Does A Naked RFK Jr. Make You Want To Buy Scented Candles?
Cheryl Hines gets her grift on.
Given that Cheryl Hines will likely never again get an acting gig in anything other than a Daily Caller-produced Kevin Sorbo vehicle, it’s hardly surprising that she has started considering alternative career paths for herself. You know, like selling candles.
Of course, given that the candle industry is already pretty oversaturated with lines from other semi-celebs on a downward trajectory, Hines is relying on the one thing her competitors don’t have to sell her wares — a naked Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
No, really.
On Black Friday, Hines posted a story to her Instagram announcing a sale while standing in her bathroom in front of a naked, showering RFK, Jr. — her husband — while telling him that he can’t shower while she’s in the bathroom filming herself doing a commercial in front of the shower where he is currently showering.
Oh Bobby!
“Hahaha! You can’t take a shower!” she laughed, as if this wasn’t very obviously planned in advance. “I’m doing a video! No, no, you’ve gotta give me a second, I’m doing a video for Hines + Young. Okay, this is … honey.”
“Sixty percent off!” she shouts before quickly switching over to a picture of the inventory, which features a candle labeled MAHA — referring to her husband’s Make America Healthy Again initiative.
In the meantime, RFK Jr. is just in the background, being naked and looking like he’s washing his hair even though you can’t hear the water or see any suds.
Is she trying to turn this into some kind of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” rip-off, except instead of a neurotic curmudgeon who is usually at least kind of right about most things, she’s married to a kooky anti-vaxxer who is wrong about all of the things? And she’s still the normal wife trying to do normal wife things?
I don’t think it translates! Though on the bright side I do feel somewhat better about having always been kind of annoyed by Cheryl on the show, as I was always concerned that it might be an internalized sexism thing. Now I am certain it wasn’t that, and instead was that I intuitively sensed that she was the worst.
It behooves me to mention that one of the four scents available on the site is “Hyannis Seagrass,” which is supposed to smell like “Ocean air, skinny dipping and sunshine.”
So clearly, this is not the first time that Cheryl has thought to herself, “You know what could really move these candles is the mental image of my naked husband! This is surely something that is very appealing to people who are neither me nor Olivia Nuzzi!”
I do have some questions, though. For instance, are the candles made from spermaceti? Because, let’s be real, who is even considering buying a candle from Robert F. Kennedy’s wife if it is not made from the fat of the whale he beheaded? Does the candle give you the measles? Is it fluoride-free? Does it come with complementary orgone to keep the chemtrails away?
Of course, I’m making fun of this while she’s probably making a killing off of all the anti-vaxx Trump supporters who are just excited to be marketed to in the first place. I mean, we’re talking about people who buy commemorative Trump coins and Trump Bibles. At least a candle has some use beyond pure spite.
OPEN THREAD.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
LOL
https://theonion.com/feds-wistfully-gaze-at-photo-of-hunter-biden-s-penis-on-1850556827
Feds Wistfully Gaze At Photo Of Hunter Biden’s Penis One Last Time Before Closing Investigation
Sign me up for a dozen tapered, scented “Whale Juice.” Gonna be a big hit at my elegant dinner party soirée.