If you’re getting in your car this weekend for a big road trip, and you don’t have a Rand McNally road atlas anymore — and you probably don’t unless you are Sean Duffy who cries like a confused fucking loser baby who can’t tell if the car is on or off unless he can turn a key — then it might be time for you to download Mapquest. That is, if you want to get where you are going.
That’s because as far as we know, Mapquest is the only app that definitely has announced its intentions to choose cartography over the caterwauling impetuous bitch ass of Dear Donald Trump, who is under the impression, bless his heart, that he recently renamed Lake Ontario.
Awwwwww, look at grandpa, thinking the human race is not going to erase the fact that he ever existed literally starting the second after his bloated body expires.
Obviously, the lake is still called Lake Ontario, just like the Gulf of Mexico is called the Gulf of Mexico, no matter what petty tyrants who don’t know the difference between their ass and the AI slop their clownish maidservant Natalie swirls around in their bedpans think.
Mapquest explained succinctly on Twitter that it would not be making the change, and immediately Mapquest was a thing again, unlike the United States under Trump, which is increasingly not a thing:
Hundreds of thousands of downloads later, Mapquest is number one in the Canadian app store and also in the US.
Suck it Google, suck it Waze (Google owns it), suck it Apple, suck it MAGA pigs who think they’re owning the libs by calling it “Lake America,” as if Trump’s divine decree lowered the price of groceries or made their kids want to come home for Thanksgiving this year.
The head of Mapquest explained:
“We took the same approach we did with the Gulf of Mexico: be part of the conversation, and give people an app that keeps the names they're familiar with,” said Doug Berger, General Manager of MapQuest said in a statement. “Hundreds of thousands of people signaled to us this weekend that we got it right, by downloading our app.”
You can also play with MapQuest’s lake naming toy, should you want to come up with your own name for Lake Ontario.
So yeah, this is all so stupid.
Google is absolutely full of shit and just kissing Trump’s ass, and this is why you can’t rely on it for correct mapping information. “Google, take me to my grandma’s house.” Uh oh, you’re in Donald Trump’s asshole again! “Google, take me to the Antifa bake sale.” Straight up Trump’s rectum!
Sorry, we’re sure they’ll be labeling that the “Freedom Highway” before long.
In its press release, Google says, “Since we update Google Maps to reflect name changes in official government sources, which is GNIS for the U.S., people using Maps in the U.S. will see ‘Lake America,’ those in Canada will continue to see ‘Lake Ontario,’ and those outside of the U.S. and Canada will see both names.”
And indeed, that’s true, at least as far as how things are labeled. But it’s a lie in that Google fucking lied.
Google was even quicker to switch over to Lake America than the US government. While the GNIS database acknowledges the name change in a summary report, the base map layer still reflects the internationally recognized name of Lake Ontario. A message across the top of the USGS-operated website notes that the change to official maps is still pending.
In Canada, you see the correct name for the lake. In the US, you see Donald Trump’s nighttime diarrhea hallucinations. And in other countries, Google pathetically tries to butter Trump’s balls while also acknowledging reality, listing the body as “Lake Ontario (Lake America)” and specifying that it’s the smallest of the Great Lakes, much like Donald Trump is the smallest of all world leaders in human history.
This is horrifically embarrassing and manages to make Google look stupid in front of the entire world.
Also, pardon our skepticism, but we don’t think if Mexican leader Claudia Sheinbaum renamed the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of Donald Trump has a weird ding-a-ling that looks like a wild Mario Kart character growing out of an out-of-control thatch of matted gray pubic hair" — en español of course — that Google would fall all over itself to obey her wishes. (But we encourage Sheinbaum to test the theory!)
As of now, Apple Maps hasn’t caved, but we’re sure they will. Trump has already called Apple to whine and cry and bitch and moan, per Interior Secretary Doug Lickass Burgum, and they caved on the Gulf of Mexico and use the fake name.
Meanwhile, the inbreds at Marco Rubio’s State Department found a way to both caress Dear Leader’s balls and be cruel to trans people this weekend, “apologizing” for their previous “deadnaming” of the lake:
It was funnier when Canada’s Mark Carney, a real leader, made fun of America’s changing “hydronyms.”
While we are sure it’s a lot of wishful thinking, we agree with those on the internet who have suggested that Canadian authorities should deny passage to any and all American ships that try to traverse the Weiland Canal between Lakes Erie and Ontario under paperwork that says “Lake America.” (It’s the only way to get through, and it’s entirely in Canada.)
Or they could just tell them to try their luck with the Niagara Falls passage, or as Canada will soon rename it, “Trump’s America Waterfalls (On Its Fucking Ass).”
[Yahoo! Tech / Google]
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