DID MEAN BARACK OBAMA STAY HOME FROM ALAN DERSHOWITZ'S CHUCK E. CHEESE BDAY PARTY BECAUSE GERALDO WAS GOING?
NOT VERY NICE OBAMA THANKS OBAMA!
Somebody call the Martha’s Vineyard library and the Martha’s Vineyard synagogue and the Martha’s Vineyard community center and the Martha’s Vineyard haberdashery and the Martha’s Vineyard naughty movie wangus stroking parlor! Alan Dershowitz is COMPLAINING AGAIN ABOUT HOW NOBODY WILL INVITE HIM TO THINGS.
Look, Alan Dershowitz, as usual, is going through some things. He’s turning 85, we imagine he still ain’t got no panties on, because he’s a nudist, except that time when he went to Jeffrey Epstein’s house and got a massage he didn’t even like from a 50-year-old Russian named Olga, wherein he definitely kept his panties on, your honor, but the point is he hasn’t recovered from the previous things he was going through WHICH PRECEDED THE CURRENT THINGS HE’S GOING THROUGH.
Everybody in Martha’s Vineyard has been mean to him since at least 2018, which is the year when only 37 percent of the island told the local paper they would invite him to dinner. Larry David was mean to him over his constant bizarre defenses of Donald Trump, he thought Larry David was his friend, but LARRY DAVID WAS MEAN TO HIM, AT THE GENERAL STORE, THIS IS VERY UNKIND.
In 2022, the Jewish Democrats of Martha’s Vineyard failed to invite him to their party, IS HE NOT THE MOST FAMOUS MARTHA’S VINEYARD JEWISH DEMOCRAT IN RECORDED HISTORY, THIS IS VERY UNKIND.
One time when his biggest fan was sunbathing on the beach, getting rid of their tanlines while they read one of his hit books, all the guys playing beach volleyball PUNCHED HIS BIGGEST FAN IN THE FACE FOR READING HIS WONDERFUL BOOK, THIS IS VERY UNKIND.
Do you remember how the evil librarian of Martha’s Vineyard has been canceling Alan Dershowitz’s extremely popular lecture series every day for the past hundred years or so, ALAN DERSHOWITZ IS THE MARTHA’S VINEYARD LIBRARY’S HOTTEST CENTERFOLD, THIS IS VERY UNKIND.
On Charlie Kirk’s show on Monday, of this week, of this month, of this year (2023), Alan Dershowitz complained about the evil librarian and the synagogue and the community center and the book show, all of which have canceled his book readings, which he does with panties on, so don’t think this is about the nudism, ALAN DERSHOWITZ’S BALLS ARE DISCREETLY COVERED WHEN HE PERFORMS LITERARY RECITATIONS, TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE IS VERY UNKIND.
Mediaite has the video, in case you want your computer screen to break in half spontaneously from showing both of those sex symbols onscreen at once.
“The library has cancelled me, my synagogue has cancelled me. The community center has cancelled me. The book show on Martha’s Vineyard.”
How dare they! Why, if Martha’s Vineyard attractions keep canceling Alan Dershowitz, he is just going to take his show on the road. Bet that ghoul librarian will feel pretty bad when she hears about Alan’s sold out residency at Red Rocks.
But anyway the point of this post, what Alan really went to Charlie Kirk to bitch and moan about, is a story that DEFINITELY happened, whereupon he invited Barack Obama to his birthday party and Barack Obama was all set to come — mmhmm! yes! you betcha! beep, beep, he’s in the car, just waiting for SLOW MICHELLE! — but then he found out Geraldo was going to be there. So Obama asked Alan Dershowitz (THE Alan Dershowitz) to please disinvite Geraldo from the birthday party, and Alan Dershowitz (GOOD Alan Dershowitz) responded that no, he would not be doing that because Geraldo is his friend (LOYAL Alan Dershowitz).
And Obama didn’t come!
“I’ll be 85 in a month for my 75th birthday. I had like 200 people coming. President (Barack) Obama was invited and he said he would come, but then when he heard that Geraldo Rivera was invited too, basically his office said, ‘Unless you disinvite Geraldo Rivera, I’m not coming,'” he said firmly.
What’s wrong, Obama? Alan and Geraldo were both going to wear panties!
“I’m a loyal guy. And I said to the president of the United States, ‘No, Geraldo Rivera is coming. You can stay away.’ "
LMAO bullfuckingshit.
We are of course willing to believe Barack Obama’s office used that as an excuse to get out of coming to Alan Dershowitz’s birthday party. “Oh no, sorry, the president’s doctor has put him on a strict no-Geraldo plan.” And then Obama stayed home and group texted Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton about #pizzagate.
“And the president of the United States stayed away from my 75th birthday because I invited Geraldo Rivera. I would do that any day of the week. I believe in loyalty, I believe in friendships. I don’t agree with Geraldo on everything. But he’s my friend. So of course I invited him to my 75th birthday and I’m inviting him to my 85th birthday,” Dershowitz said proudly.
OK cool whatever.
Best wishes for that 85th bday, Alan Dershowitz, sounds like a real fuckfest.
[Mediaite]
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>> "my synagogue has cancelled me"
Look, maybe my shul was different, what with being actually left wing and all and I'm not saying "his" synagogue isn't, but it is a synagogue that he felt comfortable joining, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, and anyways maybe my shul was different but there was NO WAY my rabbi would have shut down a Greg Rucka reading. It doesn't happen. If your synagogue decided that it wasn't going to schedule an event surrounding one of its bigger donors and more famous names, it certainly wouldn't do it last minute cancel-style. It would just be politely too busy to put your event on the calendar in the first place because OH MY, LOOK AT THE TIME, and also, too, maybe some obscene criminess or something.
You drifted away from the values of your community, Dersh. It happens. It's no reason to complain. Just go find yourself a media-savvy group of nudist chabadim and I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.
OT: AC IS FIXED!