Bankruptcy Judge Jumps Out Of Nowhere, Just Starts Whaling On The Onion's Purchase Of Infowars
Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.
This one stupid bankruptcy judge in Texas had to go and piss all over one of 2024’s unadulterated good things Tuesday, cancelling November’s EVERYTHING MUST GO sale of InfoWars to The Onion. The satirical website had purchased the assets and brand names of Alex Jones’s disinformation factory in a deal that was approved by the families of children murdered in 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut — those are the families to whom Jones owes over a BILLION DOLLARS for saying their murdered children never even existed. But US Bankruptcy Judge Christopher Lopez refused to approve the sale, saying that the auction that resulted in the sale was flawed, although he also said there was no wrongdoing, either.
Jones declared bankruptcy in 2022 after being ordered to pay nearly $1.5 billion in damages to the families for defaming them for years, claiming that they were only actors and that their children hadn’t died, leading to years of harassment and threats from sociopaths who believe everything Jones says. Tuesday’s decision by Lopez is only the latest in a long string of legal maneuvers that have allowed Jones to avoid paying any compensation to the families he defamed.
As a result, Jones will for now at least retake control of Infowars until the court-appointed trustee comes up with another way of disposing of the assets to pay damages to the families, presumably for more money, although the judge didn’t offer any particular guidance to the trustee on how that might work to the court’s satisfaction.
Lopez explained that he thought the sealed bidding process wasn’t transparent enough — again, not improper; he just didn’t like it — and said he believed the deal “left a lot of money on the table” that should have gone to the families, although if you want to get all technical about it the families had actually worked with their attorneys on the bid submitted by The Onion.
Lopez ordered Christopher Murray, the trustee appointed to supervised the auction, to come up with a better plan to dispose of Jones’s assets that would raise more money. But Lopez also rejected another auction, leaving the details up to Murray to propose within 30 days. Maybe a duel, or a wacky cross-country adventure race like in that old Jonathan Winters movie.
In the November auction, The Onion submitted one of the only two sealed bids for Infowars, offering $1.75 million in cash, but with a deal sweetener the families agreed to that would allow $750,000 of the amount to go to Jones’s other creditors, which was a lot more than what those other creditors would have gotten from the other bid. That second bid came from “First United American Companies,” a company that the AP explains just happens to sell Jones’s line of all-natural trucker speed and fake boner pills through the ShopAlexJones.com website.
First United Definitely Not Alex Jones Inc., which challenged The Onion’s purchase of Infowars, submitted a higher bid of $3.5 million, but the terms of the auction did not oblige Murray to take the highest bid, but instead the one that was most just for Jones’s debtors. Since the Sandy Hook families agreed to forego some of the proceeds for the sake of the other debtors, Murray was persuaded it was the better deal for all concerned.
The AP explains that The Onion had valued its bid, including the concession from the families to the other creditors, at $7 million, “because that amount was equal to a purchase price that would provide the same amount of money to the other creditors.”
And while it wasn’t explicitly a condition of the auction, The Onion’s bid also ensured the end of the media organ that had tormented the families for over a decade. The bid from United American Totally Not A Front Companies would not have included more than a few scraps for the other debtors. We’re also going to indulge in some outrageous speculation that it’s just possible that if that bid had succeeded, Jones would have somehow ended up running InfoWars again.
Onion owner (and Global Tetrahedron CEO) Ben Collins planned to bring InfoWars back online as a parody of conspiracy theory sites, with an exclusive advertising arrangement benefiting gun control nonprofit Everytown for Gun Safety.
After the sale was canceled by Judge Lopez, Collins issued a statement from The Onion saying, “We are deeply disappointed in today’s decision, but The Onion will continue to seek a resolution that helps the Sandy Hook families receive a positive outcome for the horror they endured.” He added that the Onion will continue trying to find a way to purchase InfoWars as part of its “larger mission to make a better, funnier internet, regardless of the outcome of this case.”
The New York Times reports that an attorney for Jones didn’t respond to a request for comment, but that in a video posted to Twitter, Jones said, “Finally, a judge followed the law,” which is pretty rich coming from a guy who has blown off every part of his obligations to the families he harmed, but probably not the kind of “funny” Collins had in mind.
[AP / NYT / Variety / Headline from this old Onion story]
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It's been clear all along that the families weren't so much concerned about money as they were getting Alex Jones to shut up forever. And the system failed them again.
I have to wonder if Lopez suddenly had some debts paid off.