A Requiem For Marjorie Taylor Greene As She Leaves Congress For Loonier Pastures

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, fuck off.

Let us all now hold a moment of silence for Marjorie Taylor Greene and her congressional career, which came to an unceremonious end on Monday when her resignation from Congress became official.

It was a short two months ago when we were watching Greene edge away from the rest of her party by taking positions that opposed the reigning orthodoxy. Epstein files? Release ‘em! Enhanced Affordable Care Act tax credits? Extend ‘em! Nancy Pelosi? A great woman! A trailblazer! Gotta love her!

All this raised the question of just what in the hell was going on with Greene. Was she mad because Donald Trump told her not to run for Senate? Had her new relationship with a Right Side Broadcasting reporter, to whom she is now engaged, opened her heart to the contradictions and messes and, above all, the wonder that is humanity? Had she had a near-death experience that imbued her with a new respect for all lives on Earth? Even Lauren Boebert’s?

We suspected a cynical ploy, a way to keep her act fresh. You have to really be crazy to stand out in the GOP, and you have to keep the crazy at a high volume if you don’t want to slip off into history’s mists with barely a Madison Cawthorn-shaped ripple.

Oh, we were wrong. A couple of weeks after we wrote about her strange behavior, Greene announced she was quitting Congress altogether. Her reason? She was burned out. Disillusioned. On the outs with the president. It turns out being in Congress isn’t just a thing to do in between Fox News hits. There is work to be done and people to do it with, and it is really unhelpful if they all want nothing to do with you because you’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

And like a common Sarah Palin, Greene announced wasn’t even waiting for the end of her term. Instead, she would leave on January 5, which, by what we’re sure is an enormous coincidence, is the day her full congressional pension vested.

Well Sheeeit Y'all, House Oversight Committee Got In A Actual Jasmine Crockett-And-AOC-On-Marjorie Taylor Greene Catfight!

Marjorie Taylor Greene Is Sorry About All That

Thus ends an era. Greene came into Congress promising like they all do to shake up Washington and, in the argot of her once-favorite president, drain the DC swamp. She came in promising her voters that QAnon was real and she would get to the bottom of it. She came in posting pictures of herself holding a huge gun next to images of all four members of the Squad in what could only be interpreted as a threat. For a moment, it looked as if Congress might have a brand-new Preston Brooks on its hands.

Everyone in the Squad has outlasted her. They will all go on legislating for at least another year, and longer if they win re-election. Marjorie Taylor Greene will not.

She was such a pain in the ass right from the get-go that the House stripped her of all her committee assignments a month after she was sworn in. Which was just fine with her, as it gave her more time to pursue her real passion of making annoying content to post online.

But Greene has given us such memories, to say nothing of the memes. The Jewish space lasers, which she claimed the Rothschild family was using to burn out forests in California so they could build a high-speed railway. Heckling Joe Biden at a State of the Union speech while wearing a coat that would not have looked out of place on a pimp in Shaft. The “gazpacho police.” The COVID vaccine being the mark of the Beast from Revelations.

Marjorie Taylor Greene Enters Hunter Biden’s Cock Into Congressional Record

And on. And on. And on and on and on. Your Wonkette’s archives are stuffed so full of Marjorie Taylor Greene, we are amazed we ever wrote about anything else. There is simply too much MGT for the thorough reckoning she has earned — the Internet might not have enough space.

Instead, we have written a poem, an ode, if you will, as a final salute to Marjorie Taylor Greene. This is our Iliad. This is our Beowulf. This is our Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout.

Farewell, Marge. Until you get bored and find a way to crawl back into the spotlight.

Marjorie Taylor Greene,

It has been a scream!

From the Jewish space lasers

To the establishment haters,

From the sucking up to Trump,

To the crazy speeches on the stump,

From your love for George Santos,

To hating AOC the most,

From your CrossFit macho,

To your Nazi gazpacho.

From your crazy eyes that look

Like you’re plugged into a socket,

To your fights

With Jasmine Crockett!

From your ambitions to be in the Cabinet,

To having the brain of a basset,

From your love for J-6ers,

To your alleged consumption of liquors,

You thrilled us all right down to our socks,

Hey look! It’s Hunter Biden’s giant cock!

We will miss you, the Notorious MTG,

From your roots,

To your boots,

But now it’s all moot,

You’re riding off into the sunset,

With a wave, and a toot,

As you exit the scene,

Marjorie Taylor Greene!

MTG is gone, but Wonkette is still here thanks to the continued support of our readers.