Move over, United States Constitution! Step aside, long-established citizenship laws! Charlie Kirk has decided that he is now the law in this country and that he, and he alone, has the right to decide who is and is not a citizen of these here United States.
Spoiler alert: It might not be anyone.
In a rant on his show on Real America News this week, Kirk helpfully explained that naturalized citizens — people who have come here legally and gone through the process to become citizens, and who are now legally citizens of the United States of America — are not actually Americans. Neither, it seems, are their children, especially if those children happen to be people of color, or non-Christians, or liberals, or anyone Charlie Kirk does not happen to personally care for.
He explained (via Media Matters):
“We’re still formulating it, and it’s okay that I don’t and you don’t are not able to word it as crisply as we’d like [no kidding]. Because now this has been forced. By the way, some people say, ‘Well, American is just a race.’ That’s not true at all, actually. Like Thomas Sowell is a great American. Clarence Thomas is an American. So that’s not correct.
“Everyone says, ‘Well, we just need immigrants to come legally. We just need immigrants to come legally.’ That’s not true. Omar Fateh came here legally. Ilhan Omar came here legally. Rashida Tlaib, her parents came here legally. Zohran Mamdani came here legally.”
See! He thinks Thomas Sowell and Clarence Thomas — not one but two whole Black people — are American citizens. So it’s purely a coincidence that he thinks that all of the other people of color are not American citizens.
“Here's another piece of tape. Now, this, you might think — I want you to guess, actually. I'm going to play this piece of tape. Where is this? Is it Mogadishu? Is it Brussels? Is it Berlin? Is it Minneapolis? Let's play guess the state. Guess the state here live on the Charlie Kirk Show. And I'm not allowed to say that this guy's not an American. I'm sorry. He's not an American.
[Shows clip of Ohio state Rep. Ismail Mohamed speaking in not-English]
“That is in, anybody? O-H-I-O. How's that, Danny? Your state's doing great. That is an Ohio victory party for [Ismail] Mohamed. Now when we think of what it means to be an American, is someone by the name of [Ismail] Mohamed? Yeah. I don't think so.”
Of course, it’s not so much that he’s not allowed to say that Ismail Mohamed or any of these people are not Americans — it’s that he doesn’t get to say it and have it be true. Just like, sadly, I cannot say “Charlie Kirk is not an American” and see him deported. I can say he’s a terrible person with a tendency to say things that are extremely racist and not factually true, but I can’t say he’s not an American because I don’t make things up.
Additionally, if Rashida Tlaib is not an American, then absolutely no one other than Native Americans is an American, including Charlie Kirk. Because we are literally a nation of immigrants and the children, grand-children, etc. of immigrants.
This information may come as a surprise, however, to Donald Trump’s wife and children, as well as Elon Musk, Jordan Peterson, and the many other conservatives who are naturalized citizens of the United States or the children of naturalized citizens.
“But there's still something about the allegiance — you need to have the signal markers. You need to have the proof that you are all in. None of this, like, multiple passport stuff. None of this dual citizenship stuff. By the way, how many members of Congress are dual citizens? That’s a good question. That’s an important question.
“And step one is speaking English. If you don’t understand the language, you cannot understand our values. Step one, make English the official language of the United States. President Trump deserves credit for this.”
Oh hey, you know who is a dual citizen? Melania Trump.
The idea that we have any kind of shared values in the United States, or that one must speak English to understand them, is patently absurd. In fact, I would say that Charlie Kirk has no values (or value) at all. He has spite and he has hatred, but those aren’t necessarily things most people would consider “values.”
“The defining issue of the year of our lord 2025 going into 2026, 2027 on the American right is one that we are totally unprepared for, which is ‘What is an American?’ And most people look at me and they say, ‘Well, an American is just someone that has a US passport.’ Zohran Mamdani has a US passport. Omar Fateh has a US passport. Ilhan Omar is a member of Congress. Do you consider that to be a fellow American?”
Weirdly enough, there isn’t actually a “Do Charlie Kirk and his fans personally like and agree with you?” box to check on any kind of citizenship application.
“I’m just asking a very simple question. If you’re not an American, that’s fine. Go back to your place of origin. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to harm you. I’m not going to imprison you. Just go back. Hasta la vista.”
Except for how they are Americans, whether or not Charlie Kirk wants them to be.
“But we have a culture to protect. We have a country to love. No man can serve two masters. Christ our Lord said that. We have a heritage to preserve.”
If he has a country to love, strange that he spends so much time hating the vast majority of it, both personally and geographically. He hates the Left, probably a good portion of the center, and he hates our cities. Sure, there are a lot of white, heterosexual, cisgender, Christian, far-right Mayflower descendants who live in rural areas out there (plus the two Black people he finds personally acceptable), but they certainly are not the majority of the country — and they certainly are not responsible for too much culture (but thank goodness for small favors).
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
Just gonna add that following the video clip, where Ohio state Rep Ismail Mohamed spoke briefly in Arabic (I think), Kirk mispronounced — most likely deliberately — the man's first name as “Islami,” because that’s scarier.
“But we have a culture to protect."
No we fucking don't.