Donald Trump Jr. Says The Bank Is Tracking Your Bible Purchases For The FBI, Is That True?
Drugs? Who said drugs?
Let’s have a welfare check with Donald Trump Jr., the oldest son of Donald Trump, the one Daddy doesn’t love back. Is he doing OK? Is he doing not OK? Does he have the general demeanor of somebody desperate for Daddy’s never-returned love, or has that somehow changed?
Does he seem high on life, or on drugs?
“Biden’s DOJ treated Catholics like terrorists. If you were a practicing Catholic, you were a domestic terrorist. If you bought a Bible, you were marked by your banks and that information was given to said FBI and DOJ. They think church-going patriots are terrorists.”
Uh oh, Junior’s brain is deteriorating in the same pattern as Father’s. The idiot right-wing conspiracy theory propagated by seditionist trash like Senator Josh Hawley about Joe Biden going after Catholics — LOUD WHISPER: Joe Biden is Catholic — has been defined down in Junior’s confused, easily panicked skull to “If you were a practicing Catholic, you were a domestic terrorist!” Sure thing, Junior. Hugs not drugs, OK?
(George Conway tweeted that the lesson of the above video that kids should take away is “don’t do drugs.” That is a good moral of the story!)
The part about the bank filing Suspicious Activity Reports for anybody who buys a Bible is obviously just true. They’re doing that. They’re going to use it to round up the Christians. Yep they are. This is a good method for tracking Christians, because of how Christians are always wearing out their Bibles, like once a week, and they have to buy new ones. “Broke my Bible again, Paw!” is a thing they are always saying, before they run out to get another Bible. “Does anybody else need a Bible while I’m out? Fucked up my Bible, GAAAAAAAAAH.”
You should also watch it just to hear the way Junior says “BIIIII-BULLLL.” He clearly has inherited his father’s talent for Say Words.
As you can see from the chyron above, this alleged Bible monitoring, in Junior’s addled mind, is part of the Left’s new War On Easter. (The War on Christmas was so fun, after all.)
JoeMyGod reminds us that earlier this week, during another one of his episodes, Junior shrieked that God was so mad at Joe Biden for literally replacing Easter with the Day Of Mandatory Transgender that he sent a thunderstorm to Washington DC to signal his disapproval, right in the middle of the White House’s Easter events.
(God was so mad Joe Biden canceled Easter that He tried to … also cancel Easter? OK, Junior. Good thinkerin’.)
Of course, in the old days, when God was having a piss-baby temper tantrum, He would stomp his feet and cry and whine and destroy all of humanity, it was incredibly dramatic. Guess their God is just a weak and sad loser now, one who only has the power to delay White House events for an hour and a half, and even then the thunderboomer isn’t that boomy.
Then again, when you’re Donald Trump Jr., we reckon you’re probably not used to conceptualizing father figures who actually win.
PREVIOUSLY!
[video via Ron Filipkowski]
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War on Easter?
*mutters ominously*
Just what we need, a two front war.
*puts away red and green fatigues away and pulls out pastel fatigues*
A friend swears by bible pages as rolling paper. It's thin and burns at a nice steady pace. He buys at least one every year. The Two Corinthians taste like strawberries.