Oh FFS, That Idiot Actually Thinks State Secrets He Stole Are 'MY DOCUMENTS'

Lock him up.

Every night now we get a new tranche of reporting about Donald Trump's top-secret document-stealing crime-spree, and new, shocking information about exactly which docs he was keeping in a closet next to the fridge by the pool at Mar-a-Lago next to Junior's box of extra Slim Jims. (Missed yesterday's Wonkette stories on the subject? Here,   here and here! )

As usual, Maggie Haberman has the gossip you want. She writes about how Trump is going this basically alone, albeit with new idiot lawyers, since he can't find any new good lawyers, and in essence serving as his own PR guy and comms director. And all of that is very juicy.

But today we want to focus on the actual documents, what's in them, and who knows about that. According to Haberman, it's "possible" the only person who knows what Trump stole from the White House is Trump.

“Trump appears to be the only person at MAL who knows what was in the boxes, which he went through himself late last year amid efforts by archives to retrieve material. There is no known inventory of what was there among his current aides. https: //t.co/UoYpsawQHS”

— Maggie Haberman (@Maggie Haberman) 1661309900 

 By himself .

We need you to suppress the natural giggles that come when somebody suggests Trump reading a document or sounding out words without the assistance of a Speak & Spell. And stop laughing at the mental image of Trump sitting on the floor at Mar-a-Lago in his underpants with America's most highly guarded state secrets surrounding him, along with takeout menus and sex letters from Kim Jong-un. This is a very serious investigation about very serious crimes possibly committed by a very serious former president of the OK fuck it you can laugh.

 The Washington Post confirms that when the National Archives got its hands on those 15 Mar-a-Lago boxes in January, they were completely full of shit Trump had apparently packed himself , or at least he had "overseen" their packing. Some of it was reportedly not even about his time as president, and he was being very secretive about the whole thing, even with his own people:

It could not be determined who was involved with packing the boxes at Mar-a-Lago or why some White House documents were not sent to the Archives, though people familiar with the episode said Trump oversaw the process himself — and did so with great secrecy, declining to show some items even to top aides. [Former White House Deputy Counsel Patrick] Philbin and another adviser who was contacted by the Archives in April have told others that they had not been involved with the process and were surprised by the discovery of classified records.

According to FBI interviews with Trump people, the Post says, Trump is a "pack rat who had been personally overseeing his collection of White House records since even before leaving Washington and had been reluctant to return anything." So he's very territorial about this, you see.

The Post 's report has much more tick-tock about the timeline of events that led to the FBI having to execute a search warrant on the very ugly McMansion of the very ugly former loser president. The main takeaway is just more confirmation that when Trump and his people insist they were working with the National Archives and the FBI to handle this in a timely manner, being as cooperative as they possibly could, they are lying.

The Post also confirms that whatever secrets we thought Trump stole, it's even worse than we thought:

Some material recovered in the search is considered extraordinarily sensitive, two people familiar with the search said, because it could reveal carefully guarded secrets about U.S. intelligence-gathering methods. One of them said the information is “among the most sensitive secrets we hold.”

This is the stuff Trump was frantically making sure he left the White House with, which he didn't want the FBI to remove. What did he need it for? Oh golly, that sure is the question.

One thing's for certain, though, and it's that Trump is under the mistaken impression that these documents, those he turned over in January and the ones the FBI had to extract from his asshole this month, are HIS DOCUMENTS, as opposed to the property of the US government. Rolling Stone is reporting that ever since the raid, Trump, as delusional, stupid and grandiose as ever, is barking like an idiot at his lawyers to get him back "MY DOCUMENTS."

Trump wasn’t merely referring to the alleged trove of attorney-client material that he insists was scooped up by the feds during the raid, two people familiar with the matter tell Rolling Stone. The ex-president has been demanding that his team find a way to recover “all” of the official documents that Trump has long referred to as “mine” — including the highly sensitive and top secret ones.

In his addled brain, he probably does think American state secrets now belong to him. He always did have a problem thinking that acting in his own interest and acting in America's interest were one and the same. (And if selling nuclear secrets to the Saudis in exchange for covering his massive debts is in his interest ... ALLEGEDLY! We are just wildly speculating.)

 Rolling Stone quotes a Trump adviser who says they "hate to break it to the [former] president, but I do not think he is going to get all [the] top-secret documents back." But apparently the team of idiot lawyers is trying to MacGyver up some real legal-like strategies to get at least some of Trump's MY DOCUMENTS back.

To which Wonkette just says hey, you guys, best wishes! You know, because Trump's lawyers are doing so well in court this week already. Wonkette will have an update on that later this morning!

Stand back, everyone. These are professionals!

[ Washington Post / New York Times / Rolling Stone ]

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