Did Pete Hegseth See A Girl In The Navy SEALs And It Made His Weenus Shrink?
Doesn't happen to all guys, sorry.
This week, Secretary Shitfaced, we mean Secretary WARFACED, we mean Secretary WARSHITTER, we mean Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth said this:
In that 19-second clip, Hegseth said the Pentagon was moving its weapons production onto a WARTIME FOOTING, that we have to do this for our “WARFIGHTERS,” and that we are “building for victory should our adversaries” — wait for it — “FAFO!”
And we thought, Christ, the lengths that man will go to in order to get something resembling a natural human erection. (Related, it’s going to cost $2 billion to change the name of the Department of Defense to Department of WAR, should Congress even approve such a change, so file that under the cost of Hegseth’s boner pill fund as well.)
And it’s hilarious that he still apparently thinks it’s cool and tough to slowly say “FAFO” to the camera, like that isn’t the part that makes all our allies and adversaries pee their pants laughing.
But hey, we guess it’s necessary. The dementia-fied president who thinks he’s ended eight wars (actual number: zero) and Secretary Shitfaced continue to murder random fishermen in boats in the Caribbean Sea and Pacific Ocean, and we’re supposed to believe they’re highly sophisticated drug runners. (No one believes that.) Meanwhile, an aircraft carrier has been moved near Venezuela, we guess because Trump can’t end his ninth (first) war unless he starts one.
Meanwhile on the home front, you might not have heard, but Secretary Micropenis McWhiskeydick is also embarrassing himself and America in front of the Navy SEALS. What happened? Well, apparently there was a girl there, and she was about to be in charge of the Naval Special Warfare Command that’s in charge of, among other things, recruiting for elite groups like the SEALs. But girls make Pete Hegseth feel very uncomfortable and insecure in his manhood and WARFIGHTER abilities. (Of course, all of that is very silly, as Pete Hegseth isn’t worthy of looking at the Navy SEALS, much less being in charge of them.)
Anyway, skip to end, that woman’s career is now over.
This woman had received a Purple Heart in Iraq. We know how angry it makes Shitfaced when women receive more honors than he does, just because they’re better at their jobs and more qualified than he is.
CNN explains more:
She then became the first woman to serve with SEAL Team Six in the role of troop commander, one of several senior positions within the squadrons that make up the elite naval unit.
A formal ceremony marking her new position was planned for July. Invitations went out two months in advance.
But then two weeks before that ceremony, it was all canceled, and CNN’s sources say it was all very mysterious, not done according to protocol, but rather involved a flurry of phone calls with “the Pentagon.” (Wow, we wonder which office in the Pentagon!)
And yes, the fact that she lost her promotion means she was effectively fired, as CNN notes that the Navy has an “up or out” policy pertaining to such things.
Pretty much everybody in the Naval Special Warfare world agrees, per CNN, that Hegseth had her fired for being a woman. Official explanations deny that, but everyone in the Trump administration should be assumed to be a liar unless remarkable proof emerges otherwise. One reason nobody believes them is that typically they don’t suddenly fire people two weeks before their big promotion ceremony.
“They can justify it by saying she’s not qualified because she’s not a SEAL,” said one retired SEAL. “But the SEALs thought she was qualified.”
Again, so strange that such a low-ranking Army guy whose understanding of the military pretty much tops out at shaving protocols would be allowed to make decisions regarding the SEALs, but loser white men doing things above their paygrade is de rigueur in Donald Trump’s American Shithole.
One of CNN’s sources from Navy special ops says of the ousting, “They want to keep it the brotherhood and don’t like that she’s coming in and challenging the status quo.” The retired SEAL from above also said, “I’m sure they would repeal the whole women in combat thing [if they could], but this is what they can do.”
Oh, but maybe she wasn’t up to the “highest male standards” for fitness that Hegseth likes to jack off babbling about? Maybe she couldn’t do pull-ups like a real man?
For the Navy captain whose command orders were revoked, she met every physical standard, multiple sources familiar with her qualifications said. That included being able to perform 25 lb weighted pull-ups. […]
“She was the best man for the job. There is absolutely no DEI,” the retired SEAL told CNN, adding that the captain spent her spare time competing in IRONMAN races.
Oh.
“She’s a badass, and also extremely smart and capable,” the retired SEAL said.
Yeah, we understand why Hegseth would have felt threatened by this woman, who also would have been in charge of bomb disposal technicians and divers, on top of SEALs.
We totally understand. Now watch Pete do some of his own pull-ups:
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The full CNN article is worth your time, examining Secretary Whiskey Dick’s crusade against women in the military and what that’s actually doing to military readiness and the careers of real people who have earned their stations in ways Pete Hegseth could never have achieved.
One of the woman in question’s former colleagues from SEAL Team Six, who said he voted for and still supports Trump, had this to say about this woman’s career being ended over this:
“It’s f**kin’ bullshit. That’s horse shit,” the former senior enlisted SEAL said.
He voted for and supports Trump, but says he thinks Secretary Hegseth’s personal views are blinding him from retaining obvious talent at the expense of some of the military’s most elite warfighters.
“I think my job is to protect women and children but occasionally there’s badass [women] out there, and we should capitalize and not limit ourselves,” he said.
And one of CNN’s Navy special operations sources for the article summed it up like this, which serves as the article’s kicker:
“It pisses me off because it is clearly someone who is capable and has done extraordinary things and is being punished because of — and I hate that I have to say it this way — weak-ass men,” they said.
Indeed.
Speaking of weak-ass men, how about that Trump Veterans Day Speech!
It’s not getting rave reviews. For one thing, he insulted our allies, whining that other countries shouldn’t be celebrating Victory Days commemorating the ends of World Wars I and II, when America was the one who won them, *whinebitchmoancomplain*. He whined that we don’t have one of those cool Victory Days, because he’s a moron who knows nothing about the history of Veterans Day.
Here’s what WeakBitch McBoneSpurs, who never served one moment in his life, who thinks his (alleged) avoidance of syphilis/chlamydia/whatever in the late 1990s was “my personal Vietnam,” who thinks troops who are injured or die in combat are “suckers” and “losers,” who didn’t want to visit the American World War II cemetery in France in 2018 because he was scared of getting his hair wet, had to say to the veterans yesterday:
Of course, he completely mangled the quote, because he’s an illiterate moron.
Compare and contrast that to President Barack Obama, who doesn’t hate the troops like Trump does, showing up yesterday on a flight full of Korean and Vietnam War veterans flying into DC to personally thank them, like a human being who was worthy of the title of commander-in-chief:
Obama tweeted afterward: “Ahead of Veterans Day, I was honored to welcome a flight of veterans and their families as they arrived in DC. To all those who bravely served our country, thank you to you and your family for your extraordinary service. The sacrifices that all of you have made to protect our country will be honored, today and every day.”
But hey, Trump and Pete Hegseth are trying to change the name of the Department of Defense to DEPARTMENT OF WAR, like complete and total pussies, and Hegseth is spending all his time putting makeshift wooden “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” signs all over the walls at the Pentagon — at least the walls that don’t feature Glamour Shots of himself — so that’s just as cool and honorable as Obama.
Let’s see what the Duffel Blog — it’s like The Onion for the military, they all read it — has to say about the Pentagon’s fearless leader this week:
Yep, that’s about how much respect we have for him too.
OPEN THREAD.
[CNN]
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I am continuing to improve my roller skating skills. Today as I was coming around a turn, I started to fall, arms flailing and managed to grab hold of the edge of the window they have by the snack area and did not go splat as anticipated. Skating behind me was the owner of the rink. As she's going by I hear "God DAMN! that was a good save." Had us both laughing.
Kegsbreath: Hey Lady SEAL have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Lady SEAL: No, have you?