable enough for a turn on Dancing With The Stars — but that’s what we get for having elected the most repulsive human being on earth as President.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
In a timeline where we didn't have a shitty asshole "running" the country, you just know that there would be acts fighting over the chance to appear at a prestigious USA 250 anniversary party. Talk about ruining the brand...
The Solid Gold Dancers would be an obvious choice here. Trump is stuck on both the 1980’s and gold.