Vote For The Crook. It's Important. Tabs, May 1, 2026
Happy May Day! Morning news roundup!
HEY HEY it’s MAY DAY! Activists say no school, work, or shopping for a one-day blackout strike! (Except Wonkette.) (Guardian)
UPDATE, I forgot the info for Ziggy’s Movie Night! Join your friends Saturday night at 9 p.m. Eastern for Pitch Black, it is available for free with ads on YouTube; $3.99 in the usual places.
Your comrade Beatrice wants me to let you know, Louisianans, that there IS STILL an election starting Saturday — five terrible constitutional amendments on the ballot, she says, and other items too — so don’t let your governor’s “we’ll just ‘delay’ the primaries for the election that’s already happening” stop you from stopping them!
“Vote for the crook. It’s important.” Y’all are old, you remember that. On Louisiana and this disgusting old bullshit that’s all new again. (Laura Bassett)
Wanna hear a whole bunch of Republicans gloat about the Texas, Louisiana, and Florida gerrymanders and then whine about Virginia in the very next breath? Will Saletan’s gotchu. (The Bulwark)
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Trump pulled the Surgeon General nomination of one asshole, and replaced Dr. Casey Means with a Fox News doctor, Nicole Saphier, who said child mental illness is driven by “non-traditional households.” How about fuck you? (USA Today) Oh, she said much much much much much more than that? Of course she did. (Erin in the Morning)
The House just passed a Farm Bill that will leave children hungrier so Elon Musk won’t have to pay taxes (and Pete Hegseth can do more WARFIGHTING). Background here. (First Focus on Children) I often wonder just how inscrutable Wonkette is to the average person who doesn’t know all our jokes and also what the fuck we’re talking about (I often change “GOP” in our writers’ copy because most people don’t know that means “Republicans”) but holy shit I have no idea what is going on in this piece about Mike Johnson and the Farm Bill and the House and the rules and WHAT? (NOTUS)
I would have to watch at least one episode of a (proposed) Don Junior Apprentice, just to see if there’s going to be any cocaine left for the rest of the planet. (Gift link Wall Street Journal)
My goodness, the Michael Jackson biopic Michael sounds terrrrrible! (Defector)
From the comments, “saving Pablo Escobar’s cocaine hippos” is the first socially useful thing a billionaire has ever done. (CNN)
Huntington Beach, pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS the fuck up for breaking California state law with your bullshit moral panic about books. (Gift link Orange County Register)
Well this is just NICE: California prison mentors changing lives. (Reasons to Be Cheerful)
WONK PARTIES AHOY!
HAWAII (May 14), HAWAII (May 15), MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8), PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), AND SAN FRAN (Nov. 30): TIME TO PARTY!
Do-Do-Do-DOOOO! Announcing The 2026 Wonkette Friends And Family (That’s You, Dummies) Tour For 2026!
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Happy May Day, comrades! Here is your Friday gif info on echindnas: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/rose-goes-snorkeling
And a meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/425a139b-d92a-448e-8ff3-bbe1e09d94db?utm_source=share
Not doom related: Bird rescue edition
So I got to rescue a blue bird yesterday. It happened thusly: One of our peeps stopped by our building and went "there is a bird trapped in your lamp post and I could not reach it!" Dude is a tall dude, so that meant something. I digress.
Anyway, I snagged our step ladder and popped up to see, indeed, an eastern blue bird who knocked down the one (plexiglass) side of our old timey looking lamp post, but the fitted piece tilted inward, trapping the bird behind it. I soon found that the fitted piece did not want to come out either, narrower at the bottom than the top kind of thing, without flipping it around inside which I feared would injure the bird. So I very very very carefully tilted and slid the fitted piece until it created an ally for the bird to escape.
Only he didn't. He kept whapping against all the other sides instead. So I reached in again, gently cupped my fingers around said bird, and removed him from the lamp post, placing him on the top of it for recuperation.
Bird was having none of that shit and took off like a bullet the second my fingers released him.
Moral of the story: never expect gratitude from a blue bird. Pretty sure the fucker shat on my car as it flew off.