Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week's Cocktail, The Dirty Martini!

Go ahead, admit it. You like it dirty.

I promise, it is green. Barely.

Greetings, Wonketeers!  I’m Hooper, your bartender. We’ve done some pretty novel drinks this month. Let’s make something simple and straightforward. And then, because it’s me, let’s make that same drink overly complicated. Time to stir up a Dirty Martini, Hooper style. Here’s the recipe: 

Dirty Martini

3 oz olive-infused Tanqueray gin

¼ oz Stirrings Olive Brine

Chill the gin, brine, and martini glass. Stir together the gin and brine in a cocktail vessel with two ice cubes until cold. Strain into a martini glass with an odd number of olives as a garnish. (Remember, an even number of olives in your martini is bad luck.)

Olive-Infused Tanqueray

Pour the gin and ⅓ cup extra virgin olive oil into a container. Stir the oil and gin until combined. Seal the container tightly and place in the freezer overnight. The next day, break a hole in the congealed oil and strain the gin through a double layer of cheesecloth into a bottle. Keep in a cool dark place until service. 

So, hot take: The “dirty martini” is not a true martini, no more so than a chocolate martini is. I can find recipes for a dirty martini using gin and vermouth, but every time a customer asks me for one, he’s inevitably asking for vodka and olive brine in a glass. Vodka doesn’t belong in a martini. Yes, I am a snob. But as evidence, I will point to the fact that the “dirty martini” didn’t appear on menus until the 1980s, when chocolate martinis, espresso martinis, and all sorts of non-martinis started appearing on menus.

That doesn’t preclude a splash of olive brine into your classic gin and vermouth. FDR was purported to splash a little brine into his martinis, and I’m loath to gainsay such an epic cocktail fan. But for the most part, the standard dirty martini is flavorless vodka and the olive juice of choice — in other words, diluted alcoholic brine. If you’re unlucky, the “olive brine of choice” is a little brine poured off from the garnish tray next to the bar, where maraschino cherries and lemon wedges go to die. Unappealing. 

I decided to make a version of the classic dirty martini with a ton of olive flavor. I had spotted olive-infused gin on a Hanukkah-themed popup bar menu last month (yes, there are Hanukkah-themed bars). I immediately understood how it was made; I was less certain of how to use it. Fat-washing doesn’t sound all that nice, but it builds some impressive flavor bombs (like Maple Bacon Old Fashioneds). Fat is water-insoluble, which means that anything that makes that fat tasty is a suspension, not a solution. Let a fat sit overnight with a good solvent, like alcohol, and the flavors will migrate from the fat to the booze. It’s easy to take the solidified oil off the top of the liquor when everything is cold; just pour carefully and strain thoroughly. 

The end result was a decisively olive-flavored gin. I went with Tanqueray for this project. The juniper-forward notes cut through the olives nicely. If you’re not a gin fan, believe me when I tell you the final product here tastes nothing like Pine-Sol. I skipped the vermouth for this not-exactly martini; it’s hard to find an earthy dry vermouth that cooperates with olive brine, and fat-washing the gin brought more than enough excitement to the glass. 

As I was building this drink, I found myself tempted to pour some pickling spices and salt into the gin and let it sit for a few days. Infusing and fat-washing a liquor is a definite flex, but the notion of cutting the olive brine out of a dirty martini entirely is rather appealing. Good olive brines for cocktails are difficult to find. The only problem with this approach is the end product would be crystal clear. Is a dirty martini “dirty” if it isn’t green and cloudy? It might taste better, but we taste with our eyes. Additional research is needed. 

Let’s talk ingredients: 

Ingredient shot. True confession: After the photo was taken, I dumped the cocktail. I don’t like dirty martinis. But I like money, so I make the best dirty martini you’ve ever had at the bar.

Olive-Infused Tanqueray: Feel free to use Beefeater or another old-school gin for this process. I wouldn’t spend a ton on boutique gin for this trick; the fat wash will overwhelm any subtle flavors in a more complex liquor. I found that letting the gin sit for a few weeks in my liquor cabinet mellowed it considerably. At first tasting, the gin had a very bright olive flavor that didn’t cooperate with the other flavors in the bottle well. After a little time, the olive and gin notes felt a bit more harmonious. However, I also started picking up some bitter notes in the liquor that promised to grow over time. I’d suggest letting the gin sit for a week, but no more than a month. It’s still completely usable straight from the fat-washing process, but some patience will pay off. 

Olive Brine: I strongly suggest a pre-bottled olive brine for a dirty martini, instead of scavenging olive brine from a jar of olives. It’s more sanitary, and you won’t dry out your olives. Finding the right brine is a bit of a process; I tried out three at the country club before finding a good one. At the store, it’s not hard to find Stirrings Olive Brine on the shelf, but it’s quite the salt bomb. I had to dial back the amount of brine in the glass from a full ounce to a ¼ oz. splash to make a palatable dirty martini. I used Filthy olive brine at the country club bar, but it’s hard to find in Ohio without the help of a friendly liquor distributor. Play around and find your favorite, if this style of cocktail is your jam.

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