This weekend, Donald Trump’s little French bulldog/pomeranian mix Todd Blanche, who like so many MAGA officials looks like his mom still buys his underwear for him and combs his hair, was seen yipping and yapping and trying to sound scary, threatening to prosecute the incoming Democratic majority for investigating the Trump regime — for what crimes? That little bitch don’t know — and angrily asserting that HE is the lawyer for Donald Trump and other garbage like Pete Hegseth and Stephen Miller. Because investigating them is illegal, obviously!
The fact that none of his yip-yapping carried any weight or truth was of no consequence. It also wasn’t scary, because every time Todd Blanche talks tough, it’s hard not to imagine him practicing it in front of the mirror for three hours beforehand.
Some people of course reminded poor yip-yap dog Blanche that actually the lawyer for the Trump regime is in the White House Counsel’s office. We guess that was that office’s cue to try to yip-yap its own yip-yap threats at the incoming Democratic congressional majorities, and oh boy, it wasn’t any more impressive when those boys displayed their lipsticks than it was when Todd did it.
The GRRR ARGH letter was penned by White House Counsel Will Scharf (click for very funny picture of old-looking MAGA shitweasel who is, like Stephen Miller, also younger than Abdul El-Sayed) and sent and delivered on Monday to incoming House Oversight Committee Chair Robert Garcia.
It is a very stupid letter, and Capitol Hill is laughing at it, and now so are we.
Law expert Ryan Goodman calls the letter “legally repulsive,” and “ignominious,” and notes that it “ignores [the] Constitution (Speech or Debate Clause),” and “may trigger law against ‘corruptly’ by ‘threatening letter or communication’ obstructing Congress.” He adds that it’s a “self-own” that “will very likely damage the Trump administration in any litigation that Congress pursues in courts.”
But other than that, cool letter, bud!
Seriously, this thing is so stupid and bitchy, and we will paste it in its entirety, courtesy of Punchbowl News, which is why their watermark is all over it:
![Dear Congressman Garcia, November 9, 2026 I write to remind you of the foundational limits that the Constitution imposes on congressional investigations and subpoenas, which you and members of the new Congress have evinced a clear intent to transgress. The Supreme Court has held that "[i]nvestigations conducted solely for the personal aggrandizement of the investigators or to punish those investigated are indefensible." Watkins v. United States, 354 U.S. 178, 187 (1957). Congressional investigations must further a legitimate legislative task; Congress cannot employ them to exercise powers of criminal prosecution assigned to the Executive and the Judiciary. Trump v. Mazars USA, LLP, 591 U.S. 848, 863-64 (2020). These principles require Congress to identify a legitimate legislative purpose underlying its investigative acts. Failure to do so in this context represents a clear abuse of power and an affront to our constitutional system government and to the rule of law. of We are monitoring the abusive and capricious threats that are now proliferating from Democrat legislators who seek to abuse the legislative process to intimidate and to interfere with the lawful functioning of government. Recent public statements underscore these concerns. You and your congressional colleagues have asserted that they will issue subpoenas to harass, threaten, and deter dedicated members of the Administration from further service. Several have compared their subpoena pledges to handing out "candy." "Mardi Gras beads," and enough paper to level forests.'](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!RlmM!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe14b0ee5-fa10-46ba-be61-c3f0dabcd6e3_1322x1574.png "Dear Congressman Garcia, November 9, 2026 I write to remind you of the foundational limits that the Constitution imposes on congressional investigations and subpoenas, which you and members of the new Congress have evinced a clear intent to transgress. The Supreme Court has held that \"[i]nvestigations conducted solely for the personal aggrandizement of the investigators or to punish those investigated are indefensible.\" Watkins v. United States, 354 U.S. 178, 187 (1957). Congressional investigations must further a legitimate legislative task; Congress cannot employ them to exercise powers of criminal prosecution assigned to the Executive and the Judiciary. Trump v. Mazars USA, LLP, 591 U.S. 848, 863-64 (2020). These principles require Congress to identify a legitimate legislative purpose underlying its investigative acts. Failure to do so in this context represents a clear abuse of power and an affront to our constitutional system government and to the rule of law. of We are monitoring the abusive and capricious threats that are now proliferating from Democrat legislators who seek to abuse the legislative process to intimidate and to interfere with the lawful functioning of government. Recent public statements underscore these concerns. You and your congressional colleagues have asserted that they will issue subpoenas to harass, threaten, and deter dedicated members of the Administration from further service. Several have compared their subpoena pledges to handing out \"candy.\" \"Mardi Gras beads,\" and enough paper to level forests.'")
![Representative-Elect Ojeda wants to see Secretary Hegseth "squirm," while Representative-Elect Padilla Stout told witnesses to "put makeup on for the cameras" at their hearings.3 Others have made clear that their motive is to pave the way for witnesses to be prosecuted by state or federal authorities. Representative Ansari recently declared that accountability meant "eventually go[ing] to jail." She also vowed "to prosecute every single person” affiliated with ICE.5 And Senator Markey has sounded approval for “[I]ive televised trials" of the big tech executives that Democrats intend to call before the Senate." 8 Your own statements are rather shocking because they exhibit all of these malicious and improper features. When Speaker Johnson warned that you would "do nothing all day, every day, every hour of the day, but go after the President, his family, his cabinet ..., donors in the party, [and] big figures in business and industry" for the sake of a "dangerous political game[] for their own benefit," you replied: "He's not wrong." When you launched your "LAWYER UP" campaign, you prominently featured an image of a courtroom gavel set to the tune of a song called "The End." You have repeatedly accused the President and administration officials of criminal activity and have openly touted that you are in contact with state attorneys general to "get[] information" using the House Oversight Committee for the purpose of taking administration officials "through](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!yZ1N!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1c75825b-d1b5-4580-9372-9ea8de5b5f58_1388x1228.png "Representative-Elect Ojeda wants to see Secretary Hegseth \"squirm,\" while Representative-Elect Padilla Stout told witnesses to \"put makeup on for the cameras\" at their hearings.3 Others have made clear that their motive is to pave the way for witnesses to be prosecuted by state or federal authorities. Representative Ansari recently declared that accountability meant \"eventually go[ing] to jail.\" She also vowed \"to prosecute every single person” affiliated with ICE.5 And Senator Markey has sounded approval for “[I]ive televised trials\" of the big tech executives that Democrats intend to call before the Senate.\" 8 Your own statements are rather shocking because they exhibit all of these malicious and improper features. When Speaker Johnson warned that you would \"do nothing all day, every day, every hour of the day, but go after the President, his family, his cabinet ..., donors in the party, [and] big figures in business and industry\" for the sake of a \"dangerous political game[] for their own benefit,\" you replied: \"He's not wrong.\" When you launched your \"LAWYER UP\" campaign, you prominently featured an image of a courtroom gavel set to the tune of a song called \"The End.\" You have repeatedly accused the President and administration officials of criminal activity and have openly touted that you are in contact with state attorneys general to \"get[] information\" using the House Oversight Committee for the purpose of taking administration officials \"through")
Isn’t that hilarious? This ugly bald boy who looks like Stephen Miller’s stunt double is trying to tell Congress what it is and isn’t allowed to investigate, as if any Congress has ever had a hard time figuring out a “legitimate legislative task” for whatever the hell it wants to investigate. (Lawmaking against fascist corruption, grift and self-dealing as governing policy, and Republican pedophile protection? Just spitballing!)
“We are monitoring the abusive and capricious threats.” LOL fuck you.
Waaaaaah, you said you’re going to throw subpoenas at us like Mardi Gras beads! (Yep, that was Analilia Mejia of New Jersey.)
Waaaaaah, you want to see Secretary Shitfaced squirm! (Incoming North Carolina Rep. Richard Ojeda)
Waaaaaah, you want to see us all in prison! (Rep. Yassamin Ansari said that. The American people would be fine with them being buried under it, without food or water. Fiscal responsibility and all.)
Waaaaaah, you told us to lawyer up! Garcia did do that.
And then there was Garcia saying that maybe it’s the gay in him, but he has a capacity for being petty, and oh boy, Scharf whined about that too.
Of course, what Garcia actually said there, which the dumb little White House Counsel skin rash is carefully omitting, is that we’re petty enough that we’re not going to forget about the crimes and grift of these Trump officials, even once they have disappeared to grift elsewhere like Kristi Noem. That’s an important part of the clip.
The last graf of the letter begins, “The Trump administration expects members of Congress to …” and we forgot to finish reading that sentence because we were already typing oh shove it up your pisshole, loser.
Judging by Garcia’s official response, he felt similarly:
Wait, excuse us, that was an unrelated Garcia tweet from four days ago.
This is his response:
Almost certainly incoming Speaker Hakeem Jeffries said the letter was “outrageous” and added:
“It’s factually inaccurate. It’s legally inaccurate, and it’s inaccurate in terms of the Constitution.”
“A Democratic Congress is going to be a check and balance on an out-of-control executive branch in the face of unprecedented corruption that they’ve unleashed on the American people. And if they don’t like it, consult the Constitution.”
So that’s how that letter landed.
The Trump regime is clearly going to do its best to ignore and obstruct the new Democratic Congress, and that’s why we enthusiastically recommend this deep dive from Greg Sargent and Brian Beutler about what they can really do about it. It explains how Inherent Contempt works, in a situation where the Department of Justice is just another criminal arm of a lawless, corrupt, fascist regime. They detail why they believe the new Congress should use the power of impeachment “promiscuously.” (For one thing, witnesses are protected in impeachment investigations in ways they aren’t in regular investigations.) And then they have to use the power of the purse to cut off the money entirely.
NBC News reported the other day that even before the midterms happened, the Trump regime was indeed furiously lawyering up, inside and outside the White House, current and former, and in the White House Counsel’s office. You know, in case you’re wondering how scared they are behind little boys Scharf and Blanche and their desperate attempts to make themselves great big like you’re supposed to do if a bear comes in your house.
And then tons of people are reportedly quitting their jobs and/or getting pushed out, both at the White House, and at Todd Blanche’s professional fascist dick-sucking operation. Joyce Vance has a running list of them — on top of Harmeet Dhillon, who we laughed at the other day, there is also Jason A. Reding Quiñones, who was running the clown-ass INVESTIGATE THE INVESTIGATORS probe in South Florida, the one Trump believes will eventually reveal the grand conspiracy against him that ties together the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax and the Boxes Hoax and all the other hoaxes into one Great Big Hoax, led by James Comey’s seashells, Crooked Hillary, and Joe Biden’s Autopen.
Apparently he’s been pushed out, we guess for failing to deliver that result.
Now MS NOW is reporting on what sounds like a large tantrum from Todd Blanche’s DOJ where one of his senior deputies, Aakash Singh, during a call with US attorneys, said they were now on a “WARTIME FOOTING,” and that if people weren’t ready to do WARTIME FOOTING, then they should think about whether they still want to work there.
We’re sure a bunch more will take them up on that opportunity, before this is all over. (Notably, another reason MS NOW cites for the exodus is that a bunch of people aren’t interested in working for a regime where Stephen Miller is the de facto dictator. “People at the department know what they are getting with Miller. He routinely berates people at the department on conference calls,” they quote a former official saying.)
In summary and in conclusion, they are not panicking, WE are panicking, because all these MAGA numbnuts are very scary and good at their jobs, the end.
OPEN THREAD.
[NBC News]
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
Subscribe to me on YouTube!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
Today I interviewed a badass woman veteran for a Nice Times story. This badass is also a lurker. We talked for nearly 2 and 1/2 hours. It was fucking amazing.
And there's a bit of old Wonkette in the one story I focused on.
I laughed and learned so much today; I am loving doing interviews, this was my second one, I plan on doing many more.
$1000 from me to the first person who asks Hegseth what was so hilarious.