38 Republicans Special. Tabs, Fri., Dec. 20, 2024

That's a terrible headline. I'm tired. Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Everybody, thanks for all your love and money yesterday when I was SO GRR MAD. You are legion, and you are terrible, and you make me smile in my heart. Here’s some news and things to read!

Trump wants to be a dealmaker? Democrats should 100 percent take his deal to abolish the debt ceiling! (And only take deals that fucking benefit us, good lord.) (The American Prospect)

I have no idea how many childhood cancer research programs got cut overnight from the government funding continuing resolution Elon’s been blocking, because it’s 6 p.m. (update now it’s 9:19!) and I’m trying to finish work and LEAVE. But presumably several! But here’s what happens when the government shuts down, you’re welcome. (AP)

Yes of course Elon Musk for House speaker, make every bill a Cybertruck left out in the rain. (Fox News)

Wait a minute, Elon wants to shut the government down right as he’s being investigated by the military for all his canoodling with dictators? That doesn’t make sense! (Business Today)

Here’s the Fucking News on all that happened with the negotiations and Mike Johnson and Trump and Elno like two days ago, we guess, from yesterday, we guess, and again, no idea on what happened yestertonight — the Musk Johnson shutdown bill failed, Hakeem Jeffries tells me? And I don’t know what that means because TRYING to GET OUT OF HERE, but: My there is sure a lot of intrigue in the palace! Also I really like this name, which is *almost* as good as Tiedrich’s “golf club and ex-wife cemetery”: “Robert F. Kennedy the Nice One Memorial Stadium.” (TFN)

Thirty-eight Republicans voted no? LOL :)

RFK the Bad One and his truly extremist views on childhood vaccines. (Second item, The Bulwark)

2024: A year without truth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Jude Doyle at Xtra)

An AMC theater kicked the Rev. William Barber out of a screening of The Color Purple, of all movies — and which he was attending on a date with his 90-year-old mother — because he was using his not really a wheelchair but a special chair for his joint disability, which would have been in the wheelchair section and bothering no one? And they called the police on him? On the Rev. William Barber? Is that what I am reading in this lawsuit? Do I have that right? (Suit)

Fuck Katie Porter’s ex-boyfriend, except don’t. (OC Register)

That horrifying Frenchman with the brave wife is going to prison for pretty much ever. (BBC)

Nobody tell Robyn, she’ll stroke out, but Romanian appeals court DQs Andrew Tate’s sex trafficking trial, saying prosecutors pulled some shit. (AP)

Airplane seat squatters? Sir, no sir! (Fodor’s)

EVAN POPS IN with instructions for how to Make Your Yuletide Extremely, Extremely Gay. Come by and learn and subscribe! [The Moral High Ground]

EVAN BACK OUT!

Aw, late-breaking comment from the mad post way up top, you GUYS :)

Thanks for everything, everybody! If you’re trying to non-substack subscribe, here’s the other bad way that’s also bad too!