Fascist 'Jokes' About Annexing NATO Ally
And everyone laughed and laughed.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau seems to have drawn the short straw among G7 leaders and was the first to put on a happy face for a meeting with the vengeful Florida Man poised to make everything suck again.
Trudeau, along with his chief of staff Katie Telford and public safety minister Dominic LeBlanc, broke bread at Mar-a-Lago last week in an attempt at a charm offensive with the deeply offensive president-elect, who has vowed one of his first executive orders will be to hit Canada and Mexico with a bonkers 25 percent tariff on all imports because the two countries are handy scapegoats for Fox News viewers to believe are to blame for America’s drug and illegal immigration problems. The self-inflicted wound is estimated to cost $251 billion to America’s annual GDP and the loss of nearly two million domestic jobs. Maybe Elon can find the difference under the sofa cushions.
In a post on the failing Nazi social media platform that isn’t X, Dear Leader elaborated on his concept of a plan to ruin the economies of three North American nations:
This Tariff will remain in effect until such time as Drugs, in particular Fentanyl, and all Illegal Aliens stop this Invasion of our Country!
The surprise visit wasn’t mentioned in the PM’s posted daily itinerary — unlike his presser the same day with the premier of PEI announcing the expansion of a Tim Walzian free school lunch program — and Fox News (no link obv) was the first to report on the surreptitious surf and turf summit meeting where the Canuck contingent politely tried to get it through Donald J. Trump’s thick skull that there are better solutions than mutually assured destruction.
Don Trump responded that his country’s largest trading partner could become America’s 51st state if unable to meet his demands. Essentially: “Canada is a nice little country, it would be a shame if anything were to happen to it.” Nervous laughter reportedly ensued.
I’ve no idea how many theoretical Electoral College votes Canada would be granted, but it’s worth noting the Great White North isn’t exactly a fertile red state in waiting. The country’s two Trump hotels quickly went bust, and (sorry) 64 percent of Canadians hoped to see Kamala Harris in the Oval Office to just 21 percent in favor of the Worst President Ever 2.0. (The other 15 percent of Canadians are obviously dumber than a bag of hockey pucks.) Even 42 percent of supporters of “Canada’s Trump,” Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre, would’ve preferred the veep to the creep.
Trump perhaps thinks his northern counterpart has a Stop Fentanyl Shipments button at his desk like the ones used to summon Diet Cokes or sharks with laser beams attached to their heads. Not unlike the Very Large Faucet able to solve California’s water shortage he imagines is hidden in an undisclosed location somewhere in the Canadian Rockies.
Never mind that the border along the 49th parallel accounted for only 0.08 per cent of all fentanyl seizures this past year, up an alarming 0.006 percent from 2023, according to data from the Deep State US Customs and Border Protection. Or that it makes about as much sense as blaming Terrence and Philip.
Someone at the table pointed out Canadians generally lean lefter than they do at home, to which wise King Solomon declared the country could simply be split into TWO states, and maybe Trudeau could be governor of the cool one. Which would definitely have to include Quebec because most people there hate Trump even more than they do being part of Canada.
As always when this lunatic says something crazy, it was immediately treated as just a lulz. Remember when he suggested the US should do less testing for COVID-19 because it meant finding out how many people were dying from COVID-19, and the usual suspects insisted he was just trying to inject some humor, forcing him to clarify he totally wasn’t kidding? Good times! We now have the term “sanewashing” thanks to him but at this point there should be a subgenre for spinning arglebargle attempts at comedy. Funny-laundering could work. “I’m here all week, try the bleach!”
“The president was telling jokes, the president was teasing us, it was, of course, in no way a serious comment,” said LeBlanc, whose French surname translates as “the white,” which might’ve helped make a good impression on the host. “The fact that there's a warm, cordial relationship between the two leaders and the president is able to joke like that, we think, is a positive thing." he added in an interview with the Ceeb.
That warm and cordial relationship took a twist a few days later when the seditious supervillain inexplicably posted this:
Le sigh. It’s hard to choose which is dumber: posting an AI doodle of a man who struggles with stairs having reached the summit in a business suit or that the mountain he’s facing is clearly Switzerland’s Matterhorn. Rightwingers seem to have peaky blinders on when it comes to the most recognizable member of the Alps given Peewee also recently misused it for the “Common Sense Conservatives” hockey jerseys he’s hawking online.
But at least Trump didn’t try any good ones about him being the bastard son of Fidel Castro again. Or not within earshot. Trump has previously called his once and future frenemy “very weak and dishonest,” and former national security adviser John Bolton wrote in his memoir that his horrible boss only “tolerated” Trudeau, and that personal dislike “made it a lot harder to get things done.”
Which could have something to do with the 6’2” Trudeau’s habit of appearing to be taller than the 6’3” Very Stable Genius in photos of them standing beside each other. It’s possible he also saw the ones of Melon looking at JT thirstily when they first met and it shrunk his little mushroom peen. Or, even more painful, photos of Ivanka doing the same.
The King of the North has taken a lot of heat in the days since for seeming to bend the knee and coming home from Mar-a-Lago with nothing to show for it like a common Morning Joe — unless maybe he found some classified documents still hidden in the can — but I think accepting the invitation was more out of patriotism. Trudeau knows damn well he’s a lame duck whose time in power is coming to an end — as most certainly does Trump — barring some miracle but he ALSO knows how susceptible the demented narcissist is to flattery. A return to normalish bilateral relations could be as simple as sucking it up, laying on the charm, and lying to the dumb motherfucker’s face about what a Very Special Boy he is. I’d like to think that’s why Wayne Gretzky willingly hangs out with That Man too, to take one for the team and rub his belly occasionally while reminding him Canada isn’t a hostile shithole country that poses any kind of personal threat.
“Who’s the Most Powerful Man in the World? You are! Who’s your little buddy? Canada!”
Justin Trudeau is, after all, physically a big strong guy not unlike the ones Trump claims are constantly coming up to him in gratitude for doing such a tremendous job with tears in their eyes. The former high school drama teacher might even be able to summon some up some real ones thinking about the damage about to be done to his country.
[New Republic / Leger / CBP / CBC / Guardian]
Have some pretty colors.
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-80656787?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
One day Silly Sally was playing with matches in the garage and burned it down. Her mother said, "Silly Sally, when your father gets home you are going to be in so much trouble", Silly Sally just laughed and laughed because she knew her father was in the garage.