Cat Memes People. Tabs, Mon., Sept. 16, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Somebody tried to kill Trump again I guess. It’s on the internet if you (yawn) care.

It’s not blood libels and scurrilous bullshit, everybody. It’s cat memes! They did some cat memes, what’s everybody so mad about! NYT:

Mr. Vance defended making the claims in an appearance on CNN’s “State of the Union,” saying that constituents have given the accounts of pet eating and that the news media had ignored immigration until “Donald Trump and I started talking about cat memes.”

“If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do,” he added.

(No link necessary, it’s just that quote.)

That’s a heck of a five-second pause when he realizes he just admitted he lied, on television. (Via Phil Lewis on Bluesky)

Why’s Jared Holt getting his panties in a wad, it’s just cat memes! (MSNBC)

Amanda Moore went to Springfield, Ohio, and saw dudes from Newsmax trying desperately to get local residents to be racist for them. (The Turtle Diaries)

The New York Post is doing Hitler shit. (Jeff Tiedrich)

Sounds like some elected Republicans in Springfield might not be voting for Trump this year. It’s almost like people don’t like it when he sends his goons to kill them. (Politico)

Trump leading Kamala Harris by … four … in Iowa, if this poll is correct. He led by 18 with Biden in the same poll. (And Old Handsome Joe’s best returns were with Fellow Olds, with which Iowa is lousy!) No resting, no laurels, but also LOLLLLLLLL and also HAHAHAHA.

“I wouldn’t say 4 points is comfortable” for Trump, said pollster J. Ann Selzer, president of Selzer & Co. “The race has tightened significantly.”  

(Des Moines Register)

I’m just putting a marker down: Kamala Harris with a national 53 percent of the vote (for a stretch goal I’d make it 55). I’m basing it on this:

"Among voters who said they had heard at least something about Tuesday's debate, 53% said Harris won and 24% said Trump won, with the rest saying neither had or not answering. Some 52% of those familiar with the debate said Trump stumbled and didn't appear sharp, while 21% said that of Harris. Among Republican voters, one in five said Trump didn't appear sharp."

Why? Because everybody who's a) lying that Trump won the debate or b) acting like it's an unknowable ineffable gossamer breeze of a question is going to vote for Trump. And those who can’t lie about it to themselves or others … won’t! Also: Mama loves a longshot! (Reuters)

You need a shirt and some tattoos and coffee cups and whatnot.

Why Trump couldn’t not take the bait. It’s who he is, he’ll never change, and his bubble lies to him. :) (Axios)

Trump believes everything he hears, and Republicans have cowed social media into abandoning moderation in order to privilege every bullshit that comes out of his mouth. (Adam Serwer at The Atlantic)

Rebecca, whom should we be throwing our hard-earned dollars at (besides Wonkette) today? Well Shy and I just tucked some dollars in the G-strings of: Jon Tester even though I’m mad at him for running away from Kamala and the Democratic National Convention, we still need him and he’s in trouble; Sherrod Brown and same but I’m not really mad at Sherrod because he’s not constantly hiding behind Joe Manchin to, like, DQ a goddamn estate tax; Maryland’s Angela Alsobrooks because Fuck Larry Hogan There’s Nothing Moderate About That Dick; and Debbie Mucarsel-Powell in Florida for the stretch goals ;)

Also? Throw your hard-earned dollars at Penzeys, and get delicious flavor in return! Since we last told you to buy their shit, Donald Trump has named them by name with his cat butthole mouth, and for the first time ever since I’ve known him, Bill Penzey sounds worried. Here’s Bill’s latest Facebook post, but do note that most of the SCREAMING deals will be over by the time you read this. This is why you sign up for their newsletter, so you always hear about the SCREAMING deals in time! (NOT AN AD. AN ENDORSEMENT OF OUR FRIENDS THE PENZEYS, FRIENDS OF WONKETTE.)

The state of Florida is warning residents … not to get the newest COVID booster. Jesus Fucking Christ. (Florida Dept of Health)

Oregon accidentally registered some 300 non-citizens to vote (looks like two ever actually tried to). I’m sure nobody will make a big deal out of it. (Oregon Live)

Okay, a good news! (“Good” news.) The Colorado woman who was jailed because her kids didn’t want to do “reunification therapy” with their retired Aurora police officer dad who had also raped and molested his daughters is out, and her kids don’t have to see Dad anymore. The reason why is the “Christian” counselor pushing them apparently had another case where the children got fucking murdered. (Also that the dad currently has charges pending, but I think he did last time too.) The therapist testified that the father was making “incredible” progress with his sons, while one son was simultaneously telling his own therapist he was considering suicide. Gaaaaaah. (Denver Gazette)

Challenge your medical bills! I had a doctor try to charge me $1100 for a pap smear. I called and pitched such a fit you have no idea, anyway it ended up being like $80 and I did not go back to that gynecologist, NOPE. (Nice News)

Apparently we all should watch Rebel Ridge, a potboiler action pic about crooked sheriffs stealing The Wrong Man’s shit through civil asset forfeiture! (The Bulwark)

Shy doesn’t even want to make poke salad even though FREE VEG is volunteering all over our yard? (NB: IS POISON if you don’t boil it right. NB: STILL, FREE VEG!) (Forager Chef)

It’s not even that good of a song either, “Love Me” or GTFO.

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Hey hey, it’s a Big Democrat Halloween Party on Sat., Oct. 26, 2024, let’s say 7 p.m., at our home! If you’re in the area (Detroit) or a drivable distance therefrom, email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com, email headline: “I AM NOT COMING TO KILL YOU,” and I will reply with our address! Donations will be accepted for the Michigan Democrats!

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