Dunkin' Donuts Ad Is Just Far Too 'Sensual' For 'One Million Moms'
SO SENSUAL. SENSUAL DONUTS.
I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve checked in on Monica Cole and the “One Million Moms” that are definitely in the room with her right now as we speak, but this one was just too good to pass up. As many of you may know, I am originally from the Massachusetts/Rhode Island area, and am thus possessed of a certain fondness for Dunkin’ Donuts. Especially since they started carrying coffee milk, the only kind of milk I will drink on its own because I am not a freak like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Kid Rock.
It’s like chocolate milk but coffee flavored and it is magical, thank me later.
Anyway! The One Million Moms are very upset about a Dunkin’ Donuts ad that features Megan Thee Stallion, on account of how it is just too sensual.
Let us watch!
If you are a normal human person, you are probably thinking that this is nothing and pretty much as wholesome as a Dunkin’ Donuts ad featuring Megan Thee Stallion could possibly be.
If you are Monica Cole, however, you are thinking:
One Million Moms has received complaints regarding the new ad campaign from Dunkin’ Donuts. The “Dunk N’ Pump” commercial features Megan Thee Stallion, aka hot-girl coach, Pro-Tina, launching the new Protein Refreshers. Unfortunately, the offensive ad also features a vulgar workout routine full of sexual innuendos with an extremely sensual message.
Megan wears a thong skimpy leotard with flesh-colored leggings in this disgusting ad along with the “backup performers” wearing similar outfits. While sipping on a Dunkin’ Protein Refresher, they perform inappropriate and crude moves and the commercial ends with Megan performing the splits.
This type of advertising is entirely unnecessary. Dunkin’ has deliberately chosen to produce controversial advertisements instead of wholesome ones.
Apparently, Dunkin’ executives do not care how damaging and destructive such ads are to our children. Everyone knows kids repeat what they hear and see. This ad demonstrates weak marketing, and Dunkin’ should have the corporate responsibility not to use an age-old euphemism that offends families.
Let them know that, as a parent and a consumer, you are disgusted by their recent irresponsible marketing choices.
Dunkin’ needs to know that parents disapprove!
Man, they are really, really running out of material if this is the most sensual ad they can find to complain about.
What is it she’s worried about? That “kids repeat what they hear and see?” That they will start wearing thong leotards, which do not even come in children’s sizes?
For the record, as I (by strange coincidence) mentioned Friday, I watched this episode of Saved By The Bell approximately 17,000 times as a child and never once purchased a thong leotard or sported mall bangs.
What battle will they be fighting next? The war on the Jane Fonda Workout?
Honestly, this ad is so innocuous that I am convinced that One Million Moms is just trying to take up newly minted MAGA weirdo Nicki Minaj’s beef with Megan as a bizarre show of solidarity. They’ve been really scraping the bottom of the barrel lately. The last commercial they were upset about was the State Farm Super Bowl ad featuring Danny McBride and Keegan-Michael Key, because it “features the scantily clad girl-group KATSEYE dancing provocatively.” For approximately two seconds.
As if that’s the most annoying State Farm ad anyone’s ever seen.
Sadly for Monica Cole, Elmore City, Oklahoma — the inspiration for the movie Footloose — rescinded its ban on dancing some time in the late ‘90s. However! The town of Purdy, Missouri, reportedly still has one on books, so she can just move there and live a life free of dancing, without having to bother anyone else.
PREVIOUSLY ON WONKETTE!
They're not mad about anything other than it's an ad featuring black women.
So many things to envy about Megan Thee Stallion, but for me it always comes down to her knees.
Goddamn I wish mine could do that.