America’s Dumbest Senator Calls The Cops Because Former CIA Chief Made Fun Of Him
BREAKING: Fuckin' dumbass.
Well, we guess they’re just not making them very tough in Alabama anymore. Wait, Florida. We keep forgetting that Alabama Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville lives in Florida.
The stupidest P.E. major ever to escape from a locker room and start rubbing his jock strap on the US Senate took a quick break this week from his war against the United States military to cry to the Capitol cops that somebody was mean to him on Twitter. Specifically Michael Hayden, the former head of the CIA, was mean to him on Twitter.
Stop laughing, you need to understand exactly how stupid it is before you start laughing at Senator Dumbshit.
Tubs, who is such a trashy, unprofessional bag of dog dicks that he’d like you to call him “Coach,” posted this extremely long-winded statement on Twitter yesterday afternoon:
“This morning my office was made aware of a statement made by General Michael Hayden calling for a politically motivated assassination.”
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The senator from Pork Tickle, Alabama Florida, is under the impression he’s bein’ clever, we thinks.
As Ron Filipkowski explains at MeidasTouch, Twitter user Nathalie Jacoby asked if Tubs should be removed from his committees, we would imagine because of how his little anti-abortion temper tantrum against the military is giving aid and comfort to our enemies. And Hayden said, “How about the human race?”
Was that a nice tweet? Nah. Very mean.
It stands to reason that a guy who used to run the CIA and the NSA might be more contemptuous than most of a pigfuck redneck putting America in harm’s way because his undeveloped windsock brain thinks God’s mad about the Pentagon’s policy on abortion. Especially right now, as one of America’s most important strategic allies has just been hit with a devastating terrorist attack and the US military is on high alert, and many of the positions Tuberville is forcing to remain without confirmed leadership are focused in precisely that area of the world.
Of course, Donald Trump recently literally called for the execution of Mark Milley, the recently retired chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. That’s why we reckon Tuberville thinks he’s bein’ the cleverest boy. It makes more sense when you imagine him giggling while doing armpit farts with one hand and playing a banjo with his other.
Coach Bless-His-Heart’s statement whines like a little crybaby that Hayden should have “known he was committing a serious crime.” He asks for him to be prosecuted, for bein’ mean on Twitter. He puts in bold print that he called the Capitol cops, in case we weren’t scared of his Little Man Syndrome yet. He bellyaches that Democrats haven’t condemned Hayden. He makes his own idiot tail wag, holding up dog biscuits in the mirror while saying magic trigger words like “Russia hoax” and “lied about Hunter Biden’s laptop.”
Isn’t he clever? Didn’t he just get the libs so good, tell you fellas what! Them Democrats gonna think twice next time before they tangle with the nimble, quick-witted brain of Coach Tubs!
By the way, Glenn Greenwald is getting in on the trolling, because he’s sunk so low that he’s swimming in the same intellectual waters as Tuberville.
Unfortunately Hayden isn’t sorry. He responded yesterday on Twitter:
“I was surprised to wake up this morning and discover that many MAGAnuts had lost their minds over my suggestion that ‘Coach’ Tuberville not be considered a member of the human race. I stand by that view. I’m wishing you all a nice day even the intransigent Tommy Tuberville.”
Dang.
We obviously wouldn’t want to say something that might confuse or scare Tuberville, so we’ll just finish by reaffirming that he’s the stupidest, most unqualified hick ever to fail his way into taking a Senate seat from somebody whose life God is proud of.
They’ve got to stop telling guys like Tommy they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. Clearly there are lots of things they cannot do.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
The incongruity of the “fuck your feelings” crowd also being the biggest whiny ass titty babies on the planet has always amused me.
Get this man some juice and a safe space STAT
A Senator who goes by name Tommy
got scared and called for his mommy
He was shook to his feet
by an old man's mean Tweet
and his statement reads like Ramaswamy