Elon Musk Hates Headlines, Grrr Argh, Headlines Make Him Angry, Down With Headlines, Booooooo
He's found a new way to ruin Twitter.
Don’t get too excited, but Elon Musk has had another brilliant idea for fixing Twitter, which he renamed X because he has a cat-with-a-laser-pointer dream about turning XwiXXer into the “everything” app that does everything. Zero other non-incidental people in the known universe share this dream.
Check out this announcement from the XwiXXer Twitter news account:
“NEWS: X is changing how news links show up on the timeline.
It will strip out the headline/text so links display only an article’s lead image.”
Elon replied to add, “This is coming from me directly. Will greatly improve the esthetics.”
The “esthetics,” he said. “This is coming from me directly.” Good that he said that. Wouldn’t want anybody accidentally blaming the stupidest fucking idea in world history on Yaccarino.
He’s a megalomaniac who desperately craves attention and approval, and he is very, very sensitive, so we guess it doesn’t matter that, unsurprisingly, advertisers aren’t into it. For whatever reason, he feels the need to do this, and he feels the need to do it now.
Many websites are showing readers what links look like on XwiXXer now, in case they don’t know:
You see how it has the headline, and then a little description below that? (Metadata, it’s called.) Our screenshot is an article in the Daily Beast from yesterday, which itself linked to Ronan Farrow’s huge investigative piece in The New Yorker called “Elon Musk’s Shadow Rule,” which also came out yesterday. We hear the parts about his chitty-chats with Vladimir Putin and and the way he turned satellite comms on and off for Ukraine are terrifying. (Remember Elon’s “peace plan” for Ukraine, which sounds like Putin literally funneled it up his butt?)
But back to dumbfucking old Elon who gets upset when he sees articles and descriptions on Twitter. He wants to get rid of the linkies with the headlines. He just wants pictures. For the “esthetics.” Users will have to manually type any information that describes what’s in the link they’re sharing.
Cool, bro.
The news was broken by Fortune, which reports no details that don’t suggest this isn’t just Elon with burrs stuck up his ass. He thinks it will get help get rid of clickbait. It sounds more to us like journalism itself upsets him, and he wants to get rid of that.
“It’s something Elon wants. They were running it by advertisers, who didn’t like it, but it’s happening,” the source said, adding that Musk thinks articles occupy excessive space on the timeline.
This also seems to be part of his braindead quest to get journalists to just publish their articles directly on XwiXXer, while obviously paying him $8 per month for the privilege of writing great big long articles.
On Monday, Musk wrote in an X post that journalists who want “more freedom to write and a higher income” should “publish directly on this platform!”
And all real journalists replied, “When hell freezes over, you predatory weirdo.”
Anyway, apparently some of the changes are already being rolled out on mobile.
This comes after a weekend where Elon announced he was going to remove the “blocking” feature from the platform. In response, approximately 99.9999999 percent of the platform’s users — including his most butt-sniffing sycophants — were like “yeah no, that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, and if you do that, I will leave.” Community Notes corrected Elon’s announcement, noting that he can’t do that if he wants to remain on the Apple and Google app stores, since such security features are a requirement.
In response, Elon blocked Catturd and wingnut actor James Woods. That’s right, he retaliated against his erstwhile pals who were mad at him for removing blocking by, um, blocking them.
This also follows on reports that Elon has been stifling traffic to websites that upset him. Now he’s really gonna stifle it!
So yeah. That’s what’s going on over there with Elon and the XwiXXer website he set $44 billion on fire to own.
Time to go read that Ronan Farrow article and tweet important facts from it with funny pictures, we guess. Like this one:
Perhaps the most revealing moment in the PayPal saga happened at its outset. In March, 2000, as the merger was under way, Musk was driving his new McLaren, with Thiel in the passenger seat. The two were on Sand Hill Road, an artery that cuts through Silicon Valley. Thiel asked Musk, “So what can this do?” Musk replied, “Watch this,” then floored the gas pedal, hit an embankment, and sent the car airborne and spinning before it slammed back onto the pavement, blowing out its suspension and its windows. “This isn’t insured,” Musk told Thiel. Musk’s critics have used the story to illustrate his reckless showboating, but it also underscores how often Musk has been rewarded for that behavior: he repaired the McLaren, drove it for several more years, then reportedly sold it at a profit. Musk delights in telling the story, lingering on the risk to his life. In one interview, asked whether there were parallels with his approach to building companies, Musk said, “I hope not.” Appearing to consider the idea, he added, “Watch this. Yeah, that could be awkward with a rocket launch.”
Sure thing, man.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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Dear Elmo,
What the fuck are esthetics? Grandma Esther's new prosthetic leg since she lost her actual leg when she couldn't afford her insulin?
It's aesthetics. Asshole.
I've just begun reading Farrow's New Yorker piece and I'm already nauseous. The whole thing is a bunch of DOD brass having to fluff Musk's ego so he doesn't swallow too much Putin jizz and just shut off Starlink, leaving the Ukrainians in the lurch. It's just gross. Yet another petulant man child everyone has to suck up to. Gah.
Also:
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗦𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗫 𝘀𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁, 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁, 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗸 “𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲, 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲, 𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲.” 𝗞𝗮𝗵𝗹 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱, “𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗨𝗸𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲. 𝗜𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿.”
Maybe they should just nationalize Starlink.